Dear Meli,
I had a spiritual awakening really early in life, when I was thirteen years old. Ever since then, I have been full of faith in Divine wisdom and guidance. Until recently. A friend of mine passed away. She was only 27 years old, only a few years younger than me. I can’t make sense of it. I know intellectually that everything is in Divine Order, but this just seems wrong. She was so young. She had so much life to look forward to. Can you help me see this differently?
Doubting the Divine
Dear Doubting,
Thank you so much for writing. How wonderful for you, and all those whose lives you’ve touched since, that you had a spiritual awakening so young. What a gift!
I can absolutely understand how your friend’s death could shake your faith. I think young people dying is one of the most dramatic things those of us with faith wrestle with.
I don’t have a tidy response for you, or one that will easily restore your faith and erase your conflict.
There are lots of things to see, if we’re looking for them, that don’t make sense with our limited understanding of life. Our minds tell us that certain things are good and others bad. But who are we to assess and judge life this way? I don’t mean this as a judgment at all! And I certainly don’t mean to make light of your pain! We all do this!
But I think it is this very tendency to judge things as good or bad that will inevitably lead us to doubting the Love of Spirit. Terrible things happen to wonderful people every day. And miracles happen to people who have done atrocious things! This alone would be enough to throw anyone’s faith into chaos.
But we can’t see the Grand Picture. For all we know, it was the most beautiful possibility of all for your friend to pass when she did. I mean no disrespect by this! I’m just pointing out that we simply don’t have all the information.
There are so many ways to view the meaning and purpose of life, and that of dying. Some would say that your friend came for a greater purpose than we could possibly see, and that that purpose had been fulfilled. One could even say that her gift to you was her passing young, to allow you to dive more deeply into your faith – as one can only do in the face of tragedies that don’t make sense – to support your deeper journey into your relationship with Spirit.
Your friend’s body and personality have left this life form. But her energy has only shifted form into one that you don’t see. She has returned to the fabric of beingness that is all of creation. She is not gone.
I do think that this is the very definition of a walk by faith. To trust in a greater perfection in the face of a world full of pain and sadness. For the very definition of faith is “a firm belief, trust, or confidence in someone, something, or a set of teachings that goes beyond immediate physical proof or total empirical evidence.” By definition, this is going to be tested by this time-space continuum on this material plane, and the life unfolding here.
My first piece of advice to you will come as no surprise:
1) Take this heartbreak and the challenges it is bringing you straight to Spirit. Ask for help. Ask for the death of your friend to lead to a restoration and greater understanding of your faith.
2) Ask your friend to support you from the “other side.” Ask her to come to you in your sleep, or to bring you a sign. Whatever you think would be uniquely her way of connecting to you. Open to her continuing on with you in your mind and heart in a deeper way.
3) Meditate on the consciousness of duality: good and bad. Ask for Spirit, and your own soul, to bring you clarity and understanding that might support a shift for you. A shift into a faith that has been deeply tested, and yet rests, unruffled, deep within your being. This strengthening of your personal connection with Spirit will be a gift to you for the rest of your days, just as your friend was a gift to you when she was here with you.
4) Practice awareness that this pain you’re feeling – the suffering, grief and loss of your friend – is an energy wishing to pass through you at this time. It need not be a permanent state of suffering. The more you can surrender to it, and allow it to move through you, the more fully you are honoring the love you and she shared. The grief is equal to the love lost.
5) There are beautiful books that might support you at this time as well. Ram Dass’s Walking Each Other Home is one such possibility. It specifically looks at framing the grief journey and process as one for the soul, rather than for the ego. Thich Nhat Hahn is another favorite of mine. Also, Stephen Levine’s Who Dies is another wonderful book on the process of death and dying. Any of this type of material could be extremely helpful for you during this time.
6) Finally, be extremely gentle with yourself right now. Move more slowly. Allow yourself plenty of rest and time for reflection. Reach out to others you can trust with your heart, and talk about what you’re going through.
There is another side to this journey you’re walking right now. You don’t need to understand what that looks like, or how to get there. You only need to surrender to the journey. You can’t get it wrong.
Remember that just as your friend was a blessing to you, you were a blessing to her. Lean into the gratitude for her presence in your life, and the gifts you were able to bring to one another.
May this process lead you to a deeper walk, deeper-than-ever faith, and peace beyond your wildest imaginings.
Wishing you peace,
Melissa
What is your experience with shaken faith? Share your comments below!
Got a question for Dear Meli? Write to Meli@OhMyGodLife.com.
Want Sneak Peeks, Insider Info, and other Fun Stuff?! Become a member of OhMyGod Life!
