Hi Elizabeth,

Thank you so much for your comment and for this information. I’m so glad that you were able to clarify your experience and get some relief!!

XOZ

It’s called Limerance, a combination of OCD, anxiety, depression and addictions that are typically triggered by childhood trauma during early years of development.

It’s real and I suffered from it throughout my youth and early adult years. I lost so much quality time in my early years with ruminating over people who had no interest in me or were toxic.

It delayed my education and starting a career, like being held back a grade or flunking out.

Eventually I finished college because of a toxic relationship had become a liability and threat because I ended up in poverty. My middle class roots or pride motivated me to pull myself out of this situation.

Similar to hoarding and other disorders, it’s hard to treat with younger people because it carries stigma (e.g. Fatal Attraction, Death of a Cheerleader true-story or celebrity stalkers).

Most suffer in silence with Limerance and are reluctant to admit to having this disorder and not wanting to be outed and labeled a ‘creep’.

Limerance should be classified as a disorder where comorbidities of OCD, addiction, anxiety and depression are disabling, especially for LBGTQ.

Hi Linette,

First of all, I am so sorry about the breakup. Breakups are hard. They just are. And in time, everything really does get better. But when things really hurt, it can be hard to believe that things will be better. But they will.

The BEST thing you can do is to surround yourself with people who love you. And that includes learning to love yourself. Also easier said than done. It takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. But over time, with the love of friends and yourself, you WILL find someone who loves you for you. And who is available.

Being attracted to unavailable people is a way that some people – my (past) self included – push away people who really are available. For me, I blamed the unavailable people, but what was also true was that I wasn’t yet ready for a more available relationship. Eventually, though, I was. And it is SO worth waiting for.

So hang in there!! You’re worth it!! 🙂

XOZ

Hi Sandi,

Trust is such a huge factor in a relationship. It sounds like you’re getting really clear about what you need and deserve in a relationship – awesome!! I love that you are now opening to moving on and finding someone more compatible with you and your desires. And so it is! 🙂

XOZ

Hi Georgia,

Yes, I can see that having people who fit into those A, B, and C categories is certainly VERY appealing if we’re going for the You/happy = Me/loveable formulation. I think it’s SO awesome that you now know how wonderful and loveable you are now. Just because. And that you’re surrounded by other people who know it too – both about themselves and you! Yay you!! 🙂

XOZ

Hi Natasha!

Wow – sounds like a powerful revelation. At least for me, anything that brings up lots of tears is a big movement and shift and release and healing. So I am grateful that this is all moving for you. And I love that you are getting that you are enough! This is SO important and healing and loving to see this and feel this and get this.

Love Love,

XOZ

Hi Sherry,

Awesome. I love being saved! 🙂

XOZ