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Do I Have to Be Spiritual Because My Partner Is?

Photo: Beth Scupham on flickr

Photo: Beth Scupham on flickr

Dear Meli,

I’m not spiritual. Really, I’m not kidding. My partner of ten years, on the other hand, is super spiritual. When we got together, we were both atheists, but since then she’s totally gone on a spiritual kick. First it was yoga. Then meditation. And now she’s going to a spiritual center. And – it gets better – she wants me to come with her. I have no intention of doing this, and she’s not listening to me. I know that she reads this column, so I thought you might have some advice. But only if you agree with me!

Avowed Atheist

Dear Avowed,

Well. Honestly? I DO agree with you…I think.

If you are suggesting that if you are not drawn to doing spiritual work, or going to a spiritual center, then I agree that you should not do so.

I would even go so far as to suggest this to anyone who is on a spiritual path. If someone is trying to push nudge you in a direction of doing something that doesn’t feel right to you, that person may need to look at their own motives.

My own spiritual life has become deeper and deeper through the years. So I can imagine that if I were still in relationship with someone I had been with a decade ago, it would be incredibly difficult. I can imagine that your sweetheart might be wanting to share more of her life with you. For many of us, it does make the spiritual path richer and more delicious to share the journey.

On the other hand,  you might also consider the possibility of going with her, just once. See what exactly it is she’s wanting so much to share with you.

Perhaps you’ve been stuck in an old story about what spirituality is. If so, you may be resisting an old picture in your own mind, rather than resisting spirituality itself. It might surprise you how much you’d enjoy sharing this with your beloved. If you never try, you’ll never know. And if it’s really not for you, then it wouldn’t harm anyone for you to go once, and become clear and communicate that.

Relationships are about meeting our significant other where we can. If you have to cross a bit of territory to give her what she’s wanting, that could be a generous act of love. If that feels deeply or morally wrong to you, then that’s another thing. In that case, I’d suggest communicating that – taking full responsibility for this being all about you and not her – and see where the conversation may take you.

If you are resisting one another only because you have become polarized, it could be time for re-evaluating priorities on both of your parts. If you come to find that you are no longer compatible, you’ll both be happier if you let that be.

That said, sharing every aspect of life is certainly not a requirement for a rich, rewarding and fulfilling relationship! Worth exploring for both of you, I’d say.

Blessings and Love to you in all you do,


 What is your experience with the spiritual path and relationships? Share your comments below!

Have a question for Meli? Interested in a private session (in person or Skype)? Contact her at meli@ohmygodlife.com


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4 Responses to Do I Have to Be Spiritual Because My Partner Is?

  1. Joan October 14, 2016 at 10:36 am #

    Wow – this was amazing timing. Let’s just say I can related to just about everything you’re saying here. Thank you – this gives me a lot to think about!

    • Melissa Phillippe October 14, 2016 at 10:44 am #

      Hi Joan, Yay! Glad that this was helpful. Lots to think about is good! Yay! :) Love and Blessings, Meli

  2. Peter October 14, 2016 at 10:37 am #

    You raise a lot of good points here. I think it can be easy to think that our partners should be on the same spiritual path as we are. But that’s not always best for our growth – or there’s. Thanks for another great post, Meli!

    • Melissa Phillippe October 14, 2016 at 10:44 am #

      Hi Peter, What a great point! It’s not always in the best interest of our spiritual growth for our partner to be just like us. Even though it can be annoying at times! :) Thank you for pointing this out! :) Love and Blessings to you, Meli

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