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Dear Meli,

What do you think about lies? Do you think we should never lie? I ask because I sometimes find myself telling white lies. Like, I have a coworker who wants to be good friends with me and I don’t feel the same way. When they ask me to get together, I say that I’m too busy. It’s true that I am busy, but it’s also true that I don’t want to hang out with them. But they’re my coworker! I’m trying to avoid an awkward situation at work. What’s your take on white lies?

Little Liar


Dear Little Liar,

This is a great question. Your asking it shows both your caring about this person’s feelings as well as your own spiritual impeccability.

There are two schools of answers for this question. Some would say to always tell the truth and do so as kindly as possible. I’ve even heard this school of thought point out that lying to protect someone’s feelings is about us being controlling. Trying to control their feelings. I do understand this opinion. But it’s not the one I ascribe to.

Feel free to call me a coward because this is not my way. I admit that much or most of my intent is to not hurt someone else. I also admit (though sheepishly) that some of this approach is because potentially hurting someone else’s feelings can bring about uncomfortable feelings in me! (Just keepin’ it real.)

The other approach I’ve heard, and the one that aligns with my heart, is that “honesty is great unless it’s going to unnecessarily hurt someone else’s feelings.” A key word in this is “unnecessarily.” Because there are going to be times when you have to be honest to be in alignment with your integrity.

And yet, there are also times, as in the example you gave, where I believe it is the more loving, decent thing to stick with the truth that you are busy. After all, it is true. When there is not such a “kinder truth” to tell, it gets stickier. In that case, I would take a deep breath and tell the truth.

In my opinion, kindness rules. Not inauthentic kindness. And not straight-up lying to be “kind.” Because straight-up lying is not a kind thing to do.

This may sound a bit all over the place. So what I will say is that even if I am telling a kinder truth that some could consider a white lie, I don’t choose to do so lightly. And I always go with my intuiting inner knowing, and my heart. Also, whenever possible, I will have meditated and prayed on the communication, prior to any conversation.

Hoping this might help to guide you to your own truth.

Blessings and Love to you in all you do!

In Joy,

Melissa

 

What is your experience with telling lies and telling the truth? Share your comments below!

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