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Dear Meli,

I have been attending a New Thought center for about three years. Soon after I started attending, I met a friend there I’ll call Tricia. Tricia and I became close friends immediately. She was smart, funny, and sensitive. About a year into our friendship, she developed cancer. A few months after that, she stopped attending our center. She said that she felt like people there were blaming her for being sick. A few weeks ago, Tricia died. I’m so upset about her death, and the way she was treated at my former spiritual home. I can’t seem to get past my anger. What do you think about all this?

Gripped With Grief


Dear Gripped,

Oh my dear! I am so sorry for your loss, and for the experience your friend had.

I deeply wish this was a rare thing. I wish I’d never heard of anyone else having this experience. And yet, I have heard this before more than once.

Unfortunately, sometimes the whole “we co-create our reality with our consciousness” movement uses the teaching to cause harm. Whether the judgment is real or implied, it does damage. It’s the opposite of what anyone needs when in such a situation.

That said, judging them is not going to help them to realize their cruelty and insensitivity. And it is not harming anyone but you to remain resentful.

I would highly recommend that you find your way to forgiveness. I know this can be especially challenging when trying to forgive something that has caused such great pain. And, in this case, pain (of the things said or implied) on top of more pain (grieving your friend and knowing that she felt hurt by the situation). But I still suggest you commit to forgiveness, and take it on.

Your unforgiveness could otherwise keep you from healthy grieving. It could do all kinds of damage to your being. Even if you simply move to a place of more forgiveness, it could still help you feel better.

If you’ve been staying away from your community, I’d also suggest you return. If your friends there really don’t feel like your people anymore, find a new spiritual community as soon as you can. It will be helpful for you, in your healing process, to be supported by others!

Another thing to note is that it is possible that some of your friend’s experiences of feeling judged were not coming from anyone’s actual judgment. We project so much of our experience onto others, it’s impossible to know. And when we’re sick, sometimes we’re not at our clearest. Especially when we know we’re in the process of dying! (Just something to consider.)

Forgiveness is such a tremendous healing power. It frees up lots of our energy, love, and joy. It is worth doing, regardless of the situation!

There are many articles on both my and Z’s blogs about the subject. And heck, there are lots of books on the healing power of forgiveness!

I do wholeheartedly feel for your broken heart, and protectiveness of your friend. At the same time, I would love to know you’re finding your way back to love and joy, in honor of the gift of life you are still being given. Perhaps you might want to consider doing this in honor of your friend who passed?

Wishing you freedom and love, always.

Blessings and Love to you in all you do!

In Joy,

Melissa

What is your experience with judgment in spiritual communities? Share your comments below!

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