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Dear Meli,

I feel funny writing you. My life is going great. I have my dream job. I’m in a great relationship. I have a small group of close friends. There’s nothing wrong. Except I feel off. I can enjoy my life at times, but other times it feels like nothing truly fulfills me. I have a spiritual practice, and that helps me feel grounded. But I don’t know. I don’t think I’m depressed, but I’m also not not depressed, if that makes sense. My mother died recently, and I’m wondering if maybe that’s part of it. We had a difficult relationship, but we had good closure at the end. But maybe that’s making everything seem weird? What do you think?

Feeling Funny


Dear Funny Not So Funny,

Thank you so much for writing. I am very happy for you that you had good closure with your mom at the end. What a blessing!

I’ll start by telling you the summary of life I came to during my years of ministerial training…”Life is freakin’ weird!” Your description made me recall that saying.

Maybe in part because your life sounds pretty amazing. And you sound pretty amazing. And then, there’s the emotional experience that isn’t always so amazing. Weird, right?

Also, this may have come to mind because I graduated from ministerial school not long before my mom passed away of cancer. So, during my years in school for my Masters in Consciousness Studies, my mom was getting more and more sick. And we were also having some beautiful closure.

When anyone says to me, I’m feeling odd (in any way) and then I find out that someone in their life died not long ago? Aha!

Because grief? Grief is one strange mother! I’m just saying.

It messes with our experience of being alive. It messes with our experience of what’s “real” to us. I messes with life’s meaning, or meaninglessness. And it’s all very random!

I’m speaking of my experience of grief, of course. So I can’t promise you that all of the experience you’re having is because of grief. But if you’re looking for somewhere to find the feelings, I’d look under the proverbial hood of that car!

One of the most annoying things about grief – well, where do I even start…but one of them anyway – is that there is no way to know how long the grieving process will last! You might feel this way, off and on, for months, or even years. Everyone is different. And every loss is different.

I do not mean to be flippant about your feelings! They are real. And I can imagine that they’re disconcerting. And it’s always worth a look at whatever we might be missing when such emotions reveal themselves.

Losing a parent, or anyone close to us, is usually gonna wreak some strange havoc. And it will sometimes seem to have passed and then return, uninvited, at the strangest times.

The best advice I can give you is to continue to live your best life. And to allow your experience to be. I mean, lean into it. Whatever it may be at any given moment. Maybe even hyper-focus on the physical sensations you have when you feel this way. Anything to allow it, and not succumb to adding stress about the emotions. Let them be. Thereby letting yourself be.

In my experience, this is the best way to move through the experience. Judging nothing. Resisting nothing. Allow. Allow. Allow.

Weird. Right? I think so.

Life is freakin’ strange! But the more present we can stay for it, the more goodness we can find in it.

I wish you the very deepest joy and peace in this weird life. May this experience reveal beautiful blessings to you.

In Joy & Peace,

Melissa

 

 

 

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