FB

Dear Meli,

My best friend is a writer. She has had a really successful career. She doesn’t do anything to provoke this, but I often find myself comparing myself to her. I haven’t focused on my career at all in this lifetime. I have a steady job, but it’s mostly to pay the bills. I’m not ambitious. I love my life, but sometimes I feel like I haven’t done enough. Any thoughts about this?

Anything But Ambitious


Dear Anything But Ambitious,

Thank you for writing. Unfortunately, I am very familiar with the pitfall (or, dare I call it a “learning opportunity?”) of comparison and inner competition. Excruciating. And always tempting.

The problem with comparing ourselves with others is that we do so in a non-totalitarian manner. What I mean is, when we compare, we tend to imagine someone else is better, or not as good as us, in one area. Rarely do we look at the entire lifetime and compare their lives with ours.

I believe we have freedom of choice and will.  But I also believe that we have primary areas of learning in our lifetime. For some of us, that might be learning by loving and serving others. For others, it may be the growth that comes from focusing on a career.

But there is no such thing as one life that is more or less valuable, or important, than another. Our media can tempt us into thinking we’re “less than” if we don’t have certain things, or look a certain way. But that’s all made up. It is not “true!”

If we compare ourselves to others, we’ll always be losing or winning. Beating someone else at this game, however, is not a winning proposition. Because pretending we’re better than someone else not only feels bad (because believing a lie always feels bad!), it also sets us up for continuing to live in the illusion that we can know how well we’re doing by looking outside ourselves. We will always lose at this game!

To complicate matters, your best and most right choices (for your greatest alignment with your own soul) will change during the course of your life. What was the perfect choice for you in your 20’s is usually not going to  be the best choice for you when you’re in your 50’s.

Every single life is evolving all the time. It’s simply way too complicated to think we can take any kind of measure of ourselves by looking outside. Unless! Unless you’re looking “outside” to a younger version of yourself. Or you’re looking ahead to who you intend to become in the future. Those are not bad places to focus on to see how you’re doing at any given moment.

We’re all growing in our own perfect ways. Some of us do so in ways that are more outwardly evident. Others are learning to surrender, or other similar paths that don’t have big external cues.

Here’s a practice to try when you catch yourself playing the comparison game: Notice when you’re feeling like someone is better than you.  Then ask yourself, “What is it they’re exhibiting that I want to exhibit?” And then “How might I best apply that to my own life?”

Sometimes there is something there for us. Sometimes not. It depends on which part of your inner psyche is doing the comparison.

In general, paying careful attention to the inner workings of your mind, including when and with whom you’re comparing yourself, can be helpful. Awareness is key. By observing your thinking, you can see what it is you’re saying to yourself about yourself as you compare. Then, you can learn to gently release the grip of comparison thinking. You can remind yourself that we are all walking our own paths, with our own stories and learning. Comparing lifetimes is far too complicated for you and I to successfully manage!

Your Presence here, on earth, in your life, with your loved ones, is enough. You are enough. Because you are here, doing your best. Persevering. Learning and growing. Loving. And you are Divine Love Itself. As is your friend! Allow that reality to cleanse the mind of the temptation to compare.

Freedom and joy and peace await you there.

Blessings and Love to you in all you do!

In Joy,

Melissa

 

What is your experience with ambition and comparison? Share your comments below!

Want Sneak Peeks, Insider Info, and other Fun Stuff?! Become a member of OhMyGod Life!

 

 

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This