Dear Meli,

When I was in my thirties, I started meditating every day. I loved it! I noticed the difference in my life immediately. I felt calmer and less reactive. It was an amazing difference. I kept up the daily practice for over two decades. And then…. I took a demanding job. I had a difficult breakup. I moved to a new state. All these things combined to create less time and inclination for meditation. I still meditate from time to time, but I no longer have the discipline for daily practice. Do you have any guidance for how to get back to it?

Meandering Meditator

Dear Meandering,

I, too, find that my daily meditation practice makes a tremendous difference in my life! So I understand both the appreciation you had for it when you were able to get to it, and the conflict you feel with it missing in your life.

It has taken me years to find my way to a sustainable daily practice that has been sustainable. Life can be so much, all by itself! I have a friend, Joel Keller, who once wrote a song called, “Life Takes Up All of My Time!” So true! And sometimes more true than others. It sounds like you’ve gone through one of those times.

I have two completely different opinions in response to your query. So instead of choosing one, I’ll say both here and trust you to feel into which is true for you.

My first reply is that if meditation made that much difference for you, it’s likely going to again. All you need to do is figure out how/when it fits into your day. And commit. Until it’s a habit.

Many a wise practitioner has been known to say that when they have more in their schedule, they do a longer meditation on those days!

I have seen the wisdom of this in my own life. After an especially lengthy, or luxuriously deeper practice, I find myself more focused and able to achieve more in a shorter time.

So that’s one way to go. Push through and figure out how to get your daily practice back into your life. Because it will absolutely be worth it!

My second answer is that you need to be gentle with yourself! No matter your daily spiritual practices, or lack thereof. Being gentle with yourself is a spiritual practice in and of itself. Love yourself in the midst of whatever it happening. That includes loving yourself when you’re not able to get to daily meditation.

The paradox of this is that loving yourself no matter what may well lead to you more easily finding your way back to a daily meditation practice!

Another thing to consider is that there may be an unknown value in your not meditating daily for a period of time.

When I was growing up, I went in and out of studying piano lessons weekly. I did this back and forth dance for 10 years! (I still deeply appreciate that my parents allowed me to stop and then paid for me to restart again, every time.) The beauty of this was that I kept missing the study and practice whenever I was on a break for a bit. It became very clear to me how much I preferred my life with more music in it!

And now? I see that that awareness led me to choose music as my life’s work and career.

The allowing of the ebb and flow was highly beneficial for me in this case. Perhaps there is a similar blessing for you in allowing yourself to stop meditating. And coming back to it when you’re compelled to.

It seems to me that life is filled with similar quandaries. When do I push myself to do something I’m resisting? When do I listen and know that the lack of desire is because it’s best if I let it go for now? I personally believe that a big facet of spiritual evolution is knowing which is being called for in each moment.

For me, a supreme value of meditation is connecting me with my intuition. This intuition guides me in knowing the appropriate answer to the “time to push or not?” question.

I apologize if this answer is all over the place. But it is what comes to me in response. I hope it’s helpful. I wish for you your greatest happiness, meditating or not!

Blessings and Love to you in all you do!

In Joy,

Melissa