Comments on: Two Things NOT to Do in Relationships

By: Z Egloff

Z Egloff — Thu, 26 Mar 2020 22:00:43 +0000

In reply to Marina. Hi Marina, Wow, what a wonderful example of dropping defensiveness and coming from empathy. Beautiful! It's such a great example of how being able to do that is best for BOTH partners. Thank you for sharing!! XOXOZ

By: Marina

Marina — Thu, 26 Mar 2020 15:58:38 +0000

Sometimes you gotta just get out of the way… years ago I came home and as soon as I walked in the door my (now late) husband read me up once side and down the other about something I did or didn’t do (can’t even remember now what it was). Instead of my usual defensive/counter attack response…I sat down and asked him if something happened to him today. His shoulders dropped and he told me about a very upsetting event in his day. I was able to reflect empathy to him after which he was able to tell me he wasn’t mad at me at all. It was a beautiful turning point for me. I got out of my own way and was able to see him, really see and hear him.

By: Z Egloff

Z Egloff — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 23:16:47 +0000

In reply to Sam. Hi Sam, Thank you! Love and Blessings back atcha, Z :)

By: Z Egloff

Z Egloff — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 23:16:12 +0000

In reply to Karen Money Williams. "Let 'em all off the hook." How freeing is that?! I also love that you point out that shifting our mental focus has the added benefit of supporting more harmonious behavior in others! :)

By: Z Egloff

Z Egloff — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 23:14:51 +0000

In reply to Cindy.

You’re welcome! It really is simple, though sometimes challenging to execute – but practice makes perfect! 🙂

By: Z Egloff

Z Egloff — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 23:14:11 +0000

In reply to Jill Shinn. That's a great point, Jill. Nipping things in the bud has huge benefits down the road! :)

By: Jill Shinn

Jill Shinn — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 16:57:13 +0000

This is so true. And nipping adversarial patterns in the bud when they first arise is critical, because the moment when we fall into a distructive groove marks a lot of armoring,blaming, and suffering down the road. It’s hard to be vulnerable, but it beats collecting toilet paper rolls! Thanks, Z.

By: Cindy

Cindy — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 15:00:46 +0000

Wow, you really made it simple to see how easily it can be to make a statement without being rude or judgmental! Thank you!

By: Karen Money Williams

Karen Money Williams — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 14:57:45 +0000

My relationships changed dramatically when I learned the concept of not making my happiness contingent on what the other person was or wasn’t doing. I admit that’s tricky on a daily basis but is so freeing once we get the hang of it. As I practice finding better-feeling thoughts when something’s happening that I don’t like and as I practice appreciating the heck out of my partner when things are going well, I’ve found more joy in my relationship than I could have dreamed of. As Abe says, “Let ’em all off the hook.” Take total responsibility for your own happiness via your mental focus and then, ironically, watch how much better they “behave.” 🙂

By: Sam

Sam — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 14:22:35 +0000

Fantastic article “Z”, thank you! Peace to All, Sam