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A few months ago, I shared with you the latest enlightened teaching of our Guru, Max.

Guess what?

Since then, everything has been turned completely upside down!

Was this the Guru’s way of keeping us on our toes? Seeing if we were paying attention? F**king with us?

You be the judge.

If you read the last Guru post, you know we’ve been training the Guru to go in our new travel van. (If you didn’t read the post, you now know this as well, because I just told you.)

According to all of our carefully crafted plans, the next step in the Guru’s training was to acclimate him to the van. We would do this by putting on his harness and luring him into the van with treats. Once in the van, we would feed him a meal and hang out with him. After several successful sessions of van hanging, we would sleep there with the Guru overnight. Once we all got the hang of lounging and sleeping in the van, we would drive the van a teeny distance. Eventually, the distances would lengthen until, voila! The Guru and the van would be happily wedded.

Just as with training the Guru to love his harness, we would train the Guru to love the van in small, incremental steps. Slow and steady wins the race!

Doesn’t that all sound so smart? So nifty?

Yeah, it’s good to have plans.

It’s just not good to cling to them when they don’t work out.

Speaking of clinging, that’s what the Guru did when we attempted to lure him into the van with treats.

The Guru took one look at us and proclaimed, “What is wrong with you people? Why on earth would you think I would have any interest in falling for your pathetically transparent scheme. I am not following you outside. I am not eating your treats. And I am most certainly not going in that monstrous van.”

Not to be deterred, we tried the luring the Guru outside with treats a bunch more times. It was a complete fail every time.

So we decided to transport the Guru into the van ourselves. I wish I could say that this was by a group levitation from the house to the van, led by the Guru. But no. It involved picking up the extremely resistant Guru and placing him gently into the van. At which point the Guru proceeded to yowl, moan, and violently attack every surface available in an attempt to show us how not spiritual it was that he was in the van.

We gave him a big, hearty meal to show him that it was actually very spiritual that he was in the van. He didn’t buy it. He gulped down his meal and resumed his campaign to be Released At Once. We complied.

Still determined to get the Guru to love the van as much as we did, we attempted several more rounds of feeding the Guru in the van. Progress of a sort was made, in that the Guru learned to eat his meal as quickly as possible in order to be Released At Once.

But then it happened. The Guru started hiding before mealtime. He realized that consuming his meal meant consuming it in the Evil-And-Not-At-All-Spiritual-Van. As a result, a Guru who loves his meals almost as much as he loves being a Guru, started hiding before mealtime.

In all of our slow and steady training with the Guru and the harness, he never once hid. He never once refused to be trained. This time, we had gone too far.

We had crossed a line, and the Guru had no intention of following us over that line.

Melissa and I talked it out. In the process, even though I didn’t plan on it, I ended up listing all the reasons why it wasn’t a good idea for the Guru to be in the van. Then I did some online research and found ever more reasons why this specific Guru and this specific van were not a match.

There are cats who can handle small vans, and there are cats who cannot. The Guru is firmly entrenched in the latter category.

The Guru is a sensitive soul who loves routine. Barreling around in a small van is not a match for a routine-loving sensitive soul. We didn’t fully realize this until we tried it. But now we do.

And, once again, the Guru used the whole process in service of enlightenment. (Ours, of course. Not his. He knew it was a repulsive and inherently evil bad idea from the beginning.)

What did the Guru teach us this time?

1. It’s great to make plans, but you need to be willing to listen to feedback along the way and adjust accordingly.

2. If it turns out that your goals are not compatible with the components involved in your plan, you may need to abandon it altogether.

3. When your sensitive, routine-loving Guru tells you he hates your extremely abhorrent, ugly silver cage small van, listen to him. He’s speaking the Truth.

When have you had to abandon your plans? Share your comments below!

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