Do you have any problems?

Okay, that’s a stupid question. We all have problems.

But our problems are often not what we think they are.

Over the years, I’ve found that a lot of my problems have ended up being almost the exact opposite of what I thought they were.

Case in point:

When I was growing up, I struggled with my sexuality.

It was Ohio in the 70’s, and being gay wasn’t an option. So I started to feel wrong.

Every time I thought about this aspect of myself, it was like this big, huge mess of yuckiness that I couldn’t get rid of.

Like a giant slimeball had planted itself on top of me and wouldn’t budge.

When I finally came to terms with my sexuality, it was through the awareness that there was nothing wrong with me. I was – and am – perfect just as I am.

The slimeball evaporated and I was free.

I came to see that the only “problem” with my sexuality was my judgment about my sexuality. Yes, it was a judgment fueled by society’s judgment, but my “problem” was ultimately created by buying into that external judgment.

This same phenomenon has repeated itself again and again in my life.

My “problem” with my gender identity was my judgment about it. My “problem” with being a nerd was my judgment about it. My “problem” with being highly sensitive was my judgment about it.

You get the idea.

I recently read an excellent article about the epidemic of anxiety in teenage girls. In the article, Dr. Lisa Danfour talks about how one of the biggest stresses caused by anxiety is thinking that we should never be stressed or anxious.

We’re pathologizing something that is part of the human condition, and when we do so, it makes it much, much worse.

Again, it’s an issue of perception and judgment – and the power of turning judgment into acceptance.

Twelve Step programs are another example. Speaking as someone in recovery from food addiction, I now see that my out-of-control binging was brought on by thoughts of self-judgment and condemnation.

Once I was able to shine a light on my thinking (through the practice of meditation), the binging started to dissipate.

Also, the acceptance of myself as a sugar addict – someone who can’t stop eating sugar once they start – led to my willingness to step away from the sugar and set myself free.

Just like with my sexuality, and gender identity, and nerdliness, etc.

It was judgment that led to the “problem.” And acceptance that led to freedom.

The key is to this whole dilemma is in the title to this post:

Your Problem Is the Opposite of What You Think.

Our pesky minds create our “problems.”

And bringing new perspectives to our minds – including and especially acceptance – creates freedom.

I’m on the freedom side.

How about you?

What’s your experience with judgment and acceptance? Share your comments below!