Dear Meli,
I have a good friend who’s super happy all the time. He suggested that I try doing a daily gratitude practice so that I’m happier too. But I have a hard time with that. I don’t often feel grateful. I have a lot of hard things going on in my life – with health, job, and relationships. I’m not sure how a gratitude practice would help. What do you think?
Grumpy About Gratitude
Dear Grumpy,
Your friend’s suggestion is a good one. I do understand it can be hard at first. But it will get easier and easier as you practice looking for things to be grateful for. You’ll start to see them all around you.
There are lots of studies about this, and they all point to beneficial effects for our entire lives. In fact, many experts on the subject say that there are few things as integral to our well-being and happiness.
Studies show that grateful people are more emotionally intelligent, energetic, forgiving, and have better mental health, including that they are less likely to be depressed, anxious, or lonely. People who practice gratitude are more optimistic, and see opportunities where others miss them. People who learn to focus on things to be grateful for are happier, more socially connected, and enjoy better quality sleep.
The list of benefits goes on and on.
It’s almost unbelievable, even to me. And I’ve been practicing gratitude for decades.
I do see these benefits in my own life. But I didn’t always know my gratitude practice was a big part in why I was experiencing the good. I mean, I do lots of things to consciously choose to make my life better. But as I read the statistics from studies on gratitude, I’m blown away!
Here’s a statistic for ya’: One study found that participants who wrote down three good things each day for a week were happier and less depressed at the one-month, three-month, and six-month follow-ups. Even after stopping the practice, they were happier and had higher levels of optimism than others.
This isn’t at all to suggest that you should bypass other feelings altogether! All of our emotions are important. But they do tend to continue once we start to feel them. When we feel a certain way, our brain fires in certain specific sequences. Once this is set into motion, those sequences tend to continue.
This is the reason that focusing on what we’ve got to be grateful for is so powerful. We prioritize finding the good for that period of time, and that alone starts to create more good. It’s what are brain starts to look for. We can’t change reality, but we can change the way our brain processes our reality!
Here are some possible ways to start a gratitude practice:
1) Each night, write down three things that you’re grateful for. It can be anything! From the coffee you drank in the morning, or the smile of stranger, to your child asking you for a hug, or your boss saying you did well at something. See if you can keep coming up with new things each night. It might help to think of different prompts, like what you’re glad you can see, hear, taste, touch, etc.
2) Another version of this, with a simple spin is to find a rock you like and carry it around with you. Any time you become aware of the rock, come up with something you’re grateful for in that moment.
3) Each morning when you wake up, start by thanking the Universe for your sleep, as well as for waking up.
4) Find a friend who might be willing to start a practice with you. You can text or email or talk in person. On a regular basis – maybe daily, maybe weekly – share three things you’re grateful for.
5) Think about the people in your life who you love, who love you. Start to let them know what it is about them that you appreciate.
6) Whenever you have a moment, look around you and see if you can make a list of the things in your surroundings for which you have gratitude and appreciation.
7) Slow down and appreciate your food before eating. (You’ll experience better digestion!)
8) Decide to pay attention to little things you like, and appreciate them.
9) Write one thank you note a day, thanking people for big or little things, past or present.
10) As a gift for a loved one, decorate a box and fill it with little pieces of paper, each with a message of grateful or thanks on it.
11) Take a gratitude walk. Set out for a short stroll with the commitment that you will think of things for which you are grateful while walking.
12) Call or text someone and tell them what you appreciate about them. (You might even start with your friend who suggested you start the gratitude practice! Clearly he is someone who cares about you.)
These are just some ideas. If you’re willing to consider some form of gratitude practice, be sure to start off small enough that you’ll be easily able to continue. Persistence is a key in this. The longer you do the practice, the more you’ll find your outlook on life starts to shift.
It’s not like hard things don’t still happen, it’s just that they’re only one hard thing in the midst of many things for which you’re grateful. And that’s a very different story to tell! One that just might make you happier, healthier, and more friendly.
Blessings and Love to you in all you do.
In Joy,
Melissa
What is your experience with gratitude practice? Share your comments below!
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