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photo: Kevin King on flikr

The Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Done

No, I’m not talking about jumping out of a plane (no way) or wrestling porcupines (ouch) or running with the bulls in Pamplona (can you say shin splints?) I’m talking about something else altogether. Something much more daring. Picture this: I am sitting on a chair. I am doing nothing. Nothing. I am not talking, or […]

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How I Broke out of Piano Prison

I can hear you now. What on earth is piano prison?! Is it a place for people who steal baby grands from cocktail lounges? A penitentiary shaped like a giant piano? A room full of people playing Feelings and Tiny Bubbles? Oh no, my friends. It’s worse. Much worse. Let me explain. I was trained […]

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My Short, Sad Life as a Rodeo Clown

If I told you I used to work as a rodeo clown, would you believe me? If you said Yes, you’re in the majority. Most of the people to whom I’ve told this crazy story have believed me. Notice the past tense. Told. My days as a fake former-rodeo-clown are over. I used to think it […]

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lou lou the queen of everything

What I Learned from My Cat’s Crack Addiction

Don’t do drugs. Everyone knows that, right? But it’s easier said than done. Ask my cat Lucy. Lucy is a good cat. Oh sure, she has a slight tendency to bite things – people, paper, wooden railings. You should have seen it before I re-painted it. Lucy’s oral fixation extends to her eating habits. When […]

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What I Do When I Can’t Pray

Have you ever heard the expression “The darkest hour is just before dawn?” How about “A prolonged period of cranky, disgruntled, rabidly-toxic cynism precedes grace.” Have you heard that one? Probably not. It’s true, though. Take it from me. The recently cranky-and-disgruntled one. Here’s what happened. A few weeks ago, I had to take a […]

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Healing Shame, One Traffic Ticket at a Time

What’s more fun than getting pulled over by a cop? Nothing, really. And boy howdy, did I have fun the other day! But I’m getting ahead of myself. The good times started way before my glorious interaction with the law. The fun began after my walk at Spring Lake the other morning, when I was […]

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cupcakes and the king, does it get any better?

Attack of the Killer Birthday: Thoughts on Turning Fifty

I’m turning fifty in a month. I’m not happy about it. I’m not gonna lie. If I was going to lie, I would say this: Numbers mean nothing to me. They’re just numbers. I don’t even pay attention to them!! I’m a free spirit!! Free spirits don’t pay attention to numbers because numbers are oppressive. […]

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photo: Leland Francisco on flickr

My 5 Step Tango with God: How I Pray

What is prayer? What’s the best way to pray? What’s the most powerful method for developing an instant pipeline to the Universe, the Source of All? There isn’t one. I’m not saying that I don’t believe in prayer. I do. I’m just saying that there isn’t one right way to pray. That’s like saying there’s […]

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photo: Jonathan Day

Battling My Inner Task Master, Round 379

What do vacations and to-do lists have in common? Nothing. They have nothing in common. So why was my recent vacation dominated by one? Let me tell you. First of all, I’m not a fan of lists. I think they’re fascist. Actually, it’s not the lists themselves that are fascist. It’s what my mind does […]

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25 Random Things About Z

1. My middle name is Hammer. 2. When people find this out, they say, “No!” Then they say, “You’re kidding!” Then they start to laugh uncontrollably. I explain that it’s a last name, a family name. Still, they laugh. Personally, I like having a tool for a middle name. It comes in handy in a […]

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