photo: Joseph Vasquez on flickr
Have you ever had something you’re embarrassed about? Something you don’t want anyone to know?
Actually, I don’t need to ask that question.
Everybody has secrets. Everybody has things they’re ashamed about, things they’d rather keep hidden.
And that included my Guru, Lucy the cat.
photo: Z Egloff
I always thought that the Guru was a free and easy sort, totally unfazed by what others thought of her.
Turns out I was wrong. Turns out that the Guru was harboring a little secret of her own.
I found out about it from my wife Melissa.
Melissa tends to get up earlier than me. As a result, she and the Guru had time together in the morning, time in which they were free to develop their own little routine.
And what a routine it was!
According to Melissa, it consists of several steps.
The first is that the Guru waited outside Melissa’s office door. I don’t have a photo of this happening, so I’ll just show you the spot where the Guru would wait:
photo: Z Egloff
The Guru would wait here for a long time – up to a half hour. What was she waiting for?
Enlightenment?
A visit from Jesus?
photo: James Shepard on flickr
Nope.
She was waiting for Melissa to enter the office and invite her inside. If Melissa simply entered the office and did not invite the Guru inside, the Guru would continue to wait.
She needed to know that Melissa was ready and available for what came next.
Oh yeah. This is where it gets interesting.
Check it out:
The Guru would enter the office and sit on the floor. Melissa joined her on the floor and proceeded to pet her.
Whoo Hoo! A special love fest with Melissa Phillippe! It doesn’t get any better than that!
Or does it?
As it turned out, the Guru’s favorite thing was what happened next. Or what sometimes happened next.
Every now and then, Melissa would take off her slipper and let Lucy rub her head against her bare foot.
Maybe you can understand this. Maybe you’re one of those folks who has a little bit of a foot fetish. Maybe that’s one of your secrets.
Well, you’re in good company, because apparently the Guru loved nothing more than to rub her little furry head on Melissa’s bare foot.
photo: Melissa Phillippe
(I had Melissa take this picture. I wanted photographic evidence.)
When Melissa first told me about the Guru’s love for her feet, I was shocked. The Guru had never expressed any interest in my feet. What’s so special about Melissa’s feet?
I don’t know.
The Guru’s gone now, so I guess I’ll never know.
All I know is that, one morning, I came downstairs and finally saw it for myself: the Guru and Melissa on the floor of Melissa’s office.
The Guru took one look at me and ran out of the room.
It’s not what you’re thinking! We were just chatting! It had nothing to do with feet or obsession or anything like that! Just a little friendly conversation!
Right.
I was amazed to see the Guru so embarrassed. Like I said, I thought nothing fazed her. I mean, sometimes she would jump on the counters or the kitchen table, places she wasn’t supposed to go. When I would catch her, she just looked pissed and indignant.
photo: Z Egloff
But this was different.
Turns out that even Gurus get embarrassed.
It made me think of all the things I’ve been embarrassed about, things I’ve wanted to hide. Like being gay. And gender-rich.
And then there was my eating disorder. And my interest in spirituality.
Looking back on it, I can see that some of the things I was hiding were self-destructive. Like the obsession with food. Other things, like my sexuality and gender identity, were life affirming. Though I didn’t see it that way.
As far as I was concerned, everything I was hiding was bad and wrong.
photo: Almendra Cohen on flickr
Healing was about letting light enter the picture. Letting my eyes soften with love, seeing that no matter what I was hiding, there was no reason to be ashamed.
I was okay. I am okay.
Seeing the Guru run out of the Melissa’s office, I was reminded of all those times I’ve been scared to let others see who I really am. It reminded me that I can love that part of myself, just like I loved the little kitty scampering out of my wife’s office.
We all have secrets. We all try to hide.
But the Divine always manages to find us. The Divine always manages to sneak into our hearts, teaching us what love is.
photo: Beverley Goodwin on flickr
Maybe you’ve already experienced this sort of love. Maybe you haven’t. Yet.
Either way, it’s there.
It’s the best thing in the world.
Even better than rubbing your head against someone’s foot.
photo: Melissa Phillippe
How have you ever behaved like the Guru? Share your comments below!
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Wow yet again, Z!
I love Divine timing. It is so perfect!
The message lately has been to love, embrace, forgive those parts of me, those habits, that I judge.
And unlike Lucy, I have many. Many, perhaps initially judged by others, then accepted by me, as something to be judged.
Ye gads.
If foot fetishes were ok (by everyone’s standards); then Lucy would not have had to have gone a runnin’…
Yet why even have these standards, “standards” that punish us for perceived wrongs?
Our hearts know instinctively what is right for us. Yet our conditioning is so powerful it has overridden.our common sense, & we misinterpret what might be an interesting difference, as something bad.
I am so tired of agreeing with old views, in attempts to “fit in” with what is “right”; when ppeople made it all up… & as a good little girl, I agreed with them.
I question those old beliefs! I question my prior decisions & self-judgments.
Time to rebel! And enjoy a foot fetish, or whatever might have caused me embarrassment in the past!
Aloha Lani!
I hear you. Agreeing with old, tired views just makes us miserable. I love when you say that our hearts known instinctively what is right for us. This is SO true. And it can be challenging to remember this when judgment comes to call. But, like you say, we really CAN let go of these limiting beliefs and claim our freedom. What a relief! And how wonderful to be able to truly enjoy what our hearts lead us to – be it feet or kitties to rub against them. 🙂
XOZ
It feels so wonderful to increasingly “be me” and let the chips (potato?) fall where they may. And if I do something quirky or out of the ordinary, it’s a terrific excuse to laugh at myself, whether anyone else is laughing or not. 🙂
But as for MY in-residence guru, Cindy Lou Who, I found that she, like your Guru, has her moments of less than calm confidence. She brings in lizards from the porch to present to me regularly, and I ever respond by gasping, grabbing them with a paper towel, and freeing their dazed selves back into the yard. However, when I picked up a kitchen rug to clean under it recently, what did I find? Cindy Lou Who had created a lizard burial ground and in ashamed embarrassment, no doubt, hidden several lizard corpses there. Her eyes enlarged with fear when I discovered her ugly deed, and she scampered off to the porch to find replacements.
Yes, even the most relaxed, aligned of us gurus have our moments. But that’s OK — we always know how to get happy once again.
Hi Karen,
I like this image of letting the potato chips fall where they may. I have visions of Pringles falling from the sky. . . .
As for Cindy Lou Who, what a discovery! Dead bodies in the house! It sounds like she quickly got over her embarrassment, though. As Gurus are wont to do. Thanks for keeping us updated on CLW’s exploits! 😀
XOZ
Good morning, Z!
This reminded me of Xoe. Xoe has made it clear to me from day one that she HATES Jax. Every time I see them together, they are fighting. But here’s the thing: I periodically catch them sniffing noses. I watch Xoe go up to him and sniff and explore him…until she sees me. Once she sees me, she growls, hisses, spits, swats at him, and then runs away. She’s hiding the fact that she actually kinda likes him; or at the very least, doesn’t hate him as much as she pretends to.
As for me being embarrassed by guilty pleasures…yeah, it still happens. It is less common for me to run these days, and more common for me to point it out and laugh, but I do occasionally still run.
One of my goals in life is transparency. Being transparent has really transformed my life. I am humble, and I am comfortable, and I am real. And it stands as an example for other to be ok with themselves. That has been my experience, anyway.
Hi Squirrel!!
Great story. A friend of mine had a similar situation. Her two cats supposedly hated each other. But every now and then she would catch them playing together. Of course, just like Xoe, if she ever caught them in the act, they immediately pretended like they hated each other again. Oh, those wacky cats!
I like the way you talk about transparency and how it has transformed things for you. What a concept! Telling the truth in all things! I like that it is a model for others as well.
Just like our wacky cats. 🙂
XOZ
Yes, transparency is awesome. I just have to remember that tact also has its place. I’m generally transparent, but my tactfulness leaves much to be desired sometimes. 🙂
Yeah, the ol’ T-and-T combo. Always good! 😉