Dear Meli,

I have what may be a weird problem. After five years, my business has really started to take off. Needless to say, this is pretty exciting! Except for one thing. I’m starting to get worried that I’m getting a big head. I’m feeling really excited about our business, but I’m starting to wonder if that’s my ego. I’ve been on the spiritual path for longer than I’ve been in this business, and I’m starting to worry that maybe my pride about the success of our business is getting in the way of my spiritual growth. Do you have any thoughts on this?

Swollen With Success

Dear Swollen,

First of all, congratulations to you on your success! That’s wonderful!

I sometimes think that the ego has gotten a very bad rap. The definition of ego depends on how you’re referring to it. In relation to psychoanalysis, it’s “the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.” Sounds downright important and necessary for functioning in the world, right? Without it, we get psychosis. Nice to avoid when possible!

In metaphysics, the definition is “a conscious thinking subject.” Again, not something we avoid being (unless you are in meditation and have a goal of not thinking…a topic for other replies). Being able to think is a valuable asset.

So, “getting rid of ego” as a goal is not such a great idea for your mental health!

The manner in which it is often referred to in spiritual circles can also be a set-up. Someone might have a reaction to you sharing your joy of success, and say you’re being egotistical. But this would be because they are triggered by your success, or even your pride! Their issue, not yours.

I’m not suggesting you meet people and lead with your description of who you are by touting your successes in the world. Or even that you share about it without consciously choosing whether the person you’re with is safe before such a discussion. That’s just self-care!

But allowing yourself to feel good about your accomplishments? That is healthy. It feels good. And feeling good is good for the brain and they body!

Where we can get into trouble is this: If we need success in the outer world in order to know that we’re okay or good enough. Then we’re setting ourselves up for an emotional roller coaster ride. Because we humans have ups. And we have downs.

Even those with great success, maybe especially those, can be assured that some disappointment lays ahead. (This is not to say you should focus on that or be afraid of it in advance. That would not be helpful in any way! Because what matters is that when disappointment does strike, you keep going, get back up on that ol’ proverbial horse, and move forward toward your next dream.)

Meanwhile, what a gift and a blessing to feel grateful and happy about what you have accomplished thus far. Allow that feeling to seep through you! Allow it to permeate your being and buoy your next great adventure. Allow yourself, even if only in the privacy of your own office or your own heart, to gloat and dance in celebration of the good you’ve done. Celebrate!

My personal definition of ego is “sense of self.” Through years of spiritual and psychological work, my sense of self has radically changed. I love my self now in a way I wouldn’t have dreamed possible years ago! Some of this love has come from allowing myself to feel good about accomplishments. Let your ego evolve by celebrating the good you put out into the world. And let it be FUN!

Blessings and Love to you in all you do!

In Joy,

Melissa

What is your experience with the ego and success? Share your comments below!

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