Dear Meli,

I have a great job. I’ve been there over a decade and I love it. I feel like I’m doing good work and I’m appreciated by my clients and my coworkers. There’s only one area where I’m experiencing conflict, and that’s with a new coworker. She is extremely negative. And, for whatever reason, she’s glommed onto me. We all eat lunch in the break room and she’s taken to always sitting at my table with me – sometimes just the two of us. I try to steer the conversation in more positive directions, but it doesn’t tend to stick. I’m not sure how to handle it. I can’t imagine saying something to her directly, but I don’t feel like I can take it anymore. Not to sound too much like her, but she’s the only dim spot in an otherwise great situation.

Confused Coworker

Dear Confused,

Thank you for writing. And congratulations on your wonderful job! What a fabulous experience to love your work and feel appreciated. Yay for great work and for goodness all around!

Unfortunately, life has challenges in it. Not to sound negative. Cuz I assume you know I’m not one of those people! But let’s be real. Life is amazing. And it also keeps us moving forward, ever-evolving. And sometimes whatever is helping us evolve (enter nega coworker) can seem like a “dim spot.”

I have friends who would say that if you keep your vibration high enough, others simply won’t ever bother you! Perhaps I haven’t ever been successful at maintaining my high vibe long enough? But, suffice to say, I haven’t found evidence of this being true in my own experience.

I have other friends who would say, “Just talk to her.” I don’t agree because having that type of conversation implies a degree of intimacy that you don’t want with that person. This is really important, and something I didn’t used to understand. So trust yourself when you say you can’t imagine talking to her. Because that’s almost certainly a choice that’s perfectly aligned with the kind of relationship you want, and don’t want, with her!

So what’s a happy person to do?

If it were me, I’d stay away from the situation for a while. I would need to be elsewhere. I wouldn’t lie about this. I would simply find ways to actually need to be elsewhere:

1. Maybe for a period of time, you decide to take up walking for the first and largest portion of your break. Then eat a little more quickly (because you’re not going to be distracted by others), at your desk, before you dive back into your afternoon.

2. Maybe you decide to take up meditation. You can (quite honestly) say, if asked, that you’ve noticed yourself feeling stressed sometimes as you start your afternoon. You’ve decided to take care of that by adding meditation to your break before you eat. (Again, eating alone at your desk before you start your afternoon.)

3. You could decide to watch funny videos, or a t.v. show during lunch for a while. Something you can stream that will be more likely to lift your spirits and still feel like a restful break.

4. Here’s a thought! Start a Gratitude Practice Circle during lunch! Let your workmates know that you’ve realized the blessings of this kind of practice (there’s lots of science-based evidence out there!) and that you’re looking for any size group to dive into “positivity while eating.” You could even suggest they read our book, “The Oh My God Practice!” (I mean, just an idea…tee hee) But you certainly can lead them through a gratitude practice without them having read the book. This way, you’re creating a new level of positivity and intimacy with a clear focus on the kind of conversation that will either repel or bless your newest work-pal.

Anything that allows you to honestly need to step away from the availability that has allowed you to become an “energy vampire magnet.” Something else you need to do that’s true, and good for you, that you take up for a period of time. This will allow your new “friend” to find someone(s) else or navigate their way without you, creating new habits for them. And after a time, if you decide you’d like to return to the more social lunch practice, you could even ask someone else to join you before lunch, in order to “protect yourself.”

It’s really about not remaining available for the vortex of nagging. Sometimes it takes very direct action, like any of the examples above. But it is still possible to step back gently, simply by breaking the cycle of whatever has created your being available to them.

Your happiness is worth protecting! Even if it means “having to” take action to protect your energy. You are at choice here. It’s a matter of finding a way to un-choose what’s been, and let go of the habit you’ve had, in order to open to an even better lunch break for you!

Gratefully, you also are writing this to a platform where there are others, wiser than me, who I imagine will have additional ideas.

Blessings and Love to you in all you do!

In Joy,

Melissa

What is your experience with complaining peeps? Share your comments below!

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