Dear Meli,

Do you have any ideas or advice about the connection between physical healing and emotional pain? I have a very difficult relationship with an old friend. In recent years, she has become more and more abusive. So much so, I recently stepped back from the friendship altogether. Since I stepped away, I’ve been having some intense pain in my hips. I’m starting to think the two things are related. Any tips on how to heal?

Hurting Heart and Hips

Dear Hurting,

Congratulations on your fabulous self-love and self-care in stepping away from this friend! I know that this can be a very difficult thing to do. It takes awareness to notice that the dynamic between you had shifted. It takes courage to step away from someone you love. So, Yay You on all counts!

How wonderful that you are already aware of the connection between letting go of the friendship and your hip pain! Well-done!

Z and I have both had many ailments that we were able to dissolve by applying the awareness and suggestions based on the world of Dr. John Sarno. Many years ago, Z had had chronic back pain that had them in bed and on disability for over a year. When they discovered Dr Sarno’s book, ‘”Healing Back Pain,” they were up and back to work (on a farm, doing heavy lifting and such) within a month! They were later able to apply the same techniques to rid themselves of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

I have used the same approach to shift many ailments of my own. I used to get migraines regularly and have had them less and less since knowing about Sarno’s work. I actually can’t recall the last one I had that I wasn’t able to “disappear.” I also used to have knee pain and couldn’t run. A few years ago, I started running again. I also no longer have skin rashes or gastrointestinal issues, both of which had plagued me for years! Sounds magical, right? It feels magical to Z and me, that’s for sure!

This biggest and most important part of this process is to fully believe, and know, that the pain you are experiencing is not physically sourced. The pain is very real, but the cause is the mind.

Not everyone has such syndromes, only some of us. Those of us who do get these syndromes tend to care very much about being good person and doing the right thing. Some of us are perfectionists. Sounds potentially harmless, right? But we are human, after all. And most of us have lofty goals of ourselves, especially those of us prone to this mind-body syndrome. When the outside world and our thoughts and actions bump into our inner standards for ourselves, it can feel like too much (especially if we were to express those inner emotions). So, rather than be a raging brat, we repress the feelings. Which can work fine. For a while.

But if, after years of this, there’s an overflow of these inner feelings, the tiniest thing can tip the scales. Sometimes the overload button gets hit when a big life stressor comes along, but sometimes it can seem to come out of nowhere. Either way, it’s the same process.

The mind, in its great love for us, does what it needs to do to allow us to continue to think we’re a decent human. It creates physical pain (by limiting blood and oxygen flow to an area of the body) to distract us for our “off-limit” feelings and thoughts.

For instance, a rational thought in your situation would be, “I am enraged at this person!” But if you have it wired that being enraged would make you “not a good person,” you’ll tend to repress the rage. If you also had, for instance, avoided feeling the sadness or shame about your old friend, it’s the same thing. The feelings don’t go anywhere. They pile up.

At one point, during our Master’s studies, I had a realization about the migraines I was getting. I tended to get a migraine at the end of a long class day if we had anything scheduled in the evening after class. I used to think that my exhaustion after those classes was unjustified. If I felt tired, I was a wimp. I mean, all I’d done was sit there all day. Right? Anyway, the day I realized the connection being the migraines and pushing myself to go out after class, the migraines stopped.

What do I do when I notice pain coming on that I know is not physically sourced? I start by looking at what I might be thinking or feeling, especially feelings that I would consider childlike, bratty, or just not okay. I can’t always access the feelings, and the great news is it doesn’t matter!

Because the next part is that I talk to my brain. I tell it that I am onto it! And to KNOCK IT OFF! (Yes, I often find that if I yell this – even silently – at my mind, it can be helpful. Then I command my mind to allow blood and oxygen to flow optimally to and through the area of my body that has pain. I also imagine myself a bit in the future, having been successful at this process. And I thank my brain.

One last recommendation: Reading some of Dr Sarno’s works could be very helpful for you. “Healing Back Pain” and “The Divided Mind” are my two favorites.

Here’s to your health!

In Joy,

Melissa

What is your experience with physical and emotional pain? Share your comments below!

Want Sneak Peeks, Insider Info, and other Fun Stuff?! Become a member of OhMyGod Life!