It’s an exciting/scary/amazing time to be a woman.

Women are coming forward and telling their stories.

And being believed!

What a concept.

There’s still a long way to go. And there are still lots of disparities depending on where you live, the color of your skin, and your economic situation.

But the forward movement right now is inspiring.

Those of us who were socialized as females got all kinds of fun stuff thrown our way when we were growing up. (And although I identify as gender-rich, I am solidly in the “socialized as female” category.)

How to talk. How to dress. How to behave around others, especially male others.

A big “socialized as female” issue for me has been the whole “take care of other people” thing.

There are lots of benefits to being socialized to take care of others. Women are often super sensitive to others’ needs. This results in an emphasis on nurturing, harmony, and cooperation. All good things!

But.

The “take care of other people” thing can also go horribly wrong.

Especially when “take care of myself” is removed, and all that’s left is “take care of other people.”

Here’s a recent example from my own life that sums up this dynamic.

The other morning, I woke up to find that my car had a flat tire.

Seriously flat. Not-driving-anywhere-on-that-thing flat.

Luckily, we have AAA road service, so I gave them a call. I figured I’d have the guy tow it to the shop and let the handy mechanics fix it.

All good, right?!

Right.

When the AAA guy first showed up, he asked me if it was okay if he inflated the tire enough to drive it up on the tow truck. I said sure, that was fine.

Then I remembered that I have a spare in the back trunk of my car. We got it out together and he started to change the flat.

Now, here are some things to know about me. I’m an introvert. I’m also a highly sensitive person who can feel bombarded by external stimuli, and it can take me a while to process said stimuli.

So as the guy was starting to change the flat, I was thinking he was going to do that instead of inflating the tire to get my car on the tow truck. But then it dawned on me that he was changing the tire instead of towing it.

I know – Duh. But like I say, I’m a highly-sensitive introvert who can be slow on the uptake in situations like these.

When I realized the AAA guy wasn’t going to be towing my car, I ran in to check logistics with Melissa. Melissa and I had already made a plan that involved me getting towed and using her car to get the shop and back.

But now I was asking if she could follow me to the shop in her car, as I would need a ride home if I drove my car there.

Except this didn’t work for Melissa.

She had an appointment and couldn’t drive me. If she had to change her appointment, it would be a major hassle and screw up her whole morning.

And here’s where the whole “take care of other people” dynamic came to play.

In my case, I have an extra-special version of this dynamic implanted in me. It’s called “take care of other people – especially men.” Fun, right?!

So here I was, caught between honoring Melissa’s legitimate needs and being scared that the young dude changing my tire might get mad at me if I told him to stop.

Seriously.

This was the dilemma I found myself in.

Luckily, it’s the “Me Too” era!

Luckily, I had enough presence of mind to notice the crazy thought patterns in my head!

Luckily, I’m getting better and better at standing up for myself, even if others might get upset!

So I marched outside and told the guy that it wasn’t going to work to drive my car to the shop and I needed to get towed after all.

And guess what?

He got upset! He seemed super pissy about it!

I was actually kinda glad. It made me feel vindicated.

It also made me feel like a super hero.

I know, it’s a small thing. Those of you who are great at standing up for yourselves might not understand why I was so frickin’ happy.

But knowing that I might piss off this guy and being willing to do it anyway, because it was the right thing?

I felt like the power of the Universe was surging through my veins, enabling me to crush any obstacle that dared to even think about crossing my highly-sensitive, introverted path.

It was very, very groovy.

Now, I realize that it’s not just women who get socialized to take care of others. Men can be codependent too! And some women aren’t codependent at all!

But regardless of where we fall in the “take care of others” scale, the whole “take care of other people – especially men” thing?

It’s old. It’s stale. It’s got to go.

And I, for one, am very happy to say Bye-Bye!

Have you been socialized to take care of others? How’s that workin’ for ya? Share your comments below!