photo: Joseph Vasquez on flickr

photo: Joseph Vasquez on flickr

Have you ever had something you’re embarrassed about? Something you don’t want anyone to know?

Actually, I don’t need to ask that question.

Everybody has secrets. Everybody has things they’re ashamed about, things they’d rather keep hidden.

And that includes my Guru, Lucy the cat.

photo: z egloff

photo: Z Egloff

I always thought that the Guru was a free and easy sort, totally unfazed by what others thought of her.

Turns out I was wrong. Turns out that the Guru has been harboring a little secret of her own.

I first found out about it from my wife Melissa.

Melissa tends to get up earlier than me. As a result, she and the Guru have time together in the morning, time in which they’ve been free to develop their own little routine.

And what a routine it is!

According to Melissa, it consists of several steps.

The first is that the Guru waits outside Melissa’s office door. I don’t have a photo of this happening, so I’ll just show you the spot where the Guru waits:

photo: z egloff

photo: Z Egloff

The Guru will wait here for a long time – up to a half hour. What is she waiting for?


A visit from Jesus?

photo: James Shepard on flickr

photo: James Shepard on flickr


She’s waiting for Melissa to enter the office and invite her inside. If Melissa simply enters the office and does not invite the Guru inside, the Guru will continue to wait.

She needs to know that Melissa is ready and available for what comes next.

Oh yeah. This is where it gets interesting.

Check it out:

The Guru enters the office and sits on the floor. Melissa joins her on the floor and starts to pet her.

Whoo Hoo! A special love fest with Melissa Phillippe! It doesn’t get any better than that!

Or does it?

As it turns out, the Guru’s favorite thing is what happens next. Or what sometimes happens next.

Every now and then, Melissa takes off her slipper and lets Lucy rub her head against her bare foot.

Maybe you can understand this. Maybe you’re one of those folks who has a little bit of a foot fetish. Maybe that’s one of your secrets.

Well, you’re in good company, because apparently the Guru loves nothing more than to rub her little furry head on Melissa’s bare foot.

photo: Melissa Phillippe

photo: Melissa Phillippe

(I had Melissa take this picture. I wanted photographic evidence.)

When Melissa first told me about the Guru’s love for her feet, I was shocked. The Guru had never expressed any interest in my feet. What’s so special about Melissa’s feet?

I don’t know.

I may never know.

All I know is that, one morning, I came downstairs and finally saw it for myself: the Guru and Melissa on the floor of Melissa’s office.

The Guru took one look at me and ran out of the room.

It’s not what you’re thinking! We were just chatting! It had nothing to do with feet or obsession or anything like that! Just a little friendly conversation!


I was amazed to see the Guru so embarrassed. Like I said, I thought nothing fazed her. I mean, sometimes she jumps on the counters or the kitchen table, places she’s not supposed to go. When I catch her, she just looks pissed and indignant.

photo: Z Egloff

photo: Z Egloff

But this was different.

Turns out that even Gurus get embarrassed.

It made me think of all the things I’ve been embarrassed about, things I’ve wanted to hide. Like being gay. And gender-flexible.

And then there was my eating disorder. And my interest in spirituality.

Looking back on it, I can see that some of the things I was hiding were self-destructive. Like the obsession with food. Other things, like my sexuality and gender identity, were life affirming. Though I didn’t see it that way.

As far as I was concerned, everything I was hiding was bad and wrong.

photo: Almendra Cohen on flickr

photo: Almendra Cohen on flickr

Healing was about letting light enter the picture. Letting my eyes soften with love, seeing that no matter what I was hiding, there was no reason to be ashamed.

I was okay. I am okay.

Seeing the Guru run out of the Melissa’s office, I was reminded of all those times I’ve been scared to let others see who I really am. It reminded me that I can love that part of myself, just like I loved the little kitty scampering out of my wife’s office.

We all have secrets. We all try to hide.

But the Divine always manages to find us. The Divine always manages to sneak into our hearts, teaching us what love is.

photo: Beverley Goodwin on flickr

photo: Beverley Goodwin on flickr

Maybe you’ve already experienced this sort of love. Maybe you haven’t. Yet.

Either way, it’s there.

It’s the best thing in the world. Even better than rubbing your head against someone’s foot.

Just don’t tell the Guru.

photo: Melissa Phillippe

photo: Melissa Phillippe

How have you ever behaved like the Guru? Share your comments below!

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