Photo: Harold Cheng on flickr

Photo: Harold Cheng on flickr

Dear Meli,

I recently had someone tell me that I have a tendency to be a victim. Pretty annoying, right? Well, it’s not the first time I’ve heard this. Lately, I’ve made the commitment to be more self-aware. And . . . Bingo! Do you have any advice of tips for letting go of being a victim? I’d really appreciate it!

Very Victimy

Dear Very,

I didn’t say “Dear Victimy” because I can tell you’re already on track for not being that person anymore! Being open to hearing critical or difficult feedback is huge! And, so long as you don’t collapse into feeling like a victim because of it, you’re right on the path to victimhood recovery! So congratulations to you!

YOU get to decide what comes after the “Very” with which you signed your name. I can tell you are changing what you fill in that blank with – perhaps Very Empowered?

In my own work around this very issue (with which I am intimately familiar), I have found that awareness is the primary key. Heck – I guess you could say that awareness is the primary key to making any lasting change! If we aren’t aware of what we want to change, it will go by unnoticed. However, with a commitment to noticing, we can’t help but notice! And with the awareness comes choice. There is great freedom in choice.

My work in this arena has been supported by reflective and inquiring journaling. When I have inquired and explored the sources of my tendency to habitually inhabit the victim stance, I find rich understanding. This has supported me in forgiving myself for being how I have been. It also has given me tips. Because when I see the earlier sources of my wounding, I am more easily able to recognize current-day triggers – experiences that may be similar enough to resonate with the old emotions.

I picture a tuning fork. When you hit a tuning fork, it always rings out the same pitch. With a tuning fork, this can be very helpful! It’s great for tuning a piano, for instance. However, when we are struck by something, and the tone we start to emanate is one of toxicity, not so helpful. Right?

So awareness is the key, once again. As you are able to stay awake to your thinking, and change tracks, you create new habits. And a successful life, in any area, can always be traced back to positive or beneficial habits!

My living life as a victim stemmed from my view of the world as an unsafe place. My story was that the Universe was out to get me. Everything and everyone were conspiring to harm me. Terrifying, right? So, when I start to go into that line of thinking, I remind myself (and, especially, my inner child) that I am safe and all is well.

Awareness can create a beautiful victim-bypass! Then I am sure to celebrate my success! Even if it’s the smallest thing, when I manage to navigate a situation with new and improved behavior, I like to celebrate. I recommend little happy dances. They’re fun and empower your happy feelings.

I am doing one for you now! What’s on the other side of this transformation? Freedom! More fun! And greater happiness. Definitely worth staying awake for, I’d say!

Blessings and Love to you in all you do!

In Joy,


What is your experience with feeling victimy? Share your comments below!

Have a question for Meli? Interested in a private session (in person or Skype)? Contact her at

Coming up!  Sunday, September 17th at the Center for Spiritual Living Tahoe Truckee: Z and I will be providing the music and message for the 10:15 am service. For more info, click HERE!


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