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How Do You End a Friendship?

photo: Rennett Stowe on flickr

photo: Rennett Stowe on flickr

Dear Meli,

I’ve have a friend that I’ve been friends with since we were kids. For the past few years, I’ve had a harder and harder time being around him. I feel bad even admitting this, because he’s a great guy. It’s just that we’re moving in different directions. Though I don’t think he’d see it that way. He tells me all the time how much our friendship means to him, and how he appreciates having someone in his life he’s known since he was a kid. But I have a hard time telling him about my dreams and plans. He seems threatened by them. And I don’t see that changing, even if we talked it out. Any advice?

Pulled Apart

Dear Pulled,

My heart goes out to you in this time of conflict.

My biggest advice to you is to be kind and loving to yourself as you navigate moving forward in your dreams! It can be hard to move in a certain direction when it feels like it might mean leaving people we love behind. But you seem clear about your dreams. And those are your inner guidance for your journey.

The first thing is, of course, to confirm that you are not avoiding having a difficult conversation, simply because it might be difficult! Old friends can be so wonderful to have, especially those who are able to bust us on stuff in a way that is loving. Invaluable!

But if you do decide that you aren’t able to talk this through with your friend, it may very well be that you will be best off backing away from the friendship in order to become who you are being invited to become. In which case,

here are some of the reminders and practices I give myself in times such as these:

1) Remind myself that the love I’ve had with others lives in my heart and my memories.

I get to take those with me, and let them bless me! It is my choice to allow the memories to bless me. I do this by not believing my own stories about how I should have done things differently, or about how I should feel bad.

This is an ongoing practice, but it is powerful when I remember. I have experienced so much love in my lifetime. I practice allowing all of this love to bless the steps I take on my path today. This love encourages me to be my fullest expression of who I came here to be: ME!

2) Remember that my greater good is ALWAYS (even when it doesn’t look like it from where I stand) everyone else’s greater good!

This is not always supported by our culture. It’s certainly not what I was taught growing up!

But I have seen it over and again: As I follow and honor the call of my heart, everyone else is set free to follow theirs.

I have sometimes found my way to a perfect new beginning directly following (and because of) someone or something else letting me go.

3) Remind myself that I am here to follow my dreams, and to do so without apology.

This is the whole reason I’m here in a body on earth! To follow my own inner guidance, and grow as I follow it…to fearlessly express ME.

You following your dreams is paramount! Doing so with love for yourself is key, and loving others along the way is beautiful.

But not following your own inner guidance because of someone else’s reaction? It’s like death to your Self-Expression. None of your happiness lies there!

4) Ritual is always a good thing in times like this.

I find that when I need to reframe or update a relationship in my life (whether this is with someone or something else, or some aspect of my own self or my life), ritual makes all the difference!

It can be as simple as putting away a photo that was on your bedside. But when an act of change in the physical realm is done with conscious connection to the divine realm, it becomes sacred.

I find that the time it takes to plan a ritual…to make up a physical representation of what’s happening on the spiritual realm with awareness, honoring, and care…can lead to a feeling of physical shift. This can powerfully support my experience regardless of what changes I may or may not make externally.

For instance, you might try something like this:

First, put a favorite photo of your friend (or representation of the job or community) before you. If you can, lay it carefully on a shawl or fabric to make it more honoring.

Then listen to or sing a favorite song you’ve shared, or one that reminds you of your time together.

Next, make a list of all the favorite memories you have with this person, and the ways they’ve blessed your life. Note the things you take with you from this relationship. (You might keep this list somewhere…on an altar or special place.)

Then make a list of the blessings and good you want for them. Burn this piece of paper, allowing the wishes to be taken by The Universe to go forth to bless them.

Then make a list of the things you imagine you’ll feel more free to be and express, without their contracting in response. Who might you become? (You might burn this too, allowing those dreams to go forth into the Universe.)

Finally, listen to or sing another song. This one might represent your new beginning, and/or setting them free with love and blessings for their greatest good.

5) Allow myself to celebrate the growth this experience represents.

Change can seem scary and be painful. But I try to remind myself that it is evidence of growth and transformation. And this is a good thing!

It’s like a sign: “Greater things still ahead.”

6) I can love someone and walk away with consciousness and kindness.

It can be hard to let go. Some of us have a tendency to find things to be angry (or blaming) about. It can make it easier to leave.

But I find I feel best (later) when I can step away without adding pain. Staying present to the sadness is not a bad thing when it is honoring the love. Walking away with love may seem more painful in the moment(s), but it makes for a much nicer view when looking back.

7) Be nice to you!

Bottom line: allow yourself to follow your happiness. Let yourself feel good: about you, your dreams, and your truth. Follow that!

May your dreams lead you to your greatest expression of you!

Blessings and Love in all you do,

Meli

Have a question for Meli? Interested in a private session (in person or Skype)? Contact her at meli@ohmygodlife.com

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6 Responses to How Do You End a Friendship?

  1. Brett October 20, 2015 at 1:53 pm #

    This is great timing. I’m dealing with a really similar situation right now. I really appreciate all these different ideas. Much to chew on here. Thank you!

    • Melissa Phillippe October 21, 2015 at 2:56 pm #

      Thank you, Brett. May your digestion lead to nourishing choices. 😉 You are welcome! <3

  2. Mary October 20, 2015 at 1:54 pm #

    I recently had a friendship that ended – only it was the other person who pulled away, not me. It was difficult, but reading your thoughts here actually helps me to let go as well. Especially when you said that you have benefitted from someone else letting you go. Blessed Be.

    • Melissa Phillippe October 21, 2015 at 2:59 pm #

      Hi Mary,

      It is especially painful to be on the “rejection end” of this dynamic! I know. But I do trust that everything is, ultimately, for the greater good. I have seen this again and again for myself as I love my self in the midst of letting go when it’s not been my choice to do so. There is always some nugget of wonderful-ness on the other side. May you find many nuggets! :-)

  3. Laura October 21, 2015 at 9:09 am #

    I love the idea of creating/doing a ritual. Turning a troubling time into something sacred is so healing. Thanks for the reminder!

    • Melissa Phillippe October 21, 2015 at 3:01 pm #

      Hi Laura,
      I have had times when I forgot about the power of ritual as well. But I am never disappointed in the power of it! Even the smallest or simplest ritual can be radically healing. I, too, am deeply grateful for this ancient art of healing and transformation. <3

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