photo: Purple Sherbet Photography
Everybody’s always saying that we’re supposed to claim and embody our uniqueness, but sometimes it’s not that easy.
Do you feel me?
Yes, every snowflake is completely different. And yes, we are like those snowflakes in our amazing, beautiful difference.
But what about when the snowflake keeps getting stared at because it doesn’t look like the other snowflakes?
Take my recent trip to Ohio, for example.
My wife Melissa and I recently spent a week in Oberlin, Ohio – my hometown. Oberlin was a great place to grow up. It’s a college town, so it’s way more diverse and culturally-stimulating than a lot of other towns in the Midwest.
Not that there’s anything wrong with tractor-pulls and acres of corn. Those are awesome!
But Oberlin is surrounded by corn and tractors, plus it has world-class musicians and an annual Queerfest Drag Ball.
Does it get any better than that?
No. It does not.
photo: Ybridex AngeloDemon on flickr
So why did this little snowflake have such a hard time if she was staying in Oberlin?
Because Oberlin wasn’t the problem. It was all the places and spaces around Oberlin that were challenging.
I identify as gender-rich. (For more about this, go here or here.)
My particular expression of gender-prosperity looks like this: I am an AFAB (Assigned Female at Birth) person who dresses in a way that’s viewed as “male.” I have short hair. I like clothes that have historically been deemed “men’s clothes.”
No, the clothes we call “men’s clothes” do not have penises attached to them. But for whatever reason, society has decided that men dress like this:
photo: Paul Stevenson on flickr
And women dress like this:
photo: David Long on flickr
But I dress like this:
photo: Will Bakx
My style of gender expression is all well and good in Northern California, where I reside. In this part of the world, people are used to seeing an AFAB person dressed in men’s-clothes-that-aren’t-really-just-for-men.
But in Ohio? Or, anywhere in Ohio outside of Oberlin?
Everyone thought I was a guy.
I had long interactions with people and they still thought I was a guy. I got stared at a lot. Like, a lot.
I’ve gotten used to getting stared at, even in Northern California. I know that people are just trying to figure out if I’m a man or a woman. I do the same thing when I see someone who’s super gender rich.
But it happened so often in Ohio, it started to get a little tiring.
At the airport, when we were returning home, the TSA security guy gave me one of those Are you a man or a woman? stares after I cleared the security screening. And then he said he needed to frisk down the front of my chest.
What?
It was creepy. I wanted to immediately take a shower to wash off the slimy vibes.
When we got back to California (praise the Lord!), I had a hard time shaking off the effects of the trip.
So I asked the Divine to help me navigate through the aftermath of slime exposure.
Soon after, an affirmation popped in my head:
I delight and empower the world with my unique gender expression.
I immediately began saying it aloud.
Right away, I felt lighter. Happier. Stronger.
It was awesome.
photo: melissa phillippe
It’s taken me a long time to get to the place where I can embrace and embody my unique gender expression.
And sometimes, like my recent trip to Ohio, it can still feel challenging.
But my affirmation reminded me that it’s precisely what’s different about me that makes me such an awesome snowflake. Not only that, but embracing and expressing my uniqueness gives others permission to do the same.
So here’s my question for you:
What do you delight and empower the world with?
Hint: it might be something about yourself that you’ve made wrong. Some unique, quirky, totally-different-from-what-the-world-deems-as-acceptable thing about yourself.
That very thing is here to delight and empower the world. And you!
After all, you’re not like all the other snowflakes.
Why pretend to be?
photo: Benny Mazur on flickr
How do you delight and empower the world? Share your comments below!
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You go, Sistah! I always thought there was something wrong with me until I realized, just recently, that I am an Introvert. Now, I see I am normal and I embrace it. I’m letting my Freak Flag Fly!
Hi Sherry,
Yes, let that flag fly free!! It feels so good, doesn’t it?! Being an introvert does put you in a different space than all those rowdy extroverts out there – I think they make up 3/4 of the US population. I am also an introvert, so I know how important it is to honor this difference. Congratulations on your realization!
XOZ
Love, love, love this article and your spirituality, perspective, and attitude. You are amazing
Hi Carol,
Thank you! And thanks for stopping by! 🙂
XOZ
Oberlin! I’m from Indiana and attended one of Oberlin College’s sister colleges, Earlham, in Richmond, Indiana. Earlham, like Oberlin, was such an open-minded, accepting place. The rest of Indiana? Well, they’re coming along at their own pace. 🙂
I have always felt different because I have a tendency to view things differently from many people and want things that differ from others’ wanting. Finally, today, I glory in my unique perspective and treasure my individual dreams and goals. I’ve learned from Abraham to happily call all those other voices “the peanut gallery” and to disregard their influence to a great degree.
I feel so much better these days about “who I am.” However, I won’t go back to Indiana to put it all to the test just quite yet. 🙂
Hey Karen,
A fellow Midwesterner!! Even though I choose not to live there now, I appreciate many of the aspects I absorbed from growing up in Corn Country. Like friendliness and a slower pace and a down-to-earth-ness. I sense that you might have some of these things too. 🙂
I’m glad that, through Abe, you now celebrate your unique point of view. Abe has helped me do the same. I love them for that.
Thank you for your awesome born-in-the-Midwest comment!! 🙂
XOZ
From the moment I saw and heard you I experienced joy and saw creativity. Your honesty and openness always makes me smile from the inside out. I was dx’d late in life with ADHD. Explained a lot about my natural quirkiness. Observing your wonderful spontaneity, playfully spiritual antics and joyful expression bring the affirmation alive in me. Learn best visually. I think I’m an introvert but feel like a playful extrovert on the inside.
Great article. Thanks. xo
Hi Barbara!
It’s interesting how many creative, free spirits are told they have ADHD. I’m glad that you are embracing your natural quirkiness!! 🙂
XOZ
OK first a Boston story It was 1964 at the Puritan Lunch. a little below the sidewalk old timey dinner near the Museum of Fine Arts. I was having lunch with world renown Rene Ri’card (later a Andy Warlhol star and art critic in NYC) he was 16…”long” Beatles hair foppish Prussian blue velvet frock coat, lace jabot, riding boots…the waitress came to our formica table and said. “I was wondering if you are a boy or a girl.” Not missing a beat, Rene turned his elegant profile to her and answered. “I don’t see what difference it makes unless you are thinking of going to bed with me.” We got tossed out and banned. true, true- out of the mouths of babes.
Love it! Great story!
Hi Jerrine,
This is awesome! I’ll have to try that line. 😉
XOZ