Dear Meli,

My husband died a few years ago, and ever since then I haven’t felt as connected to my life here on earth. It’s not that I’m depressed necessarily, but I also don’t know why I’m still here. I’ve lived a good life, and I have nothing else I want to accomplish this lifetime. I feel like I’m finished. And yet here I am, still living. Do you have any thoughts about this?

Still Surviving

Dear Surviving,

My love and blessings to you regarding the loss of your husband! I can’t imagine how difficult that must be. I am truly sorry for your loss.

My thoughts about life and death are many. More than I can write about here.

My mother passed away just after I completed ministerial school. My last years in school were the most difficult for her, as she was in a long dying process. I left school only partially joking that what I learned from my Masters in Consciousness program is that “Life is weird!”

But one thing I feel clear about is that I believe if you were truly finished, you would not be here in your body any more.

I personally believe that two of our primary purposes for living are to evolve our soul, and to contribute to the evolution of others’ lives. Perhaps your presence in someone else’s life is serving them more than you know? And/or perhaps, as you learn to go on without your beloved at your side, you are evolving your own soul more than you can imagine.

Years ago a dear friend of mine, Jan Tangen, wrote a song with his friend. He passed on many years ago, but this wonderful song still plays in my head from time to time. “You Make a Difference in the World.” One of the things they wrote about in this song is that when we smile at someone, it gets passed along to others. I don’t think we’ll ever know, while on this side of the veil, how deeply the littlest things we do affect others’ lives. I don’t believe we can understand just how much of a difference we make in our time here.

But I am sorry for the experience you are having. I’d love for you to feel more of a purpose as long as you’re here! Perhaps some of the following ideas might help:

1. Pray to Spirit (whatever you call It). Ask It to bring you to a greater sense of purpose, joy, and zest for life.

2. Perhaps it would support you to find a way to be more directly of service? This can be helpful in bringing a feeling of meaning to life. There are endless possibilities of ways to serve. So many people are in need. You could find a group you feel particularly drawn to helping.

3. Another of my favorite ways of uplifting myself is by a regular practice of gratitude. There are many methods for this. But two simple possibilities are to:

a. write down three things that you feel went well each day, and why you think they went well, and

b. write three or more things for which you’re grateful each day.

4. Consciously think about ways you can engage more fully, or in new ways, with life. Whether with people or animals, singing or dancing or art, engaging more fully with life can’t help but bring you greater joy.

5. Of course, always and in all ways, be kind with yourself in the process. Being gentle with yourself is key. Let yourself grieve in whatever ways you still need to. Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes, without judging yourself for any of the feelings or for how long it’s taking for the grief to move through. (After the loss of a beloved, grief never leaves. We just get more used to it.)

These are possible ways to help to pass the time, if nothing more. If any of them feel aligned for you, it could support your experience of being here, as long as you are.

I wish you all the very best in the remainder of your days here! May you find purpose, and peace.

Blessings and Love to you in all you do!

Meli

What is your experience with finding purpose at the end of life? Share your comments below!

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