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The One Thing That Won’t Be Perfect About Your Soul Mate

photo: Paul Shaffner on flickr

photo: Paul Shaffner on flickr

Do you believe in soul mates?

If so, do you have a vision of what yours looks like?

Perhaps you’re married to your soul mate, so you have a perfectly clear visual. Or maybe you have an image of your ideal mate, but you have yet to meet. Or you already met, but it didn’t work out.

For the record, I believe in soul mates, but I think the concept is generally used in a narrow fashion.

I believe a soul mate can be a friend or relative as well as a romantic partner. I also think we can have several soul mates in any given lifetime.

photo: emily.laurel504 on flickr

photo: emily.laurel504 on flickr

That said, having a soul mate who is also a romantic partner is a powerful combination.

Before I met my wife Melissa, I had an image in my head of what my next partner was going to look like. Okay, it wasn’t a super clear image. I didn’t know the exact shape of her left earlobe. Or how many tattoos she had.

But I did know one thing: She had short, blond hair.

I have my share of psychic ability, so I was pretty sure my image was accurate. Everywhere I went, I was on the lookout for my sweetheart with the short, blond hair.

Admittedly, this image got me into trouble at times. I would meet a woman who looked kinda like the image in my head, and I would spend copious amounts of time wondering if she was my ideal partner. This wondering and speculating used up lots of energy.

It was – to put it mildly – exhausting.

photo: caitlinator on flickr

photo: caitlinator on flickr

Still, I clung to my image. I was 99.9% sure that my future soul mate had short, blond hair.

Luckily, I wasn’t just clinging to this image in my quest for a mate. I was also out in the world, meeting people. And I was doing inner work – meditation, visualization and affirmations. As detailed in a previous post, along the way I heard a woman named Melissa Phillippe give a talk about the power of the phrase “better than I could ever imagine.”

The idea behind this phrase is that we open to the Universe’s idea of our Highest Good. This is invariably way more powerful and way more interesting than our ideas.

I started applying this phrase to my inner work on attracting a relationship.

Technically, I should have released my short, blond vision right then and there, but I didn’t. I didn’t see it as clinging to my small idea. I thought I was tapping into a Divine vision. Or maybe it was just my vision.

Either way, I wasn’t letting go.

photo: Kullez on flickr

photo: Kullez on flickr

A year into working the “better than I can ever imagine” vibe, Melissa and I started hanging out. Given that she didn’t have short, blond hair, I had no idea she might be my soul mate.

I also thought she was straight. So did she. So there were a lot of elements preventing us from seeing what was going on.

Finally, we both woke up.

One of the coolest things about this was that we weren’t playing games. We’d thought we were just friends, so we hadn’t been worried about presenting some idealized version of ourselves to a potential romantic partner. Friendship came first.

And when it bloomed into more than that, we were shocked.

Looking back on it now, I see that it was precisely because I had such a “clear idea” of what my next partner would look like, I didn’t recognize her when she came along.

photo: WomanSpirit sister

photo: WomanSpirit sister

And yet even this was perfect.

Since I didn’t recognize her, I wasn’t defended against opening myself to her.

Perhaps the image was Divinely orchestrated after all.

So when I say there’s one thing that won’t be perfect about your soul mate, I’m talking about those ideas in your head about what they have to look like.

Opening to the Divine’s idea means letting go of old, fixed images.

That said, I know there are people who have visions of their soul mates, and these visions are realized. In other words, there’s no formula.

But I do know one thing. Opening to a bigger vision is always a good idea.

And not just when it comes to soul mates. We can open to a bigger vision in every area of our lives – health, vocation, finances, relationships, and spiritual practice.

Maybe the vision will have short, blond hair, maybe it won’t.

But you can bet that if the vision is Divinely inspired, it’s going to be fabulous.

photo: lisl christie

photo: lisl christie

When have you let your small ideas get in the way of the Divine’s vision for you? And when have you let the Divine lead the way?

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13 Responses to The One Thing That Won’t Be Perfect About Your Soul Mate

  1. Antonia March 5, 2013 at 6:24 am #

    I love the ‘being open’ thread that runs through this post, Z.

    • Z Egloff March 5, 2013 at 11:34 am #

      Hi Antonia,

      Thank you for pointing out and appreciating the openness. Takes one to know one. 😉


  2. Natasha March 5, 2013 at 8:33 am #

    I believe in soul mates myself. I too am married to one, and have friendships that are my soul mates. I love opening to a bigger vision. I will ponder this in myself and in my life. Thank you Z!

    • Z Egloff March 5, 2013 at 11:34 am #

      Hi Natasha,

      Great to see you here again. :)

      It’s awesome to be married to a soul mate, isn’t it? And to have friends who are also in that category makes for a pretty cool life.

      Have fun pondering the bigger vision!


  3. squirrel March 5, 2013 at 9:41 am #

    good morning z, happy tuesday. i have a few soul mates – or at least a soul-deep connection with a few people. like we’ve known each other since the beginning of time… or longer.

    regarding romantic partnership, i had no vision of my mate. my sweetheart and i met a couple years ago. but we didn’t connect until a mutual friend said, “have i got the girl for you!” after ignoring her and rolling our eyes a few times, we finally said, “ok” and laughed about it, went on a (perfect!) date and have been together since. neither of us was looking for a relationship and certainly did not expect this. is she one of my soul mates? time will tell. but we are definitely in the right place, at the right time, successfully engaged in the right activity.

    everything happens in perfect time. always.


    • Z Egloff March 5, 2013 at 11:32 am #

      Howdy Squirrel,

      Happy Toosday to you too!

      I also have had the experience of meeting someone and having a strong feeling of knowing them before. This has happened to me a bunch of times, actually. It’s one of the ways I recognize someone as one of my soul buddies.

      I like that your story of your current sweetie is yet another example of the unexpected ways in which people come together. I’m happy that you two get to enjoy each other in the current time and space, simply watching to see what happens next. Yay for love! :)


  4. Karen March 5, 2013 at 10:49 am #

    For sure, Z. As we launch desires, the Universe wets its pencil, takes precise notes of what we want, and then lines up the inticate essence of it for us.

    But if we’re overly focused on the details and keeping a narrow focus, we can slow that wondrous essence from rendezvousing with us.

    I had no idea that my romantic soulmate would come in an unexpected way, as yours did. My feller of 10 years was actually married to a friend of mine. And then she left him for parts unknown. And he and I eventually connected.

    It’s always good to keep trusting, stay flexible, and don’t wait until the soulmate turns up in order to be happy. Be happy now, and those desires — with short blonde hair or otherwise — find us in most interesting ways.

    • Z Egloff March 5, 2013 at 11:28 am #

      Hi Karen,

      “The Universe wets its pencil” – Nice! I like. :)

      Thanks for adding your story to the mix. I love hearing about people finding love in unexpected places. At least, unexpected by us and our, um, expectations.

      I agree with you that flexibility is key – and being happy now. How can that ever be a bad thing?!

      Thank you for your comments!


  5. Jan March 5, 2013 at 11:28 am #

    HA! I had a similar experience with knowing almost exactly what my soul mate would be like and look like. I met Denise in Foundations class and it didn’t dawn on me at all that she was the One. In retrospect, seeing her only as a friend rather than a potential mate, I was able to be more open and relaxed without all of that sexual tension going on!

    Thanks for your wit and wisdom and personal sharing, Z!

    • Z Egloff March 5, 2013 at 11:42 am #

      Hi Jan,

      I love this! Funny how things work sometimes, isn’t it? Thank you for sharing your experience – and of course I love it because it’s so much like mine! 😉

      I also love how the Divine knows exactly what it’s doing. In fact, it was in writing this post that I got to see the absolute perfection of my fixed expectations – they allowed me to plunge into a new friendship with my heart wide open, unaware that this person was exactly who I had been waiting for.

      Thank you for your comment!


  6. Michael July 17, 2013 at 11:46 am #

    Aloha Z,

    Funny thing about these Divinely inspired soul mate images, is that you can never know for sure…or can you?

    For a long time I’d had the image of my soul mate with long blond hair and deep beautiful blue eyes. So when someone who fit the image showed up in my life, I was moved to act on my attraction. I clumsily ended the relationship I was in at the time, quit the job that I’d visualized and manifested which was meeting my needs (where I met her), packed everything I owned in a POD, and left the East coast to move to California with her so she could be near her family and I could be with her.

    It didn’t take long after landing in “forty-niners” territory for me to discover that it was fools gold I’d been rushing after. Awkward, to say the least. But there I was in the Golden State, so I abandoned my reckless, released my image, and buried myself in work.

    Five lonely years later, after finishing the soul-suffocating job I’d ‘buried’ myself in (the company was sold), I was contemplating life in the parking lot outside a class I was early for, when I saw a vision of beauty unlike anything I’d ever seen before or since. And guess what? That’s right – long blond hair and beautiful blue eyes. We were married six weeks later in an ancient redwood grove in Mendocino and my true soul mate is now bringing out the best in me as I open to Divine guidance and come from a place of Love in all that I think, say, and do.

    So letting go of the old, fixed image, despairing that it wasn’t true, feeling betrayed by my ‘Divine Inspiration’, ultimately led to its fulfillment. As Dr. David Bruner said during a service some months back, “Even when you think it’s not working, and it doesn’t, it is!” And so It Is – yay!!

    Thanks for your messages of Love and Inspiration, Z – they help me open to a bigger vision and they also make me laugh – bonus!! :)

    Mahalo nui loa,

    • Z Egloff July 17, 2013 at 4:29 pm #

      Hi Michael,

      Oooooooh. What a great story! I love how the vision was wrong, and then it wasn’t. Wow – very cool! Thank you for sharing that – and thank for dropping by in blog land. Come back again any time! :)



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