Dear Meli,
What do you think about lies? Do you think we should never lie? I ask because I sometimes find myself telling white lies. Like, I have a coworker who wants to be good friends with me and I don’t feel the same way. When they ask me to get together, I say that I’m too busy. It’s true that I am busy, but it’s also true that I don’t want to hang out with them. But they’re my coworker! I’m trying to avoid an awkward situation at work. What’s your take on white lies?
Little Liar
Dear Little Liar,
This is a great question. Your asking it shows both your caring about this person’s feelings as well as your own spiritual impeccability.
There are two schools of answers for this question. Some would say to always tell the truth and do so as kindly as possible. I’ve even heard this school of thought point out that lying to protect someone’s feelings is about us being controlling. Trying to control their feelings. I do understand this opinion. But it’s not the one I ascribe to.
Feel free to call me a coward because this is not my way. I admit that much or most of my intent is to not hurt someone else. I also admit (though sheepishly) that some of this approach is because potentially hurting someone else’s feelings can bring about uncomfortable feelings in me! (Just keepin’ it real.)
The other approach I’ve heard, and the one that aligns with my heart, is that “honesty is great unless it’s going to unnecessarily hurt someone else’s feelings.” A key word in this is “unnecessarily.” Because there are going to be times when you have to be honest to be in alignment with your integrity.
And yet, there are also times, as in the example you gave, where I believe it is the more loving, decent thing to stick with the truth that you are busy. After all, it is true. When there is not such a “kinder truth” to tell, it gets stickier. In that case, I would take a deep breath and tell the truth.
In my opinion, kindness rules. Not inauthentic kindness. And not straight-up lying to be “kind.” Because straight-up lying is not a kind thing to do.
This may sound a bit all over the place. So what I will say is that even if I am telling a kinder truth that some could consider a white lie, I don’t choose to do so lightly. And I always go with my intuiting inner knowing, and my heart. Also, whenever possible, I will have meditated and prayed on the communication, prior to any conversation.
Hoping this might help to guide you to your own truth.
Blessings and Love to you in all you do!
In Joy,
Melissa
What is your experience with telling lies and telling the truth? Share your comments below!
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“no Mr Hitler, I don’t have any Jews in my basement”.
Exactly! 🙂
Wow. Thank you. I have a bit of a “frenemy” situation with someone who is ostensibly a nice and good person on many levels but always manages to make me not want to hang out with them because of THEIR UNRELENTING HONESTY which could also be described as insatiable and sometimes inappropriate curiosity about my personal life. I limit my time with this person by begging off because I’m busy. Sure. I AM busy but if I enjoyed their time more I would make time for them. Does that make sense? I feel you just gave me karmic permission to keep doing what I’m doing.
Hi Joan,
I totally understand!! It sounds like you are being kind and respectful to them – and to YOU!!
BIG Love,
Melissa
Hi Meli, I really appreciated your answer because I try very hard not to hurt people’s feelings either in these situations. I would do what you said until it didn’t work anymore. Then unfortunately I think I would be left with telling the person that I just have different interests than them outside of work and hopefully that it won’t hurt the relationship they have at work.
Hi Georgiann,
Yes, sometimes it does come to the point where you have to be more straightforward. And again, being kind goes a long way.
Love you!
Melissa
Love this. Thoughtful, sincere discussion. And I think we’ve all been here.
I’ve had someone tell me that I care more about others comfort than my own….but that’s not how i see it. I just think the world is tough enough without unnecessary brutal honesty. Now, as you mention, there are times when raw honesty is the kindest thing you can offer.
Hi Kit,
Yes, it’s definitely a case-by-case thing. And kindness is always welcome!!
BIG Love,
Melissa
I really appreciate this topic and wisdom being shared. I know I have a place of harmony inside my heart when I’m aligned with action that best represents my caring and authenticity.
May we all be blessed with soulful guidance in our choices.
In gratitude and love
Hi Rayeanna,
Fun to see you here! I like the way you articulate this. That place of harmony inside our hearts is such a great marker of aligned action. Thank you for your comment! 🙂
BIG Love,
Melissa