Dear Meli,

I have a history of  fighting with myself, especially when it comes to my weight. Lately, I’ve been getting in touch with different aspects of myself, and I’m realizing that there’s a part of me that really wants to lose weight. But there’s another part of me that’s scared that if I lose weight, I won’t be safe in the world anymore. I really do believe my Highest Good – including the health of my body – is for me to lose weight. But I don’t know to get there. How can I make that scared part of me go along with my Highest Good?

Weight Weary

Dear Weary,

Congratulations to you on your awareness! It is no small feat to have enough honesty and willingness to see the different aspects of your being and their conflicting desires. So yay you!

There are so many facets to weight challenges, it’s impossible to address them all in one reply. Obviously, given the magnitude of this as a challenge in our society alone, if releasing extra weight was easy, our world would be a different place. And the weight loss industry would not be so profitable!

My own experience with my weight (and food) has been an extensive journey down a long and crooked road. The realization that I had “parts” of me (for lack of a more accurate or eloquent psychological description) that were NOT aligned with my desire to be at my healthiest weight was shocking to me! When I am “in” (identified with and feeling the desires of) the part of me that wants to lose weight, it seems there is simply no conflicting “part.” But, alas, we are complicated creatures. And most of our drivers of behavior are not in our conscious mind.

Disturbing, I know. But true.

But there is good news still. Because our conscious mind is powerful indeed! With the use of our conscious mind, we can program and influence our unconscious mind.

First things first. When I became aware that I had a part of me that wanted to remain overweight, I was furious with that aspect of my being! I wanted her gone! I was enraged that she existed and that she had been sabotaging what I thought I wanted. How dare she mess up my plans! (Besides that, what an idiot I had been not to have noticed that part of me! And to have succumbed to her when I thought I wanted to lose weight more than anything!)

But the problem with my response is that I was rejecting “her.” And I don’t know about you, but I have never been supported in my own evolution through rejection or shame. Just sayin’. The part of me that has been afraid of, and resisting, being at my optimal weight has very good reasons for not feeling safe as a smaller person. The decision to be overweight was not made lightly! The parts of me that don’t want it have good reason for thinking it’s better if I carry extra weight to remain a little bit invisible.

Add to that the fact that our brains are made to want foods that are high in calories for the least effort. This is a species-survival thing. That was fine until we had eternally-available food. Not to mention the manufactured “food” that is literally designed to make you crave more!

Add to that the beauty “ideals ” of skinny models in magazines, and the unrealistic beauty standards that we’re all inundated with from an early age. Optimal weight doesn’t necessarily mean super skinny. It means optimal weight for you.

Then there is the psychological component of mastering our emotions. Just navigating the emotions of one day, and making decisions that have an emotional component, can feel like too much to ask.

What do we do with all this? Lots of things work. But none of them work without awareness of what’s actually driving us to eat and make our choices about what foods to consume.

Self-love is the biggest factor in making healthy choices, in my opinion. I’m not even talking about knowing that you deserve to be happy about your body and weight and food. I’m talking about loving all parts of you! Including the parts of you that are not necessarily supporting what it is you think you want.

Try this:

1. Contact the part (or parts, one at a time) that doesn’t want you to be at your optimal weight.

2. What is the reason that part of you might not want to lose the weight? How old is this part?

3. Recall yourself at that age – and send them love! Notice that they were doing their very best at the time, given who you were and the circumstances.

4. Notice that your life today doesn’t look the same as it did then…and show that part of you an updated video of your life today. You are catching them up with your present circumstances.

5. Send them love – Divine love and personal love, from you.

Next time you are driven to, or considering eating something that isn’t in your optimal-weight food-plan, ask which part of you is driving the thoughts. Become curious, not rigid. This practice is not done in order to make sure you don’t eat the food – at least, not at first. Just become highly aware of your process. Which aspect of your being is “talking?” And can you love this part of you? Practice simply loving them and sending them lots of love. And breathe into yourself, and that part of you.

Love is healing.

This is just one part of changing habits. When you see what is driving the less-than-ideal habit, creating new habits becomes much easier! However, there is also the issue of addiction. And this practice does not address that. I am not pretending that this is the full process. But it is a great beginning.

Love you. Love that part of you. And maybe allow the part of you that really wants to lose weight to have a conversation with the part that doesn’t. Dialogue between the two of them and see if they can come up with some sort of plan to work together. The idea is that everyone – all parts of you – gets their needs met. Because they are all your needs. You need to know you will be safe. Or it will not feel good once you achieve your goal. It will feel too scary!

The beauty of inner work is that it allows for the eloquence of unfolding newness in an organic way. When we do it like this, it can feel like a long and bumpy unpaved road, at times. But for sustained change, it’s the best route. In time, it becomes easier and easier.

Bless you on the road, no matter the terrain!

In Joy,

Melissa

What is your experience with self-sabotage? Share your comments below!

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