photo: Janet Ramsden on flickr
How do you feel about numbers?
Do they scare you? Does the phrase “Solve for X” make your skin crawl and your toes sweat?
Or are you a geek who embraces the numerical world with all the enthusiasm of a child on Christmas morning? Oh boy! Pythagorean triples and Diophantine equations! And it’s only 6 in the morning!
Whether you love numbers or hate ’em, this post is for you.
As we all know, numbers have been used for a wide variety of purposes over the years, some good, some not.
Landing on the moon. Thank you, numbers!
Smart phones. Thank you, numbers!
photo: kamshots on flickr
The atom bomb. What were you thinking, numbers?
But the atom bomb isn’t the only way numbers can get off track. There are smaller, more subtle ways numbers can harm us.
Take my adolescence, for example.
Then, as now, I was a card-carrying nerd. I was good at science and math and proud of it. I wasn’t into the whole social scene at my high school.
I didn’t really fit in.
Then I went to this awesome summer camp. It was called High/Scope. The camp was in Ypsilanti, Michigan, and there were kids there from all over the world. The summer session lasted eight weeks, which felt like a lifetime. In a good way.
The overall ethic of the camp was to treat everyone with respect. I suspect many of us behaved much differently in our homes and schools, but at High/Scope, we learned to behave in a loving, thoughtful manner.
It was amazing. For the first time in my adolescence, I felt embraced by my peers.
That is, until one particular day.
It was late in the afternoon, just before dinner. I was sitting with one of my fellow campers outside the dining hall, and he was telling me about a discussion they’d had the night before in the boys’ quarters.
They had been ranking the female campers on a scale of 1 to 10.
That’s right, numbers had entered the scene. And it wasn’t pretty.
He told me they had given me a 10 for personality. That was all well and good.
But then he told me they had given me a 7 for looks.
7.
He also filled me in on the ranking of the other female campers, many of whom had received a 10 for their looks.
photo: Josef Seibel
I was devastated.
Never mind that one of my rankings was a 10. It was the 7 that stung.
Looking back on it now, I’m not sure what prompted him to tell me all this. I could make a guess as to his motivation, but I really don’t know.
What I do know is how it affected me.
From that day on, I took those rankings – a 10 for personality and a 7 for looks – as permanent statements about myself. There was no questioning the validity of the numerical rankings. They were facts, descriptions of myself that were as accurate and unchanging as my left-handedness and my facility with math and science.
At least, for a few years.
Then time and growth and new perspectives entered the scene and the 7 and the 10 morphed into something much smaller, much less important.
But they’re still there – in my memory, if nothing else.
The other day, as I was meditating, the memory of those old rankings came to mind. And it struck me how ridiculous they were. But it also struck me how profoundly I had let them affect me.
There are other numbers that can have that effect on us:
The numbers in a performance review.
photo: Paul Downey on flickr
The numbers on a scale.
photo: puuikibeach on flickr
The numbers in our bank account.
photo: Betsssssy on flickr
All of these numbers are just that – numbers. But we insert all kinds of other meanings into them.
Low numbers in a performance review means we’ll never get ahead. A high number on the scale means we’re ugly. A low number in the bank account means we’re worthless.
In my case, I ignored the 10 and focused only on the 7. The 7 meant I was less attractive than my peers, and somehow less important.
Any time we give numbers this kind of power, we’ve moved outside of ourselves for validation. We’ve moved away from our own inner knowing and into the treacherous territory of outside assessment.
Outside assessment has its place, don’t get me wrong, but anytime we’re using it to beat ourselves up, something’s gone wrong.
So here’s to a positive use of numbers!
photo: Emran Kassim on flickr
Here’s to using numbers for growth and change, but not allowing them to dictate our self-worth. Here’s to freedom from the tyranny of one rating or one ranking!
Numbers are our friends, and we can choose to use them for good, not evil.
And speaking of good numbers, there is a number that’s really important, a number you should always remember. Can you guess what it is?
One.
We’re all one. We’re all part of one big, beautiful amazing energy I call the Divine.
Quantum physicists call it the quantum field. Atheists call it Life. Whatever you call it, we’re all a part of it. And remembering this truth takes the sting out of any numerical trip we may be subjecting ourselves to.
One.
One energy, one love, one life.
Now that’s a good use of numbers!
photo: NASA Goddard on flickr
Have you ever used numbers to harm yourself? How did you get free? Share your comments below!
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I love science but stuggle with math. Our son is a math whiz but when he took physics he struggled with quantum concepts. I used eastern philosophy and metaphysics to explain and he did the math. He got a B and was thrilled. We then read Gary Zukav’s book The Dancing Woo Li Masters and bonded in a whole new way. Sort of our own little quantum project.
Hi Angela!
Great to see you here! I love it – math homework goes quantum. He’s lucky to have you as a mom. And it sounds like you made math much more fun and interesting for him!
XOZ
New concept on numbers, really good Z I enjoyed it very much. Bless you.
Hi Norma,
Howdy! Thank you! Numbers rock! 🙂
XOZ
At first reading of your blog today, my head started to turn to cotton in that old familiar way…like when someone tries to explain physics to me. I just kinda blank out. I am still trying to do the math for the movie “Clue” (2+1+2+1+1???)! I also have trouble with that thing that sits on the bathroom floor that I tell it every morning that it is a liar and I am light as a feather!!!
Most of what I do about numbers is just laugh. If I can count, I am blessed that I just can! If my checkbook balances, its time for a party! If the scales didn’t break today when I stepped on them..wooohooo! I remember than I am a wave on an endless ocean of numbers that also loves me perfectly as I am.
*dancing off to the beat of 1-2-3-4-1-2-3-4*
R~~~~
Hi River,
I once heard a story of someone who went into a coma, and when they came back, they talked about how they had been learning about the mathematical formulas behind all of creation. As a nerd, I loved hearing this. Numbers are everywhere. But for some, they are annoying. I am glad that you are aware of your wave-ness on the endless ocean of numbers that loves and adores you. And so it IS!!! (2, 4, 6, 8, who do we appreciate? River! River!)
XOZ
My son is a math professor, so I cannot publicly, officially say anything except numbers are the spice of life, the cream in my coffee, and the cat’s meow.
As always, wonderful post, Z.
I remember at summer camp, a boy told my friend and me that we looked “old and careworn” (at age 14). I guess there’s something about camp that makes a fella want to spill his guts.
Hi Karen,
Go numbers!! I’m happy for your son. I’ve always been amazed and intrigued by people who dedicate their lives to mathematics. And you gave birth to one of them! Congratulations! 🙂
As for your summer camp experience, I love that a 14-year-old boy was using the phrase “old and careworn.” At summer camp. LOL
XOZ
I could never understand what was up with me and numbers…i could understand really deep math theory but numbers were a problem. One awful day i was desperate for a job and i went to Bell Telephone …the room was filled with long tables with young men and women seated along them we each had a paper with hundreds of phone numbers in columns we were to turn the paper over and record the numbers on the other side; easy? well, for each number i had to turn the paper 7 times, others I noticed were writing 7 or 8 whole phone numbers on each flip..years later at my heath food store I noticed that when ringing up a sale I would reverse the numbers as I some i knew they were wrong but I couldn’t stop, it was like people must feel who have a stroke. I call it dyslexia and i just remember how inadequate and small i felt in the phone company testing room. Really I know it was a Spirit protection for me for if I’d passed that test my life would have been very different…I might now be retired from a phone company in Trenton NJ….failure can be good.
Hi Jerrine,
Yes – I’m glad that the test didn’t work out for you too! Given how logical and analytical we are in this culture, there are lots of creative, intuitive folks who just don’t fit in. There are others who love numbers but also don’t fit in. The dyslexia diagnosis is certainly an opportunity to notice and value other kinds of learning and intelligence. Like you say: Failure can be good! Amen. 🙂
XOZ