photo: Alan Levine on flickr
What happens after we die?
Do we disappear into a void, never to be seen or heard from again? Or do we float down a tunnel of white light, reuniting with our spiritual heroes and loved ones?
I have a few hunches about what happens after death. I think life goes on, though different than on earth. I think we reunite with the bigger part of ourselves, the part that’s one with Everything.
But what do I know?
I can’t say for sure until I die. And that hasn’t happened yet.
At least, not this lifetime.
But something happened, something that gave me an up-close-and-personal encounter with this thing we call death. And it changed me.
photo: fady habib on flickr
Here’s what happened:
A few years ago, Melissa and I attended the Wednesday Night service at the Center for Spiritual Living Santa Rosa. We had driven up from the Asilomar conference in Pacific Grove that morning and we were exhausted. But our friend Christopher Fritzsche wrote a Kirtan Mass and we wanted to hear it.
So we went to the Center.
We sat up close, in the third row on the right-hand side. We could see all of the people on stage – the singers and musicians and prayer practitioners and the minister, Edward Viljoen.
photo: Will Bakx
The music started and it was gorgeous. The entire piece was one long 5-step prayer. I’ve outlined this form of prayer in a previous post, but I’ll sum it up again here:
Step One is Recognition: Spirit is all there is.
Step Two is Unification: Since Spirit is all there is, I am that too.
Step Three is Realization: Since I am one with Spirit, I am one with my Good.
Step Four is Thanksgiving: I celebrate my Good.
Step Five is Release: I release this prayer to the Divine, knowing it is done.
So there we were, sitting up close to the stage, listening to the beautiful music – singing along and enjoying the power of the moment. We were halfway through Step Two – the “I am one with the Divine” step – when we suddenly noticed someone on the floor directly in front of us.
A woman who had been sitting in the front row was lying on the floor, unconscious.
Everyone around us mobilized into action. Our friend Debra Ellis, who is a nurse, was sitting next to us. She jumped up to assist the woman. Melissa ran to the back of the room to make sure someone had called 911. Several other health care professionals came forward to lend a hand.
Meanwhile, the music was still going: I am one with All That Is. The words and the notes surrounded the event and filled it with a gentle, yet all-encompassing authority. Something big was happening.
Something huge.
Melissa and I are both ministers, so we did what ministers do. We prayed.
photo: Minoru Nitta on flickr
And this is going to sound funny, but the minute I started praying, I realized I didn’t need to pray. There was already so much energy, so much light, so much love surrounding this woman, whoever she was.
It was like this:
Even though there were about twenty singers on stage, it felt like there were about two thousand voices surrounding the scene. The voices sounded like angels. Were they angels? Was that what I was sensing?
I had never felt so much peace surrounding such a seemingly scary and traumatic scene. So even though I didn’t need to pray, I kept praying, just to continue to participate in that peace, and that power.
Debra and the other health-care professionals were still trying to revive the woman. It appeared they weren’t succeeding. Was she dying?
It looked like she might be.
After just a few minutes, the paramedics came and carried the woman to the ambulance. It was at this point that I caught a glimpse of her face. I recognized her from one of my classes at the Center. Her name was Donna. I didn’t know her well, but I knew who she was.
photo: Georgett Eggel
After she was taken from the room, Rev. Edward offered up a gentle, beautiful prayer. The room was still filled with an enormous energy – peaceful and powerful, all at once. The music continued, and I sat there, in awe.
I wasn’t sure what had just happened, but whatever it was, I’d never experienced anything like it.
Was it death? Had someone just died in my presence? Was that what death feels like? If so, I thought, I’m no longer afraid of it.
Actually, my fear of death has lessened considerably since becoming a fan of a group of channeled teachers known as Abraham. They are – as they love to say – “as dead as it gets.”
But this was even more powerful. This was a felt-experience of the aliveness of what we refer to as death.
We found out later that night that the woman, Donna Piepgras, had been revived at the hospital. We then found out the next morning that in spite of this revival, she had died at 1 in the morning.
We also found out that the Wednesday Night Kirtan was Donna’s favorite service. And that, just before the service, she said she felt fabulous. She said she felt like she had come home.
photo: Nathan Jones on flickr
I know if it had been Melissa who passed away that night, I would’ve probably had a different experience. I would probably have been in shock, in mourning.
But because I didn’t know Donna that well, I didn’t feel any of that. I was just feeling amazed by what happened.
And grateful to her.
By leaving when she did, she was a powerful teacher to me and many others. Even though I barely knew her, I felt her spirit that night. I felt it as clearly and powerfully as I’ve ever felt anything.
You know how they say: Rest in Peace? This doesn’t make sense to me anymore. It doesn’t capture the vibrancy and aliveness of what I felt. Live in Peace would be more like it.
Even though I still don’t know what happens when we die, I do know that life goes on. I felt it.
And I will forever be grateful to Donna Piepgras for teaching me this lesson.
What’s your experience with this thing we call “death”? Who have been your teachers?
A Powerful message here Z, Thank you
Hi Connie,
It was an amazing experience. Thanks for reading!
XOZ
Hi Z,
Thank you for this post. I was there too and had the same feelings that you so elegantly wrote about here. I was in the middle of row 5. Although I didn’t know her well, Donna and I took a class together, I know her as a sweet, giving, happy and loving woman. The evening was a different experience for me and I will never look at dying in the same light as I have in the past. Her transition was peaceful, surrounded by a loving community called to support her in her journey with action or by holding her in prayer. I felt the presence of Angels in the room.
Hi Sherry,
It sounds like your experience was very similar to mine. I, too, will never look at death the same way. More and more, it’s becoming clear to me that Donna not only knew what she was doing in passing when she did, but that she knew she would be healing a lot of people along the way. Pretty amazing.
XOZ
Thanks for this beautiful description of your experience, Z.
The following Sunday i was preparing to tell our spiritual community about what had transpired Wednesday evening, and one of our members approached me to let me know that he and Donna had been communicating after her transition. Donna relayed a message to him that she wants us all to know: she is very, very happy, and feels like at last she has come home.
Hi Joyce,
I had meant to tell you how much I appreciated your sharing that message during the Sunday service after Donna’s passing. Not only the content of the message itself, but the underlying communication that life really does go on, and that there are those who can communicate with those on the “other side.” It was a beautiful footnote to Donna’s passing.
XOZ
I had a similar experience when my father was in the hospital after a fall that broke his hip. After surgery he never gained consciousness. Most of his adult kids were there including myself. He orally reviewed his life right back to being a little boy. This took about 2 days. The evening that he called out for his mommy was a cue that he was close to stepping over to the other side. I very mysteriously started feeling euphoric when over the hospital loud speaker announced “CODE BLUE”. I felt a wisp of air & I knew my father had left us. Shortly thereafter the doctor told us our father had passed. He came to me in my dreams about a week later. He was dusted with an irredescent white substance and he looked much younger. He just nodded to me with a smile on his face & i got the message that he was saying OK & I will see you later. It really softened my perception of death & I feel so blessed to have had that experience. Thanks for sharing your experience. Blessed Be, hugs, Norma
Hi Norma,
What a beautiful story. I love the image of your dad after his passing. That sounds like such a comfort and such a blessing. And a gift. Thank you for sharing this experience!
XOZ
Thanks Z for sharing this miraculous and amazing transition of this beautiful being of light as she moved peacefully from one form to another, home to home and beyond. Spirit into matter and matter into spirit, at (w)one(der) ment where ever we are.
Thanks for sharing your beautiful gift of in(ner)sight and art i c u lation!!
D
Hi Diana,
Yes, it really was a passage from one realm to another. I felt that in a way I’ve never experienced before. And it was definitely a peaceful movement, as you said. Peaceful with lots and lots of power. Really amazing.
Thanks for you comments!
XOZ
The gifts given by this one gentle soul have been and are powerful and transforming in ways too numerious to mention. Though I didn’t know Donna, our lives did touch. Your words honor her and all of us, Thank you
Hi Steve,
The interactions that I had with Donna showed me the same thing: She was a powerfully gentle and luminous soul. We’re lucky that she taught us all so much.
XOZ
Thank you Z for putting such a lovely container around this experience of losing my dear sweet friend. I feel held in the arms of Spirit. That’s a place in which Donna dwelled. I’m remembering the words to one of the songs at the Center–“Nothing is ever lost, and we are not forgotten. We are living in the heart of God.”
Hi Jo,
Thank you for your comment. I was a little nervous about posting this, given that I didn’t know Donna that well. So I am grateful for your words. And the wonderful Jan and JD Martin song, Living in the Heart of God, is one of my favorites. Thank you.
XOZ
And who are my teachers….
Maybe yube one.
With deep gratitude…whole heartedly.
Thank you, Dianne. 🙂
gosh, this was beautiful. I’ve only really experienced the death of someone i cared for, once — the death of my biological father, Danny, in 2004. I thought I was prepared (he certainly was), but his death left me so confused, so angry and so effed up for years — that I am only now coming out of the fog.
It’s good to know that there is a different, happier and more “at peace” way of getting through it with your head screwed on straight. Thanks for sharing your, and her, experience.
Hi Tanya,
Awesome to hear from you. I’m sorry that your experience with your dad’s death was so hard. In many ways, I think that the fact that I didn’t know Donna made it easier for me to sense all the other stuff that was going on. I didn’t have my own grief to deal with. Like I said, if it had been Melissa or someone else close to me, I’d be in a totally different place now. I was hesitant to share this story, given that there are others who are really grieving Donna now, but I also know that death is something we often don’t talk about. So, it felt important.
I’m grateful for your addition to the conversation.
XOZ
Hi Z,
What a beautiful post. I was so happy to see you and Melissa in the audience as we began the service that night – it meant a lot to me that you’d driven all the way back to experience the Kirtan Mass. Now I realize that you came for so much more – as we all did. Thank you to Donna and thank you for expressing so beautifully the experience with which she graced all of us who were there. I’ve performed for so many folk’s memorials/funerals in my life – many I’ve known – many more I’ve not – but to be given the gift of singing someone who I’ve known and loved on their way – the gift we were all given that night… well words fail me. Thank you for yours.
Hi Chris,
Great to “see” you here. And yes, we really wanted to come to hear your Mass. We just knew that we were supposed to be there for it. Little did we know what was waiting. I’m grateful for your beautiful music, as it truly held the entire experience in a way that was, as you said, beyond words.
Thank you.
XOZ
Z,
thank you for your loving words to describe this powerful experience. If I could choose the way of my transition, this event of love, prayer, and the presence of spirit, would be way high on my list.
Blessings to Donna’s soul, to her friends, and her loved ones.
Hi Bettina,
It was a powerful way to go. Knowing that the Wednesday Night Kirtan was Donna’s favorite service only made it all the more powerful. And she “left” during the second step: I am one with God. It’s one thing to ponder all this intellectually, and another thing altogether to experience it.
Thanks for your words,
XOZ
Dearest Z,
What a beautiful post, thank you. I am grateful that i was blessed to be witness to this incredible experience from the stage. I immediately went into prayer – i went into my heart space while i was singing – that was my prayer for her and all in that moment. I was flooded with feelings, including surprise, but i stayed present in the moment – something i’ve gotten better at over the years.
It was a great gift for me. I didn’t know her well at all, only as a loving sevite, but one of the things i received from the experience was seeing the beauty of community. when i die, i want to be surrounded by people who love me and are praying for my highest good.
transition – physical death – brings me face-to-face with my own mortality. growing up, i was always fascinated by it. and i’ve experienced a great deal of death in my life. being present immediately before and immediately after transition has been a huge experience for me. especially when it involves a loved one. i’ve healed a lot around my perception of death and i continue to grow. i still grieve, but the way i grieve has changed significantly.
we truly are living in the heart of god…
thank you, z, you are wonderful. <3
Hi Squirrel,
Death is a huge topic for many of us. I think we all never stop learning about it and processing our understanding.
As for Donna, she truly picked an amazing way to die. I’ve heard a lot of people say that they would want to go in the exact same way. I’m grateful to her for all that she gave during this life, and all that she continues to give after her passing. This continual giving seems to be yet another example of the eternality of her life.
Thank you, too. You’re pretty wonderful yourself. 🙂
XOZ
Dearest Z,
Thank you SO MUCH for so perfectly expressing my experience that night. It feels comforting to know others felt it too.
Big blessings,
JoAnn
Hi JoAnn,
Thanks for letting me know that you felt the same thing. My guess was that a lot of us had similar experiences. I’m glad to know you were one of them.
XOZ
Having heard of Donna’s interest in KRCB and the Saturday afternoon Folk music show, I went there to ask about her influence. Donna and her partner of many years, Luci, often volunteered there and were supporters of the station since its beginnings in 1995. They knew of Luci’s passing but did not know about Donna. I was very thankful to have your beautifu discription to share with them They just touched so many lives……
Thanks for this, Steve. I didn’t know about Donna and Luci’s involvement with KRCB. I’m glad you let them know about her passing. I expect I’ll learn a lot more about Donna at her memorial service on 8/25 at the Center for Spiritual Living Santa Rosa.
Thanks so much dear Z, your words have allowed the tears to flow that could not be expressed on stage that night! Love, Ron
Hi Ron,
I can only imagine what it was like for those of you on stage. From where I sat, I saw a wide variety of reactions. I’m grateful to be able to share mine as well. Thank you.
XOZ
I was there and witnessed this all from the back, and my instinct, too, was to go to prayer, knowing that God was right in the middle of whatever was going on. Somehow I sensed that someone was transitioning, and the synchronicity struck me as profound– we had just finished step two (I am one with God) and what we sang next was “all is well.” Phew! There truly are no accidents. What a perfect moment Donna chose to move on. I bless her soul on it’s eternal journey onward.
Hi David,
Yes, it seems that many of us there got the amazing perfection of the timing of Donna’s passing. When I heard that it was her favorite service, it only made more sense. There truly was not a better time for her to go. And what she added to the service was beyond words. I’m grateful we were there to share it with her.
XOZ
Amazed and grateful for the experiences and thoughts shared here…….I can only say thank you…….
Hi Dinna,
Thanks for your comments. And you’re welcome.
XOZ
As others who were also on stage that night have said, I too thank you, Z, for so beautifully expressing my feelings. I am blessed beyond words to have been one of the many voices singing Donna on her way.
Much Love, Z.
Jeff
Hi Jeff,
Thank you for being one of those voices. The way the music and words surrounded Donna (and all of us) was breath-taking. I’ve never experienced anything like it, and I’m grateful that I was there.
XOZ
Beautiful post, Z. Drew out a great big sigh from me, it felt needed! I did not know Donna, but oh, how her spirit can continue touching people. I do not have many good experiences with death, though I have had many experiences. The hows, whens, whys, and up close and personal, are part of what I do. The feeling of sadness when I’ve found someone who has died all alone. But maybe not all alone… I grew up with the aversion to anything ‘death’, lots to work through now. Posts like this are so touching and real, healing to many I’m sure. Thank you
Hi Katie,
Thank you for your comments. Death is a difficult topic for many of us. And it’s one we don’t often talk about. It sounds like you have a lot to add to the conversation. I appreciate your words.
XOZ
Oh, Z, how beautiful! I remember Donna. Bless her sweet soul! She not only gave all of you a gift, you gave her one as well. What a beautiful way to begin the process of leaving the body, in a room full of prayer and song! It must have been glorious from her side of things.
Hi Mary,
I can only imagine what it was like from Donna’s side of things. From the small glimpse I had, it truly was glorious. I feel blessed to have been there. I will never look at death the same way again.
XOZ
I’m Donna’s neice, Suzy. I live in Minnesota, and so wasn’t there when this happened. But I’m so grateful I was able to spend alot of time with Donna this summer- she had been out for a visit in June and stayed with me for several days, and then I had been out to California to attend Lucie’s Memorial Service. I got back to Minnesota the day before Donna passed. My experience of getting the phone call from one of Donna’s friends that night, telling me my aunt was in the hospital and that it was very serious was so hard… so we prayed for the best possible outcome. Then the call came that Donna had passed, and I just couldn’t believe it was true…I had just seen her the day before. It was hard not to be there, and to be so far away. So I thank you for sharing your perspectives-so I can learn more about Donna’s experience and what it was like for those around her. I have been to the Center with her, and know that in this special service, surrounded by friends, prayer and her spiritual community- it is where she would want to pass. I’m also grateful to hear where you were in the service when it happened-the second step, I am one with God. Knowing more about that night is helpful, as I miss her very much.
Thanks for sharing.
Hi Suzy,
Thank you for your comments. It is clear that your aunt Donna touched many, many people during her lifetime. And in her passing, she touched many more.
It was also clear to many of us there that there was no accident in the timing: The words of the second step surrounded Donna and all of us with grace and love. It was amazing.
I know that this is a time of mourning for Donna’s friends and family, and we send you love from California.
XOZ
We grew up with Donna in Minnesota. Many, many are mourning her passing. She and her family were important members of our small, rural, tight knit, Garrison Keillor-like community. No matter how many years pass or how many miles separate us, that community remains strong in spirit. Thank you for this beautiful account and comforting words. I have passed your story on to her friends and former classmates who will miss her terribly. Bless you for sharing.
Hello Peggy,
Thank you so much for your comments. Donna clearly touched so many people in her life. I am not at all surprised to find that she came from a close, tight-knit community who love her very much. It seems that, throughout her life, Donna continued to be surrounded by people she loved and who loved her. What a beautiful life.
XOZ
Z ~ I’m so very grateful for your beautiful words. Thank you for sharing this sweet, sacred experience with us. It sounds like it was truly magical ~ what a gift! XO
Hi Marcy,
It was a pretty amazing night. I did my best to put words to it, but the experience really was beyond anything I could express in language. Magical is right.
XOZ
The only other time I was in the presence of a life that was recently finished with a physical body was that of my prev. Husband’s grandfather. I had never known my grandfather’s who passed before my birth, Grandpa Everd was the only one I ever had. Always so strong and able, we were all shocked that what took him down was a slow progression of events following a second knee replacement due to him wearing it out over time) which caused an infection, weakening of his system, it was a tear in his esphaugus that brought pnuemonia, etc. Grandpa ended up in the ICU at nearly 80 and we still thought he would make it. Since Alex was a baby at the time, I was in a separate room caring for him when Grandpa left, but then went in when everyone else had gone…the respirator was still going. I knew his energy was still in the room and I talked to him. It was such a powerful reminder that we are not our bodies and although it was before I had found my spiritual path, I knew all was well. Thank you for being wiith all of us that night on high watch for Donna, even though I didn’t know her, she profoundly changed me. She made me value my Mom in a whole new way, love our spiritual community even more and open my heart wide to allow all the feelings available in that moment. Thankfully, I was surrounded by Squirrel, Morningsong & Rupali too. Oh Love, it is a many splendored thing! Thanks Z, love G
Hi Georgia,
Thanks for sharing your story about Grandpa Everd. It’s another beautiful example of that felt experience of life, even in death.
I, too, am especially appreciative of our spiritual community now. And appreciative of Donna, who was such a powerful example for us all.
XOZ
Thank you Z.
Hi Wy,
You’re welcome.
Love love,
XOZ
I knew Donna from several communities. Hearing of her passing brought tears to my eyes, aş I recalled the sparkle în her eyes nearly every time I saw her. No more tears now aş I will always remember her this way.
I am grateful she was able to be blessed on her way just aş she blessed us with soft, gentle joy and aliveness.
Warmth and deep connection to all who love her.
Whitefire
Hi Whitefire,
It seems we’re all very lucky to have been blessed by Donna’s presence – both those who knew her well and those of us, like me, who knew her only briefly. She was – and is – clearly a treasure to us all.
XOZ
Thank you for helping me to rest my spirit and deepen my soul….:))
Hi Michael,
Thank you. I’m glad that this post was helpful for you. 🙂
XOZ
Thank you, Z, for a beautiful expression of that special evening. I first met Donna about 12 years ago when we were in a small ensemble singing Jo Lauer’s works. I was honored to be on stage that evening, singing Donna on to start the sequel of her life. It was song that brought us together, and it was through song that I bid my Fare Well.
Hi Connie,
I’m loving the comments on this post. It’s wonderful to see all the people Donna touched during her life. What a beautiful connection you had with her, and how amazing to see how the threads came together in the end. Wow.
XOZ
WOW, Z!! You continue to amaze me!! Very beautiful. We saw the choir do the Kirtan mass the next day @ Asilomar and it was powerful!
Hi Fran,
Chris Fritzsche wrote an amazingly beautiful piece of music. That’s awesome that you got to hear/see it at Asilomar. They were there the next day after we saw it in Santa Rosa. I’m glad you got to hear it.
XOZ
Hi Z,
What an incredible and moving group of stories, honoring the Divine and the Divine as Donna, her passing from one stage in her life to another, and the shared experiences of all present. Even extending to touch others, like myself, who was neither present nor did I know Donna, yet I am deeply touched. I can think of no more perfect way of transitioning from this physical stage in life than to be surrounded not just by loved ones but by love itself as expressed by being held in prayer. I am grateful for your sharing here and all the comments as well. They add new dimensions to my thinking about life death and life.
Thank you.
Namaste
Hi Kary,
Thanks for your comments and observations. It truly was an amazing moment, one that will stay with me always. I’m grateful to know that it touched you too. Donna taught me so much about life and death, and the illusion of difference between the two. I’m grateful that I was able to share this story here, and that others have connected to it as well.
Stop by again any time! 🙂
XOZ