Dear Meli,
I have done a lot of healing work around my childhood. Especially around my mother. She was really tough on me during most of my childhood and even though I’ve done a lot of healing around her, I’m still aware of being really angry with her. She died about five years ago, so that’s makes the whole thing even harder for me. I feel like I should be able to move on, but I can’t seem to get there. Spiritual practice certainly helps, as does therapy, but I’m feeling like I’m needing something more. Any thoughts on this?
Mad at Mom
Dear Mad,
Mothers are such a rich topic. I’ve often thought this is especially true for women, but in reality, I don’t think it matters. For many of us, mothers are our first love. And the first person to whom we look for unconditional love.
The problem with that is that moms are human. They have their own issues and challenges. And then you add to that the fact that their job is to teach us. Which includes saying “No.” And often! Kind of a set-up, if you ask me. Not that saying “No” can’t be done lovingly, because it can. But it’s a skill not all people have mastery over.
Forgiveness is an amazing thing. All kinds of goodness comes from forgiving, including improved relationships, decreased anxiety and stress, lower blood pressure, a lowered risk of depression, and stronger immune and heart health. So I’m all for it!
And not judging yourself for not having fully forgiven is one place to begin in your process.
Another thing is the value of putting yourself in her shoes. I had an experience recently with a new level of forgiving my own mother. It came from a new level of compassion as I looked more deeply into her circumstances at the time of my childhood.
I have also found The Work of Byron Katie to be a wonderful practice. I had immense healing with my mother when she was still alive that came from that line of inquiry.
Finally, the evolution of my soul has been exactly what it has been because of the wounding I experienced from my mother. Understanding this, and having faith that this evolution has been perfect in its own ways, has also dramatically aided in my forgiveness journey.
The works of Fred Luskin have also supported me. In particular, I received value from his explanation that my inability to forgive was connected to my fear. In my case, fear that the feelings I have about the past experience was too much for me. Spiritual practice helped me to gain enough strength, courage, and faith to feel I could face those emotions.
Blessings and Love to you in all you do!
In Joy,
Melissa
What is your experience with forgiveness of a parent? Share your comments below!
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