We’ve had a lot of different goals for OhMyGod Life in the eight plus years it’s been in existence.
Some are smaller goals, like making deadlines for content creation. Some are larger goals, like planning and implementing months-long tours around the country.
And then there are the meta goals. Goals that are wide and all-encompassing.
Early on in our ministry, Melissa and I, with the aid of Rev. Catherine Dollahite Pena created a sacred covenant. This covenant clarified the purpose and intention of OhMyGod Life, including five areas of focus, or meta goals.
Our goals in each of the five areas of focus – spiritual life, relationships, health, work, and finances – have been a wonderful way to stay on track with our ministry.
But somehow, in the eight years of goals and dreams and activities, I got a little lost.
I started to focus on outcomes. Indications of our success in the world.
Even though I knew that focusing on outcomes – like how many people watched our videos, or showed up for our workshops or Sunday services – was beside the point, I still got snared.
I expended energy on something, and then watched to see how the energy was received. And then, according to my perception of this reception, I either felt good or not good.
Or really not good.
I recently read the book Many Lives, Many Masters. The book is about a therapist’s work with past-life regression with one of his clients. The book was fascinating and wonderful and everything, but there was one small comment in particular that opened up a whole new world for me.
While under hypnotic regression, the client channeled spiritual masters from the other side. In one instance, these masters were talking about the benefits of the vows of obedience taken by people in religious orders. They said that these vows help people to give without asking for anything in return.
The masters then said that most of us give with expectation of a reward of some kind. And not only a reward, but a specific reward that we’ve envisioned/created in our minds.
For example, we offered a workshop. If more than 20 people showed up, I’d call the workshop a success. If fewer than 20 people showed up, I’d call the workshop a failure. Not only that, I’d tell myself that, because of the failure, I suck. And our ministry sucks. (Fun, right?)
This, said the masters, is not the way to go.
The true reward, they said, is doing without expecting anything… Doing unselfishly.
A while back, I posted about the value of Karma Yoga.
Karma Yoga is a path of action. You find your passion, your expression of your unique gifts and talents, and you share them with the world. As you give, you don’t worry about what happens with your gifts. You know that Spirit will take care of the outcome. In this process, you find your soul.
I’ve always loved this idea, and I try to keep it at the forefront of my mind in our work in the world. But, as I said, lately I was feeling a little lost.
I admire the idea of Karma Yoga, but it’s always felt a bit aspirational to me: Something that sounds great but is hard to achieve in real life.
And then the Many Lives, Many Masters folks weighed in.
Their clarification shifted things for me.
What if I make my only goal for OhMyGod Life that of doing without expecting anything?
Sure, we have daily goals, and our bigger goals, and even our meta goals, but what if I put one primary goal in front of all of those?
When I think about Karma Yoga, my focus is on putting the work in the world, doing my best, and then releasing it to Spirit.
Now, the goal is to release it as I’m doing it.
It’s a minor tweak, but one that’s changed everything for me.
I now see that the real work is learning to give without expectation.
Looking at this lifetime from the viewpoint of the spirit realm is amazingly clarifying. When I’m finished this go round, am I going to be fixated on how many people subscribed to our YouTube channel?
No!
(And if I am, I’m clearly stuck in YouTube Hell and haven’t actually crossed over to the spirit realm.)
When I do cross over, I’m going to focus on the care and quality of the love I put out into the world.
And giving without expectation of reward is the best way to get there. It serves others, but it’s also the best way to serve myself.
Bottom line, giving without continually checking for rewards feels a lot better than the alternative.
So even from a selfish, what’s-in-it-for-me standpoint, giving unselfishly is the way to go!
What’s your experience with giving unselfishly? Share your comments below!
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Your story reflects my experience of being a 2 on the Enneagram.. and learning to give unconditionally. There’s always an agenda. I’ve been working with it for more than 15 years. I’ve made some great strides and am delighted that often I let go of agendas and expectations. And I’m perfectly imperfect at it. One of my teachers along the way said something that really helps me… everyone who’s supposed to be there will be. I can work with that!! Love you so much
Hi Marina,
I always appreciate your comments! You are so thoughtful and aware. And compassionate – toward others and yourself. Thank you!
BIG Love,
XOZ
Come on Z! If you are going to live in my head….wait a minute what am I saying? You are the best roommate anyone could have! You have this uncanny knack of talking about what is currently foremost on my mind! Releasing without expectation is my lesson du jour. So much I want to tell you, but I hate texting by thumb. Suffice it to say that I feel you, I hear you, and I love you to the moon and back!
Hi Gary!
I appreciate how cozy and comfortable it is to live in your head. Thanks for that! 🙂
Sending moon-mileage love back to you!
XOZ
Welcome to class! I’ve been sitting in the front row of “releasing without expectation” for the past few months now. Told in a zoom meeting in front of other instructors that my services in this new dream job would no longer be needed. Created new opening videos for my Unity church. Sent them to minister and other powers that be….crickets. Created 17 units, five videos in each unit of life science for elementary school students. Contacted 16 years later by the copyright holder and forced to take them all down off Youtube last week. In my first year of national elementary school math seminar leader, spoke to 99 teachers. In my last year, the company made me present to 4 teachers. Lessons, lessons, lessons (sigh!). Finally figured out, like you?, my job is just to share who I am and what I have to offer without expectation. Nobody told me these advanced classes would be so damn hard. But trudge on, I must! Thank you so much for sharing. Your words these past few months have helped me recreate myself into a much happier person!
Love you!
Hi Gary,
Wow, all of that sounds extremely challenging indeed! I appreciate your ability to stay grounded throughout it all and find your center in the midst of the crazy ride!
Also, I have to say, I love your creativity. Your use of language is fun and smart and inventive. Just sayin!
BIG Love,
Z
This hit home! I’ve not always given freely. And I still check myself for that as I grow spiritually and emotionally. To release expectation of the outcome.
I got a crash course this past year as my mom is battling pancreatic cancer. I resigned from my job in Feb of last year because I could not devote the energy it deserved at the same time I caregave for my mom. I have a lot of stamina but I knew that would run my well dry quickly and I would not serve either path well.
Mom had an intense surgery and is still struggling and i know i might lose her soon. Not until faced with the inevitability of losing someone who has been my devoted parent, friend, and confidant all these years have I truly known what it is to give with zero need for accolades or feedback. It has been sobering and humbling.
I try not to have anticipatory grief and enjoy the present. That, too, is an exercise in giving with no promise of tomorrow.
As Alanis said: “we live, we learn. we love, we learn. we grow, we learn. we lose, we learn.”
Much love to you both. I love and cherish the work you’re doing!!
Hi Kit,
Wow – that sounds like you are in the middle of a LOT. We are both sending you love and hugs as you continue to move forward in this journey with your mom.
Thank you for this beautiful comment.
XOZ
Thank you, Z and Melissa. Hugs!
Way to go! So happy for you!!
Love to you and Melissa♥️
Hi Windy!
Love to you too!
XOZ
Hi Z! Your post is right on time for me, and though I too have been giving to give, at times give myself a criticism when I have a hope that isn’t met! That time I gave a presentation and one person showed up. That recent time when I launched my first children’s book at a big conference and made two sales. Do I suck? I dare to say NO! My gifts are received without a timeline, and I feel great that I have given what I want to give! Just say NO to self-blasting, and YES to giving for the sake of giving. Thank you for pulling us together on this goal! Much ❤️ love!
Hi Lisa,
I love that you are daring to say No to the “I suck!” And I love the idea of gifts being received without a timeline – well said! Thank you for your gifts and for being with us on this journey!
BIG Love,
XOZ
Another way of speaking about what you are pointing to is the difference between a vocation and a calling. When you release the expectations and even what can turn into a demand for compensation, reward or affirmation of our value, we are then free to bring our best to life. We are answering the call from within and from life itself to bring our gifts without attachment. We can then experience true love and step into a life filled to the brim with joy. Thank you for shining a light on the way to a fulfilled life.
Hi Warren,
Yes, the freedom that comes from releasing expectations is enormous and delicious! Answering the call from within brings amazing gifts. “A life filled to the brim with joy.” Yes! Thank you for your comment and your support!
XOZ
You nailed it Z…as always. I put out a Facebook posting and immediately check to see how many “likes” it gets. I’m slowly moving away from that and just posting things that are meaningful to me…period!
Hi Rev. Kathy!
Yes, the social media universe definitely encourages us to go in the opposite direction of Karma Yoga! Grateful that you are moving in the direction of what is meaningful to YOU!
BIG Love,
XOZ
Yes. Yes. Yes. Exactly what I needed to be reminded of in the moment. I see your Oh My God ministry and am amazed at the talent, expertise and JOY that you bring to the world. Sharing your Karma Yoga message is powerful – the humanness behind the polished presentation, helps me know that the steps that I take day by day are part of my own souls journey. Expecting appreciation for my work is not the goal. Walking my path of, my path is where the power lies. Much Love, Dale
Hi Dale,
Hi there! Thank you for your comment. Yes, the path is where the power lies!
BIG Love,
XOZ
I always appreciate your perspective on things. Over the years with my deeper connection to source my manifestation skills have certainly grown but one thing is clear when I create something for someone else spontaneously and with no thought of myself the results are consistently amazing. Bless you both
Hi Michael,
Yes, sponteneous giving with no thought can produce some beautiful experiences!
Blessings back atcha!
XOZ
That book certainly gave me some insights into how this spiritual thing works! Much food for thought. As for examples, I give a lot of time to the gallery where I show my photographs. I’m not so impartial with my etsy.com site. As I’ve determined that one of my biggest reasons for existing in this incarnation is to bring more beauty into the world, I could be uploading all of my latest work without expectations for orders. OK, good reason to do it!
Thanks,
Tibby
Hi Tibby,
I love that you have determined that your purpose is to bring more beauty into the world. How cool is THAT?! Thank you for all the beauty you bring!!
XOZ
Thanks for sharing Z. I recently attended a women’s business development retreat that focused on social media marketing. The group is highly spiritual and self actualized. “Move from marketing to sell to marketing to serve” got my attention. Especially running a business it’s easy to get caught up. And whether a ministry or for profit business we’re all here to serve in whatever way we show up. Ironically, since I shifted this perspective, my social media metrics have improved. And I’m clear the metrics are not a measure of my value of worth. They are a measure of people who need to hear my message. Looking forward to seeing you & Melissa in Grand Junction June 3-4!
Hi Pat,
I love that shift from marketing to sell to marketing to serve. That’s wonderful!
We are looking forward to seeing you in Grand Junction as well. Yay!
XOZ