photo: JD Hancock on flickr

photo: JD Hancock on flickr

Dear Meli,

I have a friend that I give my power away to all the time. I don’t know what it is about her, but even when I give myself a pep talk before I see her, I always end up just giving up and going along with whatever she says is right. I love a lot of things about her, and I want to stay friends with her (I think), but I don’t like the way I keep giving my power away. Help!

Frustrated Friend

Dear Frustrated,

One measure I often use when deciding about whether someone is meant to be my friend is this: Do I generally feel better after having spent time in their presence?

It sounds, from your question, like your answer to this, with this friend, might be “no.” If this is the case, I would suggest you either gently cut back on your time with them, or end the friendship.

However if you feel, in your heart, that she is truly meant to be your friend, then you’ve got a wonderful opportunity! You get to ask yourself what it is (or who it is) you’re afraid of?

What is the worst thing that could happen? Questions like this might lead you to gaining the understanding you need to stand in your power in her presence.

For instance, if you had an abusive person in your history that this friend reminds you of, that could be what’s hampering your self-confidence in their presence. If you decided to do so, you could use your time with them as your own private self-help workshop!

Remind yourself that you are in the present moment with this person, and they aren’t that person from your past, etc… (Be sure to give yourself lots of praise whenever you make even the smallest improvement with her, so that your own inner child is encouraged along the way.)

I have had friends with whom I’ve decided the Person Workshop wasn’t worth the price. Miguel (my teacher, don Miguel Ruiz, author of ‘The Four Agreements’) used to say, “Never pay more than 5 cents.” He meant that paying once is one thing, but over and again? Then we are better off reconsidering the price it takes to maintain the relationship.

The most important piece of this is to follow your own heart, inner knowing, or intuition….however you experience this. This is the Divine, nudging you along your path. Listen deeply. Pray about it. Ask for a sign.

And if you feel safe enough with this friend, consider the possibility of communication with them about your dilemma. If you don’t feel safe, that is important information too.

I realize this is an open-ended answer. But you are clearly following the inner discontent by even writing to me, so I’d continue to trust that part of you who reached out.

Allow the unfolding of the perfect relationship with your friend, which may be one with lots of distance between you.

Blessings and Love to you in all you do!


What is your experience with taking your power back? Share your comments below!

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