Dear Meli,

I recently got together with an amazing person. We met in our spiritual community and we have so much in common. There’s only one area of difference: Pets. But it’s a pretty big difference! We’re talking about moving in together and they have a cat. I reeeeeeally don’t like cats. I’ve met their cat and it went okay, but I can’t imagine living with a cat. In spite of that, I really like the idea of living with my partner. Do you have any advice for me?

Not Keen on Kitties

Dear Not Keen,

First of all, congratulations on finding your new person. Yay for that!

There’s an old saying, “Love your person, love their dog.” My mother once said this to me after meeting my then-sweetheart’s dog. She was actually being snarky, saying that to me after I exclaimed that I thought my boyfriend’s dog was cute and sweet. It was her way of saying that I only felt that way because I was in love. (To be fair, the dog was sweet. But also not-at-all cute. I’m not gonna say the dog was ‘ugly,’ but….)

Certainly, if you are a good match with your sweetheart, they will understand that you don’t like cats, and not take it personally about their beloved pet. I mean, you’d need to be gentle and kind while being forthcoming about your opinion. But, if you do so kindly and thoughtfully, I’m sure they will understand.

However, if you love this person? You will need to learn to coexist kindly with their little furry friend.

Perhaps you will want to set some ground rules. Like you don’t take care of the cat’s litter box (if they have one) or details like that. But that said, if you’re living with your sweetheart, and they fall ill, you are going to need to be willing to take up slack. That may well mean taking some care of their little one, even if only for brief periods.

It’s unlikely that they don’t care much about living with their cat. But it’s possible. I mean, I certainly wouldn’t expect that if you want to live with them, they’ll just get rid of their cat! But I suppose anything’s possible.

Speaking of anything being possible, is it possible that you will actually come to love their kitty? I’m thinking that it is! It’s at least as possible as your sweetheart’s being willing to live without the cat….

Regardless, it seems to me that this is only a deal breaker if you are downright unwilling to live with a cat, and they are completely unwilling to not live with one. The topic is certainly worth breaching and exploring with them as soon as possible!

May your honesty, and theirs, lead to ever-deepening intimacy, love, kindness, and connection. Many blessings to you – all three of you!

In Joy,

Melissa

What is your experience with partners and their pets? Share your comments below!

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