Dear Meli,

I am having a hard time adjusting to my current life. For three decades, I worked in the non-profit sector. I loved my job and found it fulfilling, but it took a lot of time and energy. My husband and I both recently retired and moved to be closer to my grandkids. The good news is that I get to see them a lot. The less good news is that I feel like my life has gotten so much smaller. The only people that I’m impacting are my grandkids. This is wonderful in many ways, but sometimes I feel like I’m not contributing enough. Any thoughts on this?

Living a Little Life

Dear Living,

Thank you so much for writing. Congratulations on your recent retirement! And your move to be closer to your children and grandchildren. Big stuff!

Also, thank you for your years of service in the non-profit sector. That’s something to feel fabulous about!

I think it can be easy, in our current culture, to think our life needs to be big – affecting many people directly – to really matter. But that is so untrue!

First of all, the measure of a life is not from one particular time period. But also, we – while here on this plane – do not get to know the blessing we are to the world.

I recently had a beautiful conversation with my favorite college music professor, Dr. Robert Bowman. (We still visit him when we’re in his area, and we had lunch.) He is in the process of letting go of private students. He’s still performing and is still teaching some. But less so. When he said something about keeping one or two students, I said something like, “To continue to be serving and giving?” And he replied, a little taken aback, “Oh, no! When you are alone in your room and practicing music, you are blessing the Universe! That energy goes out and makes a difference.”

I considered being embarrassed. But I was a bit too moved and impressed by his answer to go there. His comment continues to reverberate (no pun intended) through my days. It makes me aware that I can never know the difference I am making, just by being the kindest person I can be.

As you enjoy your family, you cannot know the difference you are making in their lives. You cannot know the lives that will be affected and blessed in future generations because you are taking the time to be with them!

So there’s that.

However, I don’t want to minimize the challenges of moving from your previous life to a new one. This is a huge deal! And one that deserves extra care to connect and find new friends and activities that fill you up, allowing you to feel connected as possible. To be engaged with life is to feel alive and to thrive. So you might also consider reaching out to find community beyond your immediate family, over time, to anchor you into a new place.

Most of all, be gentle with yourself and your husband. You are adjusting to tremendous changes! These changes, even if fully joyful, are stressful. Change alone, even when exciting and great, is still a stressor. Keep this in mind as you settle into your new normal. And know that your Presence cannot be measured. For you are invaluable. I’m sure your grandchildren would agree!

May you all be blessed by the love you share. That love makes a difference, even if it seems like it stays in the family. For it is true what was written, “No man is an island.”

Blessings and Love to you in all you do!

In Joy,

Melissa

What is your experience with different-sized lives? Share your comments below!

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