FB

Dear Meli,

My brother lost his husband about five years ago. Prior to his husband’s death, my brother had been sober for fifteen years. However, the death of his spouse proved too much to bear, and my brother went off the wagon. He would get sober again for a few weeks, but then fall off again. It was really hard to see him during this time. He was often drunk, and I found it hard to communicate with him. It was pretty heartbreaking. I recently got a call from him, and he says that he’s back in meetings and has been sober for about a month. This is obviously great news. And yet, I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Especially because he went on and off the wagon so many times over the last five years. I feel like I should be happy for him, but I’m mostly just scared. Am I crazy?

Skeptical Sibling


Dear Skeptical,

Gosh. I’m so sorry to hear about your brother’s challenges. And the pain and conflict those have created for you as well!

Addiction is such a difficult thing. As a recovering addict, I can tell you it’s excruciating to be active in one’s addiction.

As a family member and friend of people suffering from addiction, I sympathize with your challenges, too! Unfortunately, as they say, addiction takes hostages. Two of those hostages are trust and faith.

It is not at all surprising that you’d feel a little gun-shy about your brother’s sobriety. Actually, I’d say that’s a very healthy stance!

Not only has he shown that his sobriety doesn’t always “stick,” you almost certainly have some PTSD from his previous relapses! It is excruciating to watch someone we love make choices we know will lead to their eventual suffering or demise. There is no way around the difficulty of that. But when you add to that, watching someone who is doing well and you see them choose to let the wellness and good works go? The worst!

You don’t have to share your lack of faith, or your concerns, or your grief with him. But it’s healthy to question the odds. Because the odds are stacked against addicts, in general. It’s a harsh truth, but the stats all say this is true.

He’s also got grieving to go through. The grieving that he drowned when he started drinking again has been waiting for him to be able to fully feel. He will need extra love for that, in addition to the challenging experience of living the rest of his life sober, one day at a time!

It’s also healthy for you to take care of yourself in all the ways you know how. Including exploring possible ways to more fully understand and handle your own PTSD. This could go far in allowing you to stand witness to celebrating his current success, without bypassing or sharing your own fears, or acting out (on him or yourself) from your own PTSD.

As you do your own work around your previous disappointments and pain, you’ll become a clearer channel of love. As you return to this clearer place, you’ll be able to more easily love and support him.

I wish you all the very best in your journey – with your sweet self – and with him!

Blessings and Love to you in all you do!

In Joy,

Melissa

What is your experience with addiction and relapse – yourself or others? Share your comments below!

Want Sneak Peeks, Insider Info, and other Fun Stuff?! Become a member of OhMyGod Life!

 

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This