I’m a little embarrassed to write this post.

Okay, maybe more than a little.

I would say I’m surprised I haven’t written about this already, given that it happened so long ago.

But I’m not really surprised.

Given the embarrassment factor.

So let’s dive in, shall we?

Many moons ago – 500 or so – I went to see a psychic.

I was brand new to the spiritual scene at that point, and it seemed the thing to do.

Mr. Psychic Man asked for one of my keys so he could tune into my energy. He held the key for a few minutes and closed his eyes.

And then he talked for about an hour.

What did he say?

Lots of things!

Some of the things he said were spot on.

He said I’m a writer. At the time, I didn’t see myself as a writer. Granted, I had been an English major in college, but I didn’t tell Mr. Psychic Man that. And I wasn’t a creative writing major, so pretty much all my work in college was writing about other writers.

So that was one thing about the reading that was absolutely correct, even though I didn’t know it at the time.

Score one for Mr. Psychic Man.

He also talked about a bunch of my past lives. Many of them had similar threads to my current one. An interest in the spiritual path. A love of being alone. A history of being involved in the healing professions.

All of that felt familiar and congruent, so I’ll give him another point for that.

He said that I was mostly male for my first bunch of lives. And that I’d been incarnating as female for the most recent bunch.

Given my gender richness, the I’m-a-boy-and-I’m-a-girl essence of my gender expression this lifetime, this also made sense.

Score three for Mr. Psychic Man.

He said that I hated small talk. That if a conversation wasn’t interesting to me pretty quickly, I wanted to – and often would – bail.

Hard yes. Point four.

I can’t remember much else.

Except for the one thing.

Should I tell you now?

Yes, I guess I shall.

I asked about relationships. At the time, I had had two girlfriends and no boyfriends. I was in my early twenties and was still figuring it all out.

So I asked a complete stranger to tell me what my sexual orientation was.

Of course, I was the only one with authority on the issue. But at the time, I had a teensy tiny tendency to give away my power.

So I asked.

Mr. Psychic Man said that I was going to be with men in this lifetime. That I was going to get married to a man and have a kid. He even saw the man I was going to marry and described him to me.

Even though I was still young and exploring who I was, something about this felt not totally right.

But Mr. Psychic Man had proclaimed it!

And he’d gotten so many other things correct!

So his proclamation, along with my internalized homophobia, made me decide that I would henceforth be heterosexual.

Except it didn’t work, because I’m queer AF.

It took moving to California and entering a spiritual psychology program, where I did three years of soul-searching work on my psyche, to emerge with the truth.

Not straight!

No matter what Mr. Psychic Man said.

Looking back, it’s embarrassing to me that I gave my power away so easily. But there were reasons. Especially because internalized homophobia took what he said and ran with it.

But there was another factor, one that thankfully has been erased due to years of spiritual work.

I wasn’t super great buds with my intuition back then. I thought the only way to access it was to look outside myself.

That was part of the growth process, so I don’t fault myself for the external seeking.

But it is, as I said at the beginning, a tad bit embarrassing to admit that I could get sooo thrown off my one hour with Mr. Psychic Guy.

Thankfully, I kept up my spiritual work. Thankfully, I started to take the information I got from external sources and compare it to my own inner knowing. Thankfully, I started to be able to rely on that inner knowing without an external intermediary.

So I guess my time with Mr. Psychic Guy wasn’t so bad after all.

At least I got a blog post out of it.

What’s your relationship with hearing and trusting your inner voice? Share your comments below!

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