photo: Alejandro Martinez on flickr
Dear Meli,
I am in the health and beauty business. Because of this, or maybe just because of the way I am, I’m always giving people makeovers in my head. It’s actually kinda fun, because I make them look way better. But I’m also aware, because I know that the spiritual view says we’re all perfect just the way we are, that maybe giving people makeovers in my head is not the best practice. What do you think?
Madeover in Miami
[hr]
Dear Madeover,
On the one hand, I think that anything that brings you joy, and doesn’t harm anyone else, is a good thing. Joyful entertainment is fabulous! And for your particular form of entertainment, you needn’t even spend any money! Very convenient.
On the other hand, there is a big assumption implied by your practice. I imagine I am safe in presuming that when you are making people over, they become closer to your (and society’s) conditioned opinion of what beauty is. While mentally managing this makeover madness, you are missing out on the perfection and beauty of Spirit’s endless variety in creation. If all the flowers were roses, how sad it would be to miss out on daisies and daffodils!
The bottom line, though, is this: If you are making them over as pure entertainment, without criticizing them, it likely feels joyful throughout your being.
But if you look closely and you notice that behind your makeovers is judgment that they don’t look good enough, then you are criticizing them. This doesn’t feel as good when doing it. This is a key! If you are going to change the habit, do so in order that YOU feel better!
So now what? Well, I would certainly NOT recommend that you judge your SELF for judging THEM! 🙂
But you can take on the spiritual practice of noticing when you do this, and then – instead – look for their perfections. Notice what is beautiful about them just as they are.
You may even find that your definition of beauty expands! And this is a beautiful thing, indeed!
Blessings and Love to you in all you do!
Meli
What’s your experience with mental makeovers? Share your comments below!
Have a question for Meli? Interested in a private session (in person or Skype)? Contact her at meli@ohmygodlife.com
Hi Meli, I love your balanced and loving perspective, and I think a lot of us women are at this junction right now, where we have become aware of how cultural ideals or standards of beauty have caused us to feel less than. We used to either just accept our “place” on the beauty hierarchy or fight like hell to conform and look “better.” We may still do that, but now we’re also fighting to accept ourselves the way we are and see our true beauty (as well as that in others). Thanks for the great reminder!
Hi Jill!
Yes! Balance is so key for me….I say, as I sit in bed typing this…LOL
And aging is great for creating contrast between society’s “standards” and true beauty – the beauty of wisdom, joy and love…which I usually find MORE present in older folks…heh heh, myself included.
So silly – society’s standards, and yet they can be SO powerful! Our work seems to be cut out for us… 😉
And I see you walk that line so gracefully. And, if you’ll pardon the cliche, beautifully! 🙂
Thanks for connecting here!
Love you…
As you point out, Meli, I think it’s all about how good a person feels when doing the mental makeover. If it feels like fun entertainment, great. If it feels like noticing people’s flaws, not so great.
Sometimes in crowds, I play a little game I call “What’s weird about this person, place, or thing?” It’s a silent source of amusement, and it helps me develop my powers of observation. Sometimes I feel a little critical when doing it, though, and then I quit it and instead play, “What can I find to appreciate about this person, place, or thing?”
It just all depends on what feels good at the time. Feeling emotionally good is so important, as we know, for it is then that we’re in harmony with Source and allowing well-being to flow to us unbridled. 🙂
Hi Karen!
I LOVE BOTH of those games and am now going to incorporate them into my arsenal of mind entertainment. 😉 Thank you!
May we both continue to flow in harmony with The One…where all beauty can be found. <3
Hugs...
My comment is out of left-field (though that is not unusual for me!)
When I read the title of the blog I thought you were going to talk about doing a mental make-over of how we view a person, i.e. if we have been thinking someone is always angry, or not caring, or not talented enough, we can make-over our perception of them so that we view them, at their core, as gentle, compassionate, and talented. It reminded me that it is a very real phenomenon for people to rise to the occasion if they’re perceived as wonderful (probably mostly true with people we interact with on a regular basis). And, I thought, “Hmmm…great idea. I need to do that with some people in my life. Thanks, Mel and Z!”
So, really, I guess you wrote two blogs at once!!!
xoxo
LOL, Kayla!
I wrote one, and then YOU wrote an AWESOME one too! THANK YOU! 🙂
I do think that people so often show up in the way we think they will – as you believe….after all….right? I love YOUR post too!
Thanks!
🙂
<3
I say to quit calling them “make-overs” and know in your heart that your desire is to amplify the beauty that is ALREADY there!
Totally! I agree.