Dear Meli,

I recently started a plant-based diet. This diet is really working for me. I’m losing weight, I have more energy, and I’m feeling fabulous. There’s only one problem. My partner, who is usually super supportive of everything I do, is not supportive of my new way of eating. I’m not asking him to change how he eats, but he’s acting threatened anyway. Also, I used to cook for him, but he’s not interested in anything I’m making that’s plant based. He tries it, but says he doesn’t like it. My new diet is causing stress and tension in what used to be a great relationship. Help!

Plant-Based and Perplexed 

Dear Plant-Based,

Congratulations to you for taking such a wonderful step toward your greater health!

It’s a big deal to change our food. It can be challenging to eat vegan in today’s meat-happy world. But I agree with my doctors that it’s the best choice for thriving wellness. The challenges are surpassed by the rewards!

It’s especially tough to stay the course when living with someone who doesn’t eat the same foods. If, in addition, they don’t support you in your choices, it’s all-the-more difficult! Conversations definitely need to continue until you find ways to get what you need, both in your environment and from your partner.

Here are some ideas:

1) Check in about how invested you feel in his joining you in your diet. If he is like many people I know, the more attached you are, the more resistant he’ll be. The best thing you can do – for both of you – is to completely let go of the fantasy of sharing this part of your journey with him. I know that idea might feel sad. But the choice to be vegan, or even to prioritize one’s health, is not for everyone.

2) Remember that people can be particularly triggered by any conversation that suggests they change their food. It seems to send them to feelings of survival and shame. Tricky territory for dialogue. Be gentle and compassionate in your understanding of his reactions. They very well may be based in fear.

3) Remember that if your partner truly loves you, they’ll support you in what’s best for you. Even if they don’t agree that this is what’s best for you, if you are clear, they should come around to supporting you. They might need more assurance first, though, that you won’t pressure them to change. Remind them that they are “your person” and that you are asking for them to express their love for you by supporting you in being more healthy.

4) Keep these conversations focused on your needs. Approach this (in your mind and general persona) as a household challenge. Both of you are going to work to find the best solutions. For instance, I’ve known people who keep their food physically separate from their partner’s in order to stick to their food program. There are even little food safes for just such purposes. Whatever you need to do to love yourself to your highest health is worth doing in the long run.

5) Make sure you get support elsewhere! This is great advice for any of us who are eating foods that are healthier than the Standard American Diet (SAD), even if we do have support at home. Our world, and stores, are full of foods that are engineered. They’re designed, by scientists, to be hyper-palatable. This includes modern-day meats. This is why they’re so difficult to stop eating. It can be helpful to understand this, because the difficulty is not your fault! Ongoing good choices with food, in the midst of the junk-food-jungle that is our modern meat-manic environment, is extremely tough. Studies have shown that one of the biggest factors in success is support. So find your food-family! Whether by Meet-up, social media, or a paid membership, whatever steps you take will be well worth it!

6) Ask Spirit for support in this entire journey. (This really should always be first, of course.) Ask for prayer from others you trust. Ask for help from non-physical helpers. Ask for help from Spirit. And you’ll get it!

7) If you haven’t already, take up meditation. Studies show that this is another highly beneficial activity for keeping you in alignment with choices that are best for you.

8) Remember to stay gentle with yourself. This is a big endeavor. Big change is stressful, even when it feels right and exciting. Walk through life with imaginary bunny slippers on. Do all you can to be sweet and kind to yourself throughout this journey.

Congratulations, again, on your choice to up-level your well-being! I hope you find it deeply beneficial, as I have.

Blessings and Love to you in all you do!

In Joy, Melissa

What is your experience with eating differently from a partner? Share your comments below!

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