Dear Meli,
It’s been an intense couple of months, what with the election and Covid. But in my family, the intensity has been going on for four years. My family of origin and I have very different political views. We tried to have civil discussions, but we found it wasn’t possible. Now, we don’t discuss politics. This mostly works well. But, I have to admit, I have so much judgment toward them for their views. Do you have any suggestions for me about how to release my judgment?
Jaded and Judgy
Dear Judgy,
Times have been especially difficult for many of us, in the exact way you describe. I have talked to many people who are upset by the political views of friends and family. Many of them have chosen to limit contact with people it’s difficult to be with. This can be heart-breaking and confusing.
For me, it comes down to taking care of my personal energy. As much as possible, I prefer to spend time with people who, after I leave them, make me I feel better. Happier. More expanded.
Here’s why:
I believe my personal vibration is a creative power that plays a tremendous part in how my life is, and is becoming. (I would rather use a less woo woo word than vibration, here. But it’s the most descriptive one I can find. So please forgive me.)
If I spend time with someone and feel terrible afterwards, it’s not helpful for me. If I notice that I have this experience regularly with a particular person or persons, I reevaluate my choices. I ask myself why I’m choosing to spend my time in a way that downgrades my vibrational field.
Sometimes I get a decent answer. One that makes me choose to continue to spend time with this person, but maybe limit the amount. But I often discover, in this line of inquiry, that the relationship was built on a me that no longer exists, or on common values we no longer share. And I prioritize my vibration.
Sometimes I come to the latter conclusion regarding someone I still care deeply for and about. Those situations can feel especially difficult to navigate emotionally. In those times, I make it a spiritual practice to remain aware of my love for them, even as I choose less (or no) contact.
That said, I also think it’s important for us to be able to have conversations with folks who believe differently than we do. If for no other reason than to observe the beautiful diversity of Spirit’s creations. There will always be people with different views than mine. But we are made by the same One, and loved infinitely by this One. Indeed, we are of and in the same One, scientifically speaking. And if I am upset by their ideas, I try to see how compassionate I can become. Can I become more curious and ask them more questions? Can I truly have a desire to understand?
I am not always successful at this, by the way. But it’s a beautiful practice! Because, when I am successful at it, I always land at a common ground of some kind. It doesn’t mean I’ll want to have the person become my new best friend. But it can grow my capacity to love. And that, in my opinion, is what I am here on the planet to do.
This may sound like I’m saying two different things. And I guess I am. And I think both are important. Thus, again, the paradox. Metaphysics is filled with it! It can be hard sometimes for our smaller egoic based minds to hold it all. But when we’re unable to hold the paradox, we are more apt to fall into an us vs. them mindset. What follows? A country, or a family, or structure divided. And a divided country, family, or structure is a weak one.
So here’s to the paradox of self-care and inquiry. And here’s to your vibration!
Blessings and Love to you in all you do!
In Joy,
Melissa
What is your experience with family and judgment? Share your comments below!
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I relate and strive for both ends of the paradox you shared. There are a few, one in particular who is so dear that separation is not an option for me. So I’m coming to a place where I try to ask and hear their story and needs and values, and some times I just scatter seeds of my own perspectives. My success is sporadic and imperfect, so I also work on self compassion and keeping my feet on the ground. Knowing there are others engaging the same work is comforting and my idealistic self believes that our collective efforts are paying off big time, even if we may not see it in front of our face.
Hi Marina, I love this! When a loved one is so dear, as you describe, moving to that place of asking questions and hearing their needs and values is such beautiful work! And staying compassionate with yourself while you do this is SO important. I love knowing that you are taking sweet care of yourself in this way. And YES, I also believe that our collective efforts ARE making a difference, even though we can’t always see this change on the material plane. At least, not immediately. BIG Love to you!!! Meli
I’ve have recently gone through this with one entire branch of the family. My husband a I are exhausted from dealing with it and unfortunately we have pretty much cut off communication with them entirely.
Both of us feel bad about this, but on the other hand it seems like a MORAL and ETHICAL issue rather than just politics.
I am hoping that when things settle down a bit we’ll be able to strike some kind of a truce.
We don’t see these people very much (probably a good thing’ because we live a couple of thousand miles away from them….but we do see their posts on Face Book.
The events of this year have torn the country apart in so many ways….
Hi Catalina, You are not alone in your experience! Choosing to distance yourself when it’s causing stress and strife can be a big help- and when there’s thousands of miles between you, that helps too!! But it’s still heartbreaking to have to distance like that, so I feel that too. Thank you for your comment! Sending you lots of LOVE! XO Meli
Thank you! I am anxious to stay curious because I know it won’t kill me and maybe broaden my views. Peace and Love, Gaelen
Hi Gaelen, Staying curious is surely wonderful way to go! That’s awesome that you are able to do that!! BIG Love, Meli
Ditto what Galen said. I don’t always understand the “other side” but I choose to listen and let go of the difference and still know that I can embrace the other person (spiritually speaking- not covid speaking) I can also choose to distance myself during this political circus without ruining the relationship forever.
Hi Cathy, I love that you can listen and still embrace the other peeps. More power to YOU!! And also kudos to you for taking care of yourself and distancing when needed. Sending you massive amounts of LOVE!!! XOXO Meli
I have a brother who is on the opposite side of the political spectrum than I. We learn in our spiritual development and all Faith traditions seem to ask of us to LOVE thy neighbor or fellow human so for me loving my brother in this very divided time is much easier than learning to love someone like our current administration leadership! I am actually deeply engaged in self discovery over how to deal with a brother who seems to have traveled a very different and in my opinion confused way of life! I just keep seeking that avenue to travel down to LOVE all sentient beings no matter the flaws that exist! It is certainly a challenge and my spiritual mind keeps growing! I feel fortunate and blessed to have that desire!
Hi Steve! Fun to “see” you here! Wow – thank you so much for sharing your experience. I LOVE your commitment to staying open to love – and also to continuing to grow in your spiritual journey. It’s beautiful and inspiring! BIG Love to you, Meli