My wife Melissa and I have been together over thirteen years.

That’s not nearly as long as my parents, who have been together for over 60 years. (Hi, Mom and Dad!)

And it’s not nearly as long as countless other couples around the world.

Nevertheless, the past thirteen years have given me a solid education in the ups and downs of long-term partnership.

Enough that I am now prepared to weigh in on what I think is perhaps the most important skill to possess in order to thrive in a long-term partnership.

It looks like this:

1. You feel cranky/bitchy/lethally unkind toward your partner.

2. You want to say something cranky/bitchy/lethally unkind to your partner.

3. You don’t say it.

You may still think it. You may still feel it. You may even think of a number of different ways in which you could express your displeasure to your partner.

But you keep your lips shut in order to keep the offending words from slipping out of your mouth and into the open air.

When you’re feeling up for a Super Advanced version of the skill, you do this:

1. You take a breath.

2. You remember how much you love your partner and how much you appreciate your relationship.

3. You say something kind/nice/loving instead.

In the thirteen years Melissa and I have been together, I’ve gotten better and better at actually employing this skill. This isn’t to say that I always do so. And this isn’t to say that I always do so as artfully as I would like.

But every time I commit kind and loving words to open-air exchange instead of cranky and judgy ones, our relationship is better for it.

And this skill isn’t just for romantic relationships. You can use it with anyone!

A cranky relative.

An ornery clerk at the grocery store.

Anyone that prompts you to say – or even think – a less-than-kind response.

You can choose kindness instead.

I don’t necessarily endorse a kind response if it’s going to be dripping with sarcasm. Or one that’s uttered between clenched teeth.

In that case, silence is probably better.

But once you get to ninja level, you can actually feel kindness while uttering a kind, compassionate phrase.

And who better to be on the receiving end of these phrases than your loved ones?

Don’t they deserve the best of you?

(Yes! Yes, they do!)

Another cool thing about getting to ninja level with this skill is that the world is better for it. Not only will you and your partner be happier, but so will your relatives. And that cranky clerk at the grocery store.

And happier peeps are more likely to be kind to others, producing waves and waves of kindness spreading further and further.

And all because you did a little editing before uttering.

What’s your experience with editing before uttering? Share your comments below!

Want Sneak Peeks, Insider Info, and other Fun Stuff?! Become a member of OhMyGod Life!