photo: Paul Shaffner on flickr

photo: Paul Shaffner on flickr

Do you believe in soul mates?

If so, do you have a vision of what yours looks like?

Perhaps you’re married to your soul mate, so you have a perfectly clear visual. Or maybe you have an image of your ideal mate, but you have yet to meet. Or you already met, but it didn’t work out.

For the record, I believe in soul mates, but I think the concept is generally used in a narrow fashion.

I believe a soul mate can be a friend or relative as well as a romantic partner. I also think we can have several soul mates in any given lifetime.

photo: emily.laurel504 on flickr

photo: emily.laurel504 on flickr

That said, having a soul mate who is also a romantic partner is a powerful combination.

Before I met my wife Melissa, I had an image in my head of what my next partner was going to look like. Okay, it wasn’t a super clear image. I didn’t know the exact shape of her left earlobe. Or how many tattoos she had.

But I did know one thing: She had short, blond hair.

I have my share of psychic ability, so I was pretty sure my image was accurate. Everywhere I went, I was on the lookout for my sweetheart with the short, blond hair.

Admittedly, this image got me into trouble at times. I would meet a woman who looked kinda like the image in my head, and I would spend copious amounts of time wondering if she was my ideal partner. This wondering and speculating used up lots of energy.

It was – to put it mildly – exhausting.

photo: caitlinator on flickr

photo: caitlinator on flickr

Still, I clung to my image. I was 99.9% sure that my future soul mate had short, blond hair.

Luckily, I wasn’t just clinging to this image in my quest for a mate. I was also out in the world, meeting people. And I was doing inner work – meditation, visualization and affirmations. As detailed in a previous post, along the way I heard a woman named Melissa Phillippe give a talk about the power of the phrase “better than I could ever imagine.”

The idea behind this phrase is that we open to the Universe’s idea of our Highest Good. This is invariably way more powerful and way more interesting than our ideas.

I started applying this phrase to my inner work on attracting a relationship.

Technically, I should have released my short, blond vision right then and there, but I didn’t. I didn’t see it as clinging to my small idea. I thought I was tapping into a Divine vision. Or maybe it was just my vision.

Either way, I wasn’t letting go.

photo: Kullez on flickr

photo: Kullez on flickr

A year into working the “better than I can ever imagine” vibe, Melissa and I started hanging out. Given that she didn’t have short, blond hair, I had no idea she might be my soul mate.

I also thought she was straight. So did she. So there were a lot of elements preventing us from seeing what was going on.

Finally, we both woke up.

One of the coolest things about this was that we weren’t playing games. We’d thought we were just friends, so we hadn’t been worried about presenting some idealized version of ourselves to a potential romantic partner. Friendship came first.

And when it bloomed into more than that, we were shocked.

Looking back on it now, I see that it was precisely because I had such a “clear idea” of what my next partner would look like, I didn’t recognize her when she came along.

photo: WomanSpirit sister

photo: WomanSpirit sister

And yet even this was perfect.

Since I didn’t recognize her, I wasn’t defended against opening myself to her.

Perhaps the image was Divinely orchestrated after all.

So when I say there’s one thing that won’t be perfect about your soul mate, I’m talking about those ideas in your head about what they have to look like.

Opening to the Divine’s idea means letting go of old, fixed images.

That said, I know there are people who have visions of their soul mates, and these visions are realized. In other words, there’s no formula.

But I do know one thing. Opening to a bigger vision is always a good idea.

And not just when it comes to soul mates. We can open to a bigger vision in every area of our lives – health, vocation, finances, relationships, and spiritual practice.

Maybe the vision will have short, blond hair, maybe it won’t.

But you can bet that if the vision is Divinely inspired, it’s going to be fabulous.

photo: lisl christie

photo: lisl christie

When have you let your small ideas get in the way of the Divine’s vision for you? And when have you let the Divine lead the way?

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