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What’s your relationship to the word “No”?

Are you best buds, hanging out on the regular, painting the town with your ability to set firm, healthy boundaries?

Or are you and “No” estranged, with little understanding of each other, suspicious and afraid to build a sustainable connection?

I used to be solidly in the latter category. “No” was a bad word to me. I wanted to be kind and helpful at all times. Especially once I discovered the spiritual path, I thought I needed to be open and available to everything and everyone.

Yeah. No.

I’ve since discovered that without a strong “No,” I can’t get to a strong “Yes.” I often need to know what doesn’t work for me to find what does.

Even in my music playlist.

I love to discover new music. The music service I subscribe to allows me to do this in numerous ways. One of my favorite ways is their Fresh Gospel Playlist. The service learns my tastes and preferences and delivers me a long list of new Gospel music every week. If I like a song, I save it to my Favorites list, enabling me to compile a long list of new music I love.

There’s only one problem with this scenario.

When I first discovered the service, I didn’t have a “No.” Not that I said “Yes” to every song I heard, it wasn’t that. But I also wasn’t employing a clear and solid “No.”

When I love a song, I pretty much know it right away. Back when I was still purchasing music the old-fashioned way, my criteria for purchase was this: After hearing a new song, did I immediately wanted to hear it again? If the answer was “Yes,” I purchased it. If the answer was “No,” I didn’t. Clear and simple. This technique left me with a bunch of music I loved to hear, time and time again.

But in the age of music streaming, my criteria got a little muddy.

When listening to my Gospel playlist, “Maybe” came out to play.

Because I didn’t have to commit to purchasing the song, I started “liking” songs I never would have purchased. Which left me with a long list of songs I sorta liked.

My “Maybe” engulfed my “No” and dampened my enthusiasm for the music I was collecting.

Is it possible to be codependent with a music streaming service?

Apparently it is.

It wasn’t like I was worried about hurting the streaming service’s feelings. But my music collecting started to remind me of holding onto a mediocre connection with a romantic prospect in the hopes it will turn into something more. Which, of course, it rarely does.

Finally, I realized what was happening. I had lost my “No”!

Instead of saving songs I kindasorta liked, I employed my old criteria. Do I love it? Do I want to hear it again immediately?

If the answer is “Yes,” it gets saved. If the answer is “No,” it doesn’t.

Now I have a list of music I love listening to, again and again. And I’m not wasting time on “Maybes”, which leaves me more time to find songs I love. What a concept!

Activating my “No” in relation to a music playlist isn’t the most profound of endeavors.

But, to me, it’s a reminder of how important it is to bring my “No” to everything I do, big and small.

As I do, my life gets richer in all areas, big and small.

And for that I have just one word:

YES!     

 

How have you used “No” to get to your “Yes”! Share your comments below!

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