photo: Maryland GovPix on flickr

photo: Maryland GovPix on flickr

Dear Meli,

Being spiritual has a lot of “shoulds” that come with it. Take this one, for example: “Spiritual people SHOULD be able to get along with everyone.” But what about difficult people? What about people from your past? In my case, I’m talking about my ex. She wasn’t awful. The relationship didn’t work because we’re not compatible. But I don’t really want her in my life. Not only that, I don’t even want to talk to her when I’m situations, outside of my control, where we are both in the same room. What do you think?

Exhausted with My Ex


Dear Exhausted,

I think any “should” is worth questioning. I find many “shoulds” do not line up with what I think is true.

That said, kindness is a great practice.

That said, staying away from people and things that feel bad to us is a fabulous, self-loving practice! It may even be a way of loving them more, because if you experience grief in their presence, it’s likely to be a mutual thing.

One practice I recommend, regardless of how much time you spend in their presence, is to practice looking for what you appreciate about them. This is not to ignore your feelings, just to keep it real. You loved this person enough, at one time, to have them as a primary person in your life. There must be some redeeming qualities there!

I suggest this not for them, but for you! If you are feeling terrible when you are with someone, then you are telling yourself things about them that simply aren’t true.

This is one of my favorite Truth’s. I made it up, but it’s true for me, anyway. If I am feeling bad, I am believing a lie. This is true whether I am feeling bad about someone else or myself.

The Divine would not tell the same story.

It is a beautiful, and nice-feeling, practice to decide to look for the story the Divine would tell.

Honestly, there are people I would rather avoid. But when I’m with them, or feeling terrible about them in any moment, this practice is what brings me the most relief.

May the Love that you are win – when you’re with them and when you choose not to be!

Blessings to you on your journey,


Ever have a problem “ex”? How did you handle it? Share your comments below!

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