Low self-esteem is like dental plaque.

We all have it. But no one wants to talk about it.

Including me.

But, for the purposes of this post, and in the hopes that maybe some of you can relate and it might help a little bit, here goes…

For a big chunk of my life, I’ve lived with low self-esteem.

I say “lived with” instead of “suffered from” because it isn’t something that causes me obvious suffering.

It’s more a constant companion, chipping away at my sense of self-worth.

As sad as that sounds, it’s waaaaaay better than it used to be.

Years of spiritual practice, including meditation and affirmations, have greatly boosted my self-love game.

And yet it’s still there, that sense of being “not enough.”

Lately, however, something is shifting in me.

I’m easier to live with. I’m nicer to myself. The negative self-chatter is getting quieter, and when I do hear it, I take it less seriously.

It’s pretty sweet.

When I think about the factors that led to this change, two things come to mind.

1. I Am Worthy

For a long time, my mantra when I meditated was “I am Love.” A year or so ago, I was guided to change it to “I am worthy.”

At first, it felt funny to meditate on this phrase. Of course I’m worthy! I know I’m worthy!

But part of me didn’t. Part of me doesn’t.

Looking back, I think it was my low self-esteem that didn’t like the change in mantra. After all, the mantra was encroaching on its territory.

In addition to meditating on the mantra twice a day, I’ve also been typing it out on my laptop when I’m reading my morning affirmations.

In other words, I’ve set up an environment where I am continually affirming my self-worth.

For a long time, it didn’t feel like it was making a difference.

But lately? After over a year of this practice?

Things are shifting.

And I am worthy of the shift!

2. Active Self-Love

Over the last year, in addition to saturating my consciousness with the “I am worthy” vibe, I’ve been doing something else.

Something very simple and, it turns out, extremely effective.

Every day, I’ve been listing things about myself I appreciate.

I use the word “appreciate” instead of “love” because it’s easier to access.

It’s one thing to say that you should be more loving to yourself. (Which is problematic for tons of reasons, including and especially the big fat “should” in the middle of the phrase.)

It’s another thing entirely to have a long list of reasons why you are someone who deserves love and care.

For me, my nightly list seems to have had a positive cumulative effect. As I go about my day, I feel stronger. And, paradoxically, lighter.

I feel, dare I say it, worthy.

When something difficult is in front of me, I am more willing to tackle it. When something difficult is behind me, I am less likely to beat myself up for my part in it and instead look for what went well and what I could do differently next time.

I recently came across a video that sums up a lot of what I’ve been experiencing in the last year.

A woman asks her 102-year-old grandmother to speak about the most important lessons of her life. Interestingly enough, self-esteem is at the top of the list.

 

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I especially liked this phrase: “It’s the only way you can extend [love]. It has to come from you.”

Extending more love into the world is just about the best use of a human life I can think of.

But it has to start on the inside.

Just ask my new favorite 102-year-old!

What’s your experience with expanding self-love? Share your comments below!

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