Dear Meli,

Three years ago, I met a great guy. This was the man of my dreams. He was into spiritual stuff, he was really kind, and he wasn’t bad looking either. We hung out for about a year and everything was going great. Then, all of a sudden, he stopped calling. I knew that he still alive because we have acquaintances in common, but he wouldn’t return my calls/texts/emails. Finally I stopped trying. But here’s the thing. It’s three years later and I still can’t let it go. I still feel so heartbroken. And there’s no closure – I have no idea why he cut me off. How can I move on?

Heartbroken and Hurting

Dear Heartbroken,

It’s especially challenging to find closure when it’s not possible to talk to the person with whom we want completion! I imagine that makes this situation especially painful for you.

And please forgive the harshness of this next statement, but, in a way there has been a clear communication from him. As sad and disappointing as it must be, his lack of replies are a very loud statement that he did not want to continue in the direction you two were headed.

I know this is a far less-than-ideal way to “hear” something like that. But no matter how “enlightened” we are, it never feels good to be rejected. Feeling pushed away isn’t going to be something we ever feel good – or even neutral – about. It hurts!

Because you can’t say what you need to say directly, I would follow the advice given to people who have lost a loved one to sudden or unexpected death. Two of these would include:

1. Write a letter to him. 

This would be a letter you wouldn’t send to him, a letter where you are free to say every single thing you have wanted to say.

2. Do a ritual. 

You might say aloud what you haven’t been able to say to him directly.

Write down what you want to let go of as you let go of him. What aspects of that relationship’s dynamics are you willing to release?

You may want to burn something that symbolizes the relationship. Imagine the grief and any other pains you’ve had around him being released along with the smoke.

You may want to write down what you claim and desire. What is it you long for in this area of your life? Burn that as well. However, this time as you burn it, the smoke goes forth into the Universe as a signal, a beacon to your new good…calling it to you and into form.

Then open to the new. Whatever it is you want for your heart and consciousness. Breathe it in to your heart. Your new beginning. Well-deserved and beautiful.

Another thing to check in about is this: Are you holding on to a dream of what might have been? Or are you really holding on to what you had with him? I imagine you are still holding on to the potentiality, more than the actual relationship. After all, how awesome could he have been if he was so callous with your heart to disappear the way he did?

Finally, remember that as you look toward a future where you might open to love again, you can imagine having all the best parts of the relationship you had with him. But imagine you also have whatever was missing from that relationship.

Allow yourself to feel the joy and freedom of having let go of him and all he stood for. Feel your joy for this new love as if you already have it in your life. Let yourself get excited about it and grateful for it – as if it’s already present in your life.

And if you’re not ready for that, imagine yourself free of the pain, happy again, and ready for love in your life in a way that works perfectly for you! Sometimes we first need to imagine the next step on the way to our grander dreams.

Whatever you do, love your sweet heart the way you wish he had loved it. Deeply cherish and honor you through the process of your beautiful healing.

Ask yourself what good this process has brought you. How has this grown you and blessed you? Be thankful for the blessings. Anything you can do to get yourself back to joy will carry you forth to your greater good.

It’s waiting for you.

Blessings and Love to you in all you do!

In Joy,

Meli