You’re probably not surprised to hear that my wife Melissa has taught me a lot about love. But did you know that Melissa’s car has also schooled me on the subject?
Melissa’s car is a blue Honda Fit. We call her Zippity, on account of her ability to zip around the road with aplomb. She’s small, she’s sassy, and she knows it.
She’s called a Fit because, even though she’s small, she can fit an astounding number of things inside her. Before we had our touring van, we would go to gigs with Zippity. We’d pack a PA, speakers, a keyboard, a keyboard stand and bench, boxes of merch, and all our food and clothes into Zippity’s little self. And she loved it! Even packed full, she continued to zip around the road with her usual ease and flair.
But the most important thing about Zippity, and the reason I’m writing this post, is her license plate. It says BIG♥2U.
Zippity’s plate is quintessential Melissa. The first time I hung out with Melissa and we were saying goodbye, she said “I love you.” Not in a you’re-my-future-spouse-so-let’s-get-married kinda way. Melissa is simply full of love and likes to share it.
I, on the other hand, am much more reserved. I come from a family of East Coast WASPs and stoic Midwesterners. We don’t need to say “I love you.” It’s implied.
At one point, early on in our relationship, Melissa looked at me and declared, “I just love you sooooo much.”
How did I respond?
I said, “I’m very fond of you as well.”
At the time, Melissa was mortified. Now she knows that “I am very fond of you” is a huge declaration from me. It is the total equivalent of “I love you sooooo much.” Squeezed through my WASP/Midwest filter.
I have, over time, learned to say “I love you.” Even my WASP/Midwestern family says it to each other now.
But still. We don’t go overboard.
So here I am, driving a car that declares its love every time I get behind the wheel. And not just any love. BIG love! BIG love to YOU! Meaning everyone who sees the car.
I have to admit, I mostly block out this fact from my awareness. I’m only reminded of it when another driver smiles at me with a broad grin. At first I wonder what’s wrong. Are they laughing at me? Did they catch me in a particularly enthusiastic car karaoke moment?
No. It’s the plate. I have wished them BIG love and they are returning it in kind.
It’s not unlike my experience of being married to Melissa. She has offered me BIG love and I do my best to return it in kind.
Driving Zippity is an extension of that process. I am taking my love on the road. I am offering it to everyone who sees me.
No, it’s not in my WASP/Midwestern nature to offer love to everyone on the road. But offering this love to the world is in my elemental nature as a spiritual being having a human experience, even a WASP/Midwestern one.
So Zippity is stretching me. She is stretching me into my spiritual essence.
And there’s another thing.
Zippity is now 18 years old. She’s encroaching on antique status. She still has her zip, but she’s become a little… How do I say it? I could say shabby. I could say dilapidated. But Zippity is a loyal and wonderful vehicle, so I’m going to go with weathered.
It happened virtually overnight. One day, she was her shiny, zippy blue self, and the next day she had big worn patches on her roof and hood.
It doesn’t bother Melissa at all. She loves that Zippity is still such a great car on the inside no matter what she looks like on the outside. She loves that we’re being frugal by keeping Zippity until we actually need to get another car.
I, on the other hand, am not so generous in my assessment.
When I drive Zippity around town now, I feel a slight sense of embarrassment. Yes, I’m offering BIG love to everyone on the road, but I’m doing it from a slightly shabby weathered vantage point. Will they still want my BIG love, even if it’s weathered?
The answer, of course, is Yes. Love can never be weathered. Love is timeless and infinite and will never stop emanating from our beautiful little Zippity, no matter how old she gets.
It’s yet another way that she is stretching me into my essential nature. Not just by forcing allowing me to offer love to everyone on the road, but encouraging me to offer it to myself as well.
Even in my embarrassment.
Even in my misguided notions that Zippity and I are somehow unworthy of offering such love just because the external package has become a bit weathered.
I mean, hey. I’m getting weathered as well. Does that stop me from becoming more aware each and every day of the love that lives inside me?
No. No, it does not. In fact, the more weathered I get, the more loving I become.
Thanks to Melissa.
And Zippity.
What’s your experience with becoming more weathered and more loving? Share your comments below!
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First of all your weatheredness just makes you more adorable! I just finished schlepping this weathered body around Disneyland for two days as we were celebrating my son’s birthday. Last night we had to go through security again to get to dinner. An over vigilant security guard wasn’t going to let me pass because of a tiny blue whistle attached to my keychain. He ordered me to go all the way back to our hotel room to leave the whistle. Mind you I had passed through security six times prior without a word about this whistle! I became filled with rage and demanded to speak to a supervisor. Sometimes being weathered has its advantages as this nice man let me be on my way with my whistle. “Next time, please leave it in your room.” Who knew Disneyland had such a strict no whistle policy. Anyways, I was so pissed off and super angry over this arbitrary incident. We arrived at the restaurant and were sitting outside waiting for our reservation time when a dad and his over tired daughter in her stroller rolled up. She was on high crank alert and the poor dad was beside himself. The daughter was holding a little red Disney balloon. I said, “What a beautiful balloon you have!” The dad smiled and apologized for her crankiness. “She’s very tired.” I said, “You know what? So am I!” For a moment we both forgot our crankiness and chilled. As they wheeled away, I called out, “You’ll get a good rest tonight!” I amazed myself that although I was mad as a hatter, I was able to pull out some loving kindness. Now, my little blue whistle will remind me of that.
Hi Gary,
I always love hearing from you! Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful weathered experience. (I am so surprised by the No Whistle policy! I guess they’ve had some bad whistle experiences at Disneyland!!) I love that you were able to bust out kindness in the midst of feeling angry – and that you realized that you now have a reminder of that experience. How cool is that?!
Thank you for being you!
Sending you Loads of Love, as always!
XOXOXOZ
I love this. I’m not old, I’m weathered. And why shouldn’t I be weathered, we have weather every day. So whatever the weather I shall weather every storm in my weathered body. (Don’t you love the English language, where a word can be an adjective, noun and a verb?) But I digress, just wanted to say thanks.
Hi Nancy,
Yes! Whether weather is an adjective, noun, or a verb, it is always wonderful! 🙂
XOZ
Dearest Z! Today’s article is a PROFOUND, AUTHENTIC, vulnerable and deeply inspiring writing! It moved me to Godbumps and tears and smiles all simultaneously, and that’s sayin’ somethin’!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and megatons of love and limitless blessings! Rev. Rainbow Johnson
Hi Rev. Rainbow,
Thank you SO much! I always look forward to reading your wonderful comments. 🙂
XOXOZ
This is beautiful I am very fond of this meaning I just love it!! 🫶☮️❤️
Hi Gaelen,
And I am very fond of this comment! 🙂
XOZ
Happy Z day today little Miss Libra! I loved your zippity experience and I love you!!! Have a blessed birthday
Hi Rev. Kathy,
Thank you SO much!! I love you too! 🙂
XOXOZ
I recently had the worst experience with multiple reps on multiple calls in a row at Xfinity. Without getting too deep into the weeds I was simply trying to find a way to lower the cost of our bill since being retired has drastically changed our budgeting. I was supremely frustrated by the time I got to the last rep having already been shuffled around. I’m now with the last rep who actually was the most helpful and sweetest person and I thought ok we can get this done.
As our conversation progressed it was apparent Xfinity’s policies don’t give a hoot about the customers’ experience nor how they can work with you. I also learned I’d been blatantly lied to by the previous rep who gave me a service that wasn’t at all what I wanted and was more expensive than quoted.
I lost it. I cancelled my service and the process took forever just to do this. I was steaming by now and I lost it big time. It wasn’t one of my proudest moments. At a point though deep in this mess my weathered self heard her staying calm really trying to help me and apologizing over and over. My brain gears stopped, I took a deep breath and I realized I was over the edge. I sincerely apologized to her. I was clear that in no way was this personally on her. I explained all the things she did extraordinarily well, especially considering how angry I was. I also told her that I understood the pressure they put on these reps in call centers including they listen in on the calls (I worked in this industry for years). I assured her I wanted my voice on record that she was extraordinary and I appreciated her because I didn’t want her losing her job with someone not knowing the full story. (Call Center environments are brutal) To my surprise and I’ve never ever have had this happen before, she started crying and I mean crying a lot. She eventually calmed down and we spoke more. She said I was so kind to say these nice things about her and it removed her sadness because we had been having such wonderful conversation not work related and laughing. She was crushed to think she caused me anger. Reminder, I was the one who lost it and she was thanking me! Another country, a different culture.
This was a profound moment for me. I was reminded we all live in different worlds, what kindness really is and that it was not me correcting my wrongs. If I wasn’t so weathered by my years of life I would’ve walked away from this as just another bad experience, but it wasn’t, instead this was one of my silver lining moments.
Being weathered, I like it. No more matured, now weathered it is! It’s odd but that word weathered is so less stuffy and brings me peace. 🕊️
Hi Pam,
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story. I love the healing that you had and how deeply you were able to share with this other person. Thank you SO much for sharing.
And here’s to weathering it out together!!!
XOXOZ