Dear Meli,

I hate the holidays. When I was a kid, it was always the most stressful time of the year. My grandparents and uncle would come visit and things got loud. Fights broke out – verbal and physical. I would see shows on TV of happy families during the holidays and I always wished I could go stay with them. As a grew up, I gradually just stopped celebrating. My parents have passed away. My two siblings live far away and we’re not close. I still don’t like the holidays, but it’s easier to ignore them now. I don’t have kids of my own, so that makes it easier. Still, sometimes I feel like I’m missing something. Any thoughts or ideas for me?

Holiday Hater

Dear Holiday Hater,

I know you are not alone in this sentiment! There is stress in this season simply from the implication that we should all be happy and enjoying ourselves! You add to that the body’s rhythms, which are to rest and stay inside more (with shorter and colder days). This conflicts with the concept of gifts and parties. It can all seem like too much for many of us!

I think you’ve been doing great by honoring your impulse to not celebrate as much as some would expect. I think that’s healthy!

That said, the conflict you’re describing sounds like it might be Spirit’s nudge. Perhaps there are ways you could celebrate that would align with your nature and history? Maybe you’re wanting to celebrate by creating your own rituals and practices? Or maybe your inner being is calling for a feeling of community, and you might be able to find a way to share the holidays without adding too much stress?

But I am also sensing an old story beneath the descriptions of your previous, earlier, December months. One opportunity would be to explore your psyche for decisions you may have made about this time of year and all that it holds. What did you decide was true about people and holidays that might not be everyone’s experience?

I remember being with a writer at Disneyland. She was doing a story about how awful Disneyland was. (What?! …truly. That was her job.) I loved the place. But  I recall being there and listening to her describe the scene through her cynic’s eyes. I could see that all she was describing (the lines, the heat, the merchandising) was true. But she was missing all the things about the magical kingdom that made it magical and wonderful to me. Families connecting. Fun rides. The commitment to fun and family together. And, of course, Mickie Mouse!

Clearly, although we were in the same place on the same day, I was having so much fun appreciating everything and she was seeing a completely different and awful place. The difference was in our interpretations alone, and what was beneath those interpretations? Beliefs. Stories about what was “true” about Disneyland.

So one option for your Christmases to more closely mimic a happy place? Look for the things you can appreciate about Christmas. Start with basics, even if you have to stretch it a bit.

One way to think of things to celebrate in your own heart and current life would be to explore the history of Christmas. The Winter Solstice has been celebrated in cultures the world over for thousands of years. Solstice comes from the Latin word Sol, meaning “sun”, and sistere, meaning “standing still” – so Solstice means “Standing still sun.”  Marking the start of the solar year or the returning of the light, the Winter Solstice marks the shortest day and the longest night of the year. Rituals were celebrating both this shortest day and the return or “calling back [of] the sun.”

But it was the Roman Emperor Aurelian who established Dec. 25 as Saturnalia way back in the 3rd Century. It was set aside as the day to celebrate the Invincible or Unconquered Sun. They did this with at least one day of no work, with gathering of friends and family, gift-giving and, of course, much feasting. So, as you can see, many of what we today think of as Christmas traditions are actually direct decedents of the Winter Solstice and Saturnalia rituals. These traditions were all for honoring the shortest day and celebrating the return of (and calling back) the light.

Most of our current Christmas rituals came straight from those historical holidays. This includes the decorations: mistletoe, wreaths, bringing a tree into the home and putting lights on it, and even candy canes! Saint Nicholas was a real person, a 4th Century Bishop who was famous for his generosity, especially with children. And on and on it goes.

My point is that we have created a holiday by merging a bunch of historical holidays and turning it into what it is today. And you can make it whatever you want it to be now! There are infinite options for rituals you can make up to celebrate Christmastime. Infuse them with your own meaning.

That’s what I’ve done this past couple of decades. And I have found Christmas to be an ever-increasing joy as a result.

May this season be filled with whatever the heck you want it to be filled with! And, whatever that is, may it bring you closer to your highest good.

Blessings and Love to you in all you do!

In Joy,

Melissa

What is your experience with the celebrating the holidays? Share your comments below!

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