I know, you probably thought Facebook was simply an internet phenomenon perpetuated by hundreds of millions of followers. But did you know that Facebook bears a significant resemblance to a spiritual teacher?

And not just any spiritual teacher. Oh no. I’m talking about a spiritual teacher with a deep and proficient relationship with a Higher Power.

And by “Higher Power,” I am not referring to Mark Zuckerberg.

Check it out. There are 7 – count ’em, 7 – traits exhibited by Facebook that are suspiciously akin to that of an avatar, or enlightened being.

Let’s take a look, shall we?

THE 7 HOLY ASPECTS OF FACEBOOK

1. Facebook celebrates small events as well as big ones

They’re all equal in the eyes of The Holy One Facebook. Your Aunt Minnie just got a new kitten. Consumers fight back against Monsanto. Does it matter to The Supreme Mother of All the world’s largest social networking site?

No, it does not. Facebook looks upon all with equanimity.

Just like a true Messiah.

2. Facebook does not “dislike” anything

On Facebook, you can “like” to your heart’s content. Your best friend’s complaint about the weather? Like. Your sister’s four millionth photo of her daughter’s ballet recital? Like. Your coworker’s link to a video of cats playing checkers? Like. Facebook refuses to bless its content with anything but acceptance.

What was it Jesus said? Love your neighbor? See, he probably meant “like” your neighbor, but he didn’t have the technology to back up his statement.

Facebook does.

3. Facebook embraces change

photo: Geraint Rowland on flickr

Like, really embraces it. They’re changing things all the time. Indeed, this is a Holy Aspect of Facebook that pisses a lot of people off.

But what if our anger is in service of our enlightenment? Any serious student of spirituality will tell you that change is the only constant. Facebook’s embrace of change challenges us to do the same.

In fact, what if that’s the reason Facebook mixes things up all the time? For the spiritual enlightenment of their followers?

This is deep, people. I’m just sayin’.

4. Facebook bursts the space-time continuum

Time and space are flexible entities on Facebook. Through the miracle of its extensive social network, you have the opportunity to be in touch with everyone you’ve ever known. Past and present meld into one on your home page. Like a time-travel machine with thumbnails.

And it’s not just the past that makes an appearance, it’s the future as well. On Facebook, you can “friend” people you’ve heard about through mutual friends. Let’s face it, you’re going to meet them eventually. Facebook allows this future meeting to become present.

And speaking of rupturing the space-time continuum, what about Timeline? I know, it’s an area of Facebook that garners a variety of opinions, but let’s look at it another way. On Timeline, you can travel to any date in the past with the click of a mouse. Soon, Facebook will probably offer a similar option for future dates.

They’ll call it Timeline, the Next Generation.

You heard it here first, people.

5. Facebook encourages transparency

photo: I Woke Up Today on flickr

If you’ve ever looked into the eyes of an enlightened master, you know you can’t hide anything from them. They see it all.

Same with Facebook. Sure, there are people who will tell you that Facebook has a questionable relationship with the concept of privacy. And this may be the case.

But who are we hiding from, really? The Divine knows everything. The more aligned we become with our spiritual natures, the more transparent we become. Both to ourselves and the world as whole.

Facebook is just nudging us in that direction. One mouse click at a time.

6. Facebook’s founder bears a suspicious resemblance to another Famous Jewish Person

Both come from modest beginnings in relatively unknown families. Both catapulted to notoriety in their twenties. Both elicited controversy for their ideas. Both produced works that were followed by millions. And both are vegetarians.

Okay, I don’t know for sure that Jesus was a vegetarian, but I have it on good word that the reason He upset the tables of the vendors in the temple was because they were out of Tofu Platter.

On his Facebook page, Mark Zuckerberg states “I’m trying to make the world a better place.”

‘Nuff said.

7. Facebook knows everything

photo: Stewart Butterfield on flick

It knows when you are sleeping. It knows when you’re awake.

Wait, that’s Santa. But any reindeer-loving senior-citizen who can deliver toys to all the children of the world in one night has some serious spiritual juju, so that just proves my point.

Who has more information on more people in the world than Facebook? The FBI? The CIA? Google?

Okay, maybe Google. We all know Google is God.

But can you have a personal relationship with Google? Can Google provide 35 “likes” to a status update about your latest Parcheesi win? I don’t think so.

Facebook knows everything about you. You, and everyone else in the world. Sounds an awful lot like a Divine Master to me.

photo: Kevin Dooley on flickr

So there you have it, the 7 Holy Aspects of what you thought was a social networking site but what is – in actuality – much, much more.

Not only does Facebook allow you to partake in its enlightened essence online, it has much to teach about how to manage the rest of your life. The next time you find yourself in a difficult situation, ask yourself: What Would Facebook Do?

Would it look on all events – large and small – with equanimity? Would it embrace change? Would it be transparent?

The great message of every spiritual teacher is that we all have the same capacity for enlightenment. Facebook is only showing us the potential that lives in each and every one of us.

So get out there! “Like” everything in sight! Embrace change! Be transparent! Tickle the space-time continuum!!

Allow the 7 Holy Aspects of Facebook to change your life!

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