“Be nice.” “Be polite.” “Put others needs above your own.”

As someone who was socialized as female in this society, messages like these were baked into my consciousness from the time I was small.

This isn’t to say that all female people have these messages baked into their consciousness. Or that there aren’t male people who have them as well.

I can only speak for myself.

And as myself, now speaking, I can say that my adulthood has been an ongoing process of reevaluating the Be-Nice-At-All-Costs edict.

Again, nothing wrong with being nice.

But learning to set healthy boundaries has meant going against aspects of my Be Nice conditioning.

I’ve written about boundaries before.

I’ve talked about 6 myths of boundaries.

I’ve talked about the 5 steps to being a boundary master.

I’ve talked about the trickiest part of learning to set boundaries.

I’ve even talked about boundaries in terms of vibrational resonance with others.

I’ve written about boundaries so often because learning to set them has been such a vital part of my personal and spiritual growth. Without boundaries, there wouldn’t have been room for my personal and spiritual growth.

The other day, my wife Melissa and I had an experience that showed me how far I’ve come with respect to boundaries.

Actually, I not only saw how far I’ve come, I busted into a whole new level of Boundary Badass.

We were returning PJ, our travel van, to the parking lot where we store her. After we parked her in her spot and were about to get in our car, a couple approached us from a few spots down.

They had heard about our model of travel van and had some questions.

Initially, this was fine. They had questions and we had answers. No biggie.

But then the conversation took a different turn. They started to talk about how problematic the Mercedes chassis can be. (PJ has a Mercedes chassis.)

At first, I was simply surprised. They were ragging on our type of travel van. Okaaaaaay.

Then my surprise shifted to anger.

Wait a minute! I don’t need to stand here and listen to you two go on and on about how horrible our van is. I am a free agent. I refuse to stay here a minute longer!

I turned to Melissa and said, “You know what? We have to go.”

Melissa, who’d been having a similar experience to mine, lit up. “Yes!” she said. “We have to go!”

The couple looked flustered. “Uh. Okay,” they said.

And then we simply turned and walked away. We got in our car and drove home.

Melissa couldn’t believe how quickly I’d cut them off. I couldn’t believe it either.

In the past, I would have suffered through the interaction longer in the interest of being polite and nice. This time, I realized that they weren’t being polite and nice, why should I be? And actually, I was polite and nice in my leave-taking.

But I also respected my time.

Maybe it’s something about getting older. I’m no longer willing to waste my time in situations that feel bad. And this was definitely one of them.

It was so freeing to simply walk away. And it was amazing to see that I had the power to do so.

I’ve always had that power, but I haven’t always utilized it.

I am grateful that the RV couple was so over-the-top in their less-than-polite discourse. It gave me the justification to walk away.

And now?

Now when I’m in a social interaction and I need to leave – for whatever reason – I simply say: “I have to go.”

I say it kindly. I say it politely.

But I say it.

“Be nice.” “Be polite.” “Put others needs above your own.”

Ultimately, I kept two of those. And I walked away from the third one.

Kindly and politely, of course.

What’s your experience with boundary setting? Share your comments below!

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