photo: Alice Salles on flickr

photo: Alice Salles on flickr

Dear Meli,

I’m a great driver. I’ve been driving thirty years and I’ve never even had a speeding ticket. My husband – that’s another story. He likes to drive fast. He also tends to get angry at other drivers who don’t go as fast as he does. Luckily, I have my own car and don’t have to drive with him a lot. But when I do, I can barely stand it. I get almost as mad at him as he does at the other drivers! Any tips for how to deal with him?

Pissed Passenger


Dear Pissed,

I’m very sorry to say that I understand this predicament well. Driving in a car with an intense, fast, angry driver can be terrifying. Very annoying at best. It’s a stressful thing!

I personally have a friend in my life with whom I refuse to be a passenger. I’ve let her know it, too. I simply won’t get into a car that has her behind the wheel. It’s not worth it.This is one option. It’s the one I chose, and will continue to whenever I can.

But first, have you talked to him about it in a way that is tender? Not when you are in the car. And not when you are actually angry. But at a time when you can sweetly express the fear or frustration you feel. Spending time with our beloved is such a sweet thing to get to do. Having that become an unhappy experience because of their challenges is very sad. Perhaps you can express it in a way that he can hear when he’s not in the emotion of it?

I think cars can be our safe havens. An old friend talked about them as our own little traveling caves. But sometimes people have other conditioning and stories that create a frustrating experience. Perhaps he, or even the two of you together, could explore what the story is in his mind about other drivers, or other needs he may have when he’s driving. What’s driving (so to speak) his anger when he’s behind the wheel?

Maybe he’s not aware of what’s behind his experience. Maybe, just maybe, exploring this could help. If not, there’s always therapy, if he’s willing.

I am so sorry to say that I haven’t been able to break through with my friend. I hear she still has the same driving habits. But as someone in recovery, I don’t often go into bars. And as someone who loves the peace I practice, I don’t get into cars when she’s driving. I just like me too much. It’s one way to go.

Blessings and Love to you in all you do!

Meli

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