Dear Meli,

I had a really hard childhood. In many ways, things are so much better now. I’ve come a long way and I’m grateful for who I am today. But there’s something that still bothers me. When I talk about my childhood, it’s hard not to lapse into telling it as a tale of woe. Like I said, I’ve learned so much since then, and I know everything wasn’t all bad, but somehow I still frame my past as a melodrama. Do you have any tools or techniques that can help with this?

Sob Story

Dear Sobby,

I am so sorry to hear about your childhood trauma! Truly.

I’ve heard it said that the reason we get stuck in certain emotional cycles is that we replay the memory of trauma, like replaying a favorite movie video, over and over in our mind. I have observed myself doing this.

In playing the same video over, we trigger the same brain patterns, which send off signals for the same chemical reaction in the body. One minute we’re talking about something from our past, and bam, we’re filled with those same awful and familiar feelings.

Here’s something to try out some time. Rewrite the movie!

I do not mean this as a glib, light thing. I know that trauma happened for you. I do not mean to minimize your pain.

At the same time, to support moving forward, perhaps rewriting the movie might shift it in your head. It’s been playing as a horror flick. But what if you could turn it into other kinds of movies?

Try this exercise just to see if it might help. It takes imagination. But then, so does watching the same video over and over!

When you’re safe in meditation,

1) Rewrite the movie as a historical drama. Put yourself, and all the other characters in costumes and add some dramatic music.

2) Turn it into a musical. Watch as the characters break out into song in the oddest of moments. Watch them sing their song, aware of the silliness of all this.

3) Turn it into a cartoon. Watch the characters, as caricatures, move through some of the same story but in a silly way, with goofy music playing along. Make funny things happen to them along the way. You might have “the villain” receive punishment in some real but (because it’s a cartoon, after all) harmless way.

4) Turn it into a comedy. Watch as the “bad-guy’s” plans keep not quite happening, because of various silly mix-ups. Or see your self like a Mr. McGoo-type character who keeps bypassing the trauma in synchronistic ways.

This practice can shift your awareness. After doing this once (or a few times), you might find that unconsciously playing that same old memory-movie no longer plays out in the same old way. You may find it lighter and less heavy.

Of course, there are many other valuable ways to release and/or shift trauma, not the least of which is trauma therapy! Any healing modality can help. And each of us will respond to each modality differently.

To shift my own trauma, I have talked with therapists and close friends I can trust.  I have also tried NLP, EMDR, EFT, and TRE, among other modalities. Each of them were beneficial for me. I also have used meditation to reframe the trauma and to envision myself without any reactions when I’m talking about certain experiences in my life. But I do find it entertaining, and powerful, to watch the villain of my own stories fly through the air as they trip and fall, with funny music playing. Hard to go back to being terrified in the same way after that.

Just something to try.

May anything, and everything, you do for this support your healing. I wish you happiness. Now and when you look back!

Blessings and Love to you in all you do.

In Joy,

Melissa

What is your experience with telling sad stories? Share your comments below!

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