Photo: Jackie Lynn Images on flickr

Dear Meli,

I am a strong-minded person who tells it like it is. Some people are turned off by this, but my closest friends are not. Lately though, I was dating a man I really liked a lot. As he was breaking up with me, he said that I’m just “too much” for him. This is something I’ve heard before, but this time it made me wonder if I need to make some changes. Do you have any thoughts on this?

Too Much

Dear Too Much,

Good for you for reflecting on something someone said to you even after they hurt your feelings! Impressive.

As a strong woman (Z likes to say I’m “kick-a**”), I am very familiar with the “you’re too much” statement. I, too, have often asked myself the same question. Now and then, after getting the feeling from someone (yet again) that they didn’t like me because I’m too much, I would ask myself, “Should try to be less?”

Through the years, though, I have altered the question. Now I ask, “Is there an aspect of my self that I think I could change or soften, that by changing it, I might like myself better? For me, I’ve found the answer to be “yes” for such things as being quick to jump to conclusions about others, being kinder to myself and others, and becoming more conscious of my energy when I’m in a hurry. Like that. 😉

Two other things come to mind to say about this. First of all, there is a possibility that you simply are not a good fit for him. What I mean is, it’s possible that his comment has nothing to do with you, and says more about him (which is always true, actually). Keep that in mind.

And, finally, I often notice a sexist undertone to this concept. What I mean is, sometimes a woman people think is “too much” is simply strong and knows what she wants. A strong woman can be called unkind names when the same person, if in a male body, could be considered powerful. We like to think this is changing in our modern world, but studies show that this is far from true.

So after reflecting  on your characteristics, and doing your best to become someone you like and feel good about being, stand strong! Allow yourself to be the powerful woman you are! And know that your match is out there – a man who’s man enough to stand tall right along side you and love your power, unfazed and undaunted by his commanding woman. He will be able to find you best if you’re you full kick-a** self! You go girl!

Blessings and Love to you in all you do!

In Joy,

Meli

When have you felt the need to change for someone else? Share your comments below!

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